Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'm not creating a "Buster" tag just yet.

I have this friend, Buster. He is adorable and I like him, but GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY we are allllll kinds of different and I'm sort of surprised we haven't killed each other yet. I'm not really sure how to date someone who doesn't always cave and give me my way (even though that is actually one of the things I like about him) so the jury is still out on whether we'll settle into a yin and yang thing or if we really will kill each other dead.

For example:

** I like to get up and at 'em and start my day early. By the time my alarm goes off at 5:30, he has only been in bed for a few hours.

(Upside: I can exercise and run errands and do whatever I have to do before the bearded sleeping beauty even wakes up.)

** I like to HUSTLE HUSTLE HUSTLE. He likes to mosey on down to the coffee shop and then go for a stroll around the corner for cigarettes before we can GO, ALREADY.

(Upside: I think we all know I need to learn to chill the hell out.)

** I don't like to play follow-the-leader in full parking lots and would rather just go far and cab back in. He feels committed to the challenge of finding a parking spot.

(Upside: Uh. There isn't one.)

Despite a rocky start (I think we both had our poopy pants on at the beginning and seriously, trying to park amidst regular Saturday afternoon traffic, the wine tasting-goers AND the thousand or so people who turned up for a Matt Damon movie casting call in an adjacent building DID NOT HELP), we ended up having a lovely time at the Zinfandel Advocates & Producers annual tasting bonanza on Saturday.

It was a wine and cheese HOOPLA like I'd never seen before. Wine? EVERYWHERE! Cheese? EVERYWHERE! A tuxedo'd man even gave you your own baguette when you walked in the door! I was starving and gnawed an inch or two off of mine before putting it in my purse and switched to just straight cheese, but industrious event-goers turned theirs into cheese sandwiches, which I'm totally going to remember for next year.

A million thank yous to my dad's friend Karen for A) thinking of me, B) offering me free tickets and C) turning Buster's "I am cranky because it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon and I haven't fully woken up yet and my date is sort of being a high strung bitch" frown upside down by giving him a volunteer badge and apron (which he wore proudly).

And before anyone gets too excited (MOM, I'M LOOKING AT YOU), he's not my boyfriend and I'm only even writing about this because I wanted to say "OMG YOU GUYS WE WERE LATE AND PARKING SUCKED AND I WANTED TO SCREAM BUT I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT AND NOBODY DIED!

Where's my gold star!?!?!?"

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Friday, January 28, 2011

Finally, a celeb look-alike who is not Camryn Manheim!

Jeff: yo

Me: yo home skillet!

Jeff: anybody ever tell you that you remind them of someone on TV right now?

Me: No, Doug from Melrose Place, they do not. Why?

Jeff: No reason, Busy Phillips.

So first of all, my friend Jeff is sorta widely known as being "The Guy Who Looks Like the Gay Guy from Melrose Place." Within his circle, anyway.

See, look:

I had no idea who Busy Phillips was but I googled her and discovered that A) this is a flattering comparison and B) I can actually kinda sorta see it.

Except I don't have this outfit:

Unless he meant THIS version of Busy Phillips, in which case BITE ME:

It ran my mascara.

Today you...tomorrow me.

Worth a read, Internet.


#3: Something you refuse to do.

I'm thinking of two things:

A. I refuse to eat at a particular pizza place because the owner is THE BIGGEST BITCH EVER. I'm not giving her my money, which sucks because I'm all for supporting small business and she's the daughter of the family who owns the local bakery we've been going to FOR YEARS.

B. I don't eat cooked fruit. No pie for me, thankyouverymuch. Why don't you put a big ol' pile of snot in a crust, sprinkle it with sugar and then eat it!?! DELISH!


Cooked Fruit Items I *Will* Eat:

* Jelly (but not preserves or jam unless they're good and blended)
* Applesauce
* Cooked pineapple
* WHEN I'M FEELING INSPIRED, I'll eat one of those little apple streudel squares that come in the foil tins at the grocery store, but that's just because we had those as treats as kids and I liked them before I realized that apple filling was like cinnamon flavored boogers.

The rest of it? No thank you.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Recent Google Searches

Recent Google searches:

• Ringworm treatment
• Cougar crack
• How old is DJ Pauly D
• How tall is Cee Lo Green
• Amputee golfer magazine

And for the record:

A. I have ringworm. I’m not really sure how it got on the back of my calf, but it’s there. I’m not ashamed of it, Internet. Sometimes shit happens.

B. My Google search for the meaning of "cougar crack" was inconclusive (Google insists it’s older lady butt crack) because the results didn’t make sense, considering the context. I was later advised that cougar crack is chardonnay. Totally makes sense now.

C. I was thinking that he was surprisingly old during the first season of Jersey Shore so I thought FOR SURE he must be 100 by now and should be OVER his whoring ways. I don’t remember how old he was, but it wasn’t the 35 I was betting.

D. DID YOU SEE Cee Lo Green on Saturday Night Live a week or two ago?

Granted, he was standing next to Gwenyth Paltrow, but I couldn’t get over what a squat, fat little man he is. I took a picture and sent it to my friend the Honda Service Advisor because he’s a big Cee Lo fan. We agree that daaaaaaamn…they did some fancy camera work in that Fuck You video. (Maybe that's why his band is all women?!)

E. Amputee Golfer magazine really does exist. It started as a conversation about a documentary I’ve seen about people who purposefully become amputees and my date was like “OMG I KNEW A GUY WHO WROTE A BOOK ABOUT THAT” and then one thing led to another and I was googling for Amputee Golfer magazine.

It was a good date, actually.


The smell reminds me of the worms we’d dissect in school. And really, tapenade itself looks like it could be tiny chunks of cut up dissection worms masquerading as olives.

But I still eat it.

My office building is near the dump. This entire neck of the woods, especially on warm days or when the wind blows the wrong way, smells like the dump. (Milpitas pride? Holla?)

I was walking out to my car yesterday evening and realized that OH MAH GAH, the scent in the air, which I knew to be that of the DUMP, reminded me EXACTLY of TAPENADE!

And actually sorta made me want to eat some tapenade. Wormy, dumpy tapenade.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I don't know if these are jeggings or just stretchy skinny jeans...

...but I do know that they're unflattering.

And I'm 5'11" so you'd think that if they were going to flatter the fatty, they'd flatter the tall ones the most.


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Sorry Sarah...Full Price

My SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas will be disappointed to hear that I ran into my adorable 28-year-old fireplace installer / criminal friend last night but we had a falling out and I will not be able to get her a sweet deal on a fireplace cover. He was a dick and when he tried to apologize I responded with staunch bitchiness and gave the drink he bought me as a peace offering to some dude who had just gotten off a plane from Scotland.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I get the other two...

I get the other two..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

...but Kristen Bell on the cover of AARP magazine? I know nothing about these things but it does beg the question: WHO IS HER PUBLICIST?


Straight, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

1. Straight hair.

2. Morning sun.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Feeling chunky.


#2: The best part of your day.

It’s only 10AM and I’m hoping that my day continues to be filled with “best” parts, but here are two so far:

1. I woke up to news that Danielle had her baby.
2. I’m wearing those hurty gray shoes again and a lady in Starbucks stopped me to tell me how much she liked them.

There’s nothing like starting your day with good news and compliments!

Lots of love to Danielle, Mike, Baby Will and Danielle’s parents who I’m quite sure are BESIDE THEMSELVES WITH JOY.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


1. This is today's funny-faced BPOTD:

With a bonus necklace closeup:

I've had that necklace for like three or four years but have only worn it once before. Really getting my money's worth with that one.

2. A friend of mine just got her cosmetology license and is doing a whole gang of free facials at her new salon as part of her training. I'll also be allowing her to do something extra to me that causes "profuse perspiration" but that will allegedly make me look fantastic.

We'll see.

But OOOOOH!!! Because she's my homie, I might have to ask her to take a picture of that magic! And then depending on how horrifying it is, I might just have to post it to the www.

Stay tuned.

3. If you missed the comment to my post about the criminal fireplace installer, my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deer Pajamas is supportive of that romance because she needs a fireplace cover installed and they are not cheap.

I lolled.

I'm working on a non-criminal (that I know of, anyway) option, but it's nice to know I have my family's support. (As long as they get discounts on things they need, like fireplaces.)

4. My Parallel Life Partner Danielle is deviating from the PLPness by having a baby today. The last update I got was four hours ago, at which point she was only at 1.5 centimeters.

Danielle, I just told the www about your cervix, but since you're going to be a mother within the next 24 hours I'm pretty sure you won't have time to read this blog anytime soon, at which point the cervix discussion will be super really, you'll probably never know.


Note to self: Dig up that picture from Danielle's 30th birthday where, during a not-so-private dance, the tranny "entertainer" flipped her ass-over-tea-kettle and save a copy to horrify her currently-being-born son one day.

5. Speaking of lady parts, another friend of mine WHO WILL REMAIN UNNAMED (but who gave me permission to blab about this) is under 30 and has had the bad kind of skin cancer. The original melanoma was a handful of years ago but a recent scare sent her to the dermatologist for a full body inspection.

Internet, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS INVOLVED in a full body skin cancer inspection after you have already had the skin cancer?

An INTERNAL inspection of things that I'm pretty sure have never seen the sun, but that are ALLEGEDLY favorite spots for the skin cancer to reappear.

---- OR ----

A dermatologist has a hot young thang for a patient and was suddenly regretting not becoming a gynecologist or proctologist.

I'm not sure which. But either way, how's that for a good reason to wear sunscreen?? No surprise crotch examinations by dermatologists for me, thankyouverymuch.

6. And now that I've discussed the crotches of two of my very dear friends, I'll leave you with #1 on that list of 30 things in 30 (ish) days that I said I would do...

Internet, I present to you, my workspace in all its glory:

Today, anyway. Sometimes I sit in a different building at a table I share with handsome 26-year-old men, but it's more difficult to be stealth about sharing that particular workspace.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Self-Appointed Supervisor

The teenage girl across the street, WHOSE DIAPER I USED TO CHANGE, has a boyfriend now (I asssssume he's her boyfriend, anyway) and I mentioned this to my brother and he was all "DUDE, I KNOW. I GAVE HIM THE EYE." The bad news for the teenagers is that we have appointed ourselves supervisors of the situation. The good news for everyone is that I'm pretty sure it's impossible to get pregnant in a Honda del Sol.

(I'm sure he's a lovely boy and that everything is above board, but we're still going to keep our collective eyes on that young man.)

And hey, you like how one minute I'm all "I would like to date a criminal" and then I'm all "I AM SUPERVISING THE TEEN LOVE"?


I didn't realllllllly buy into the widely-held theory that I miiiiiight have a problem selecting suitable men, but Lauren and I went out on the town on Saturday night and WHO do I think is the best looking, most charming man in the bar?

The one who, when I asked him what high school he went to, said "Well, I started at Del Mar, but then I spent some time in jail so I had to finish up at the continuation school." And then later, when having the "So what do you do?" talk, he goes "'re not a cop, are you?"

I sure do know how to pick 'em!

And now my family will start worrying that I'm going to run off and marry a fireplace installer with a criminal record.

Which I probably won't do.

Foggy run this morning!

Foggy run this morning!, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


Gray Shoe Enthusiasts:

They're new! And they're sorty hurty, but I'm pretty sure that's more because of my giant feet and less because of the shoes themselves. They're higher than I've been sporting lately so I felt like a GIANT.

Friday, January 14, 2011


Someone..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

...threw a 20 minute TEMPER TANTRUM when his dad left. If there was a soundtrack to this photo it would be unpleasant. He eventually calmed down enough for Aunt Elizabeth to hold him and then LIKE MAGIC, the tired, cranky baby fell fast asleep.

And then I took the opportunity to pick his nose for him.

I'm pretty sure I'd notice if someone tried to pick my nose while I slept, but not this guy.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

This was cuter in my head.

30 Things!

I'm going to copy my friend Sassy Sarah and do 30 topics in 30 (ish) days:

1. Your workspace
2. The best part of your day
3. Something you refuse to do
4. The last book you read
5. Meaning behind your blog name
6. Talent you wish you had
7. A photo of you without make up (OMG!)
8. Last item you purchased
9. Something that makes you sad
10. 15 facts about you
11. Your favorite thing right now
12. Best Christmas present you ever got
13. Your favorite teacher
14. Something you're thankful for
15. A photo from your childhood
16. Something you crave
17. Your worst hair moment
18. Favorite smell
19. The last time you cried
20. Last time you had to apologize to someone
21. Something that scares you
22. Somethign that really bugs you
23. What you dislike most about your appearance
24. Celebrity crush
25. A trait you deplore in others (But when I write this one I'll say "A trait I don't like in others" because I don't like the word deplore.)
26. A photo taken 10 years ago
27. First book/movie/song that moved you
28. What turns you off
29. The story behind one of your scars
30. Left blank for suggestions!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Math is amazing.

Math is amazing., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

The antidote to that depressing post...

Protective fencing gear! If you haven't put on (and then later taken off) a plastic boob guard in the company of coworkers, you haven't lived.

I'm actually having a perfectly lovely day, believe it or not!

Imagine just came on my Pandora station and I am reminded that on September 12, 2001 the SJ Mercury printed the lyrics to this song on what I remember as being an entire page of the paper.

So here I am, trying to focus on work blah blah blah and now I can't stop thinking about how SAD that whole thing was.

No duh, right?

But I dunno...I can think something is sad with my head but I don't often let the sadness into my heart because that's when my mascara starts to run.

While I'm at it, I've recently realized that I'm going to die one day.

Again, no duh.

But I think that while we all KNOW we're going to die, we (or at least *I*) don't think about what it will be like to take our last breaths and then close our eyes forever. I can't explain what I mean, but there's a difference between knowing I'm going to die one day and thinking about it from a looking-at-myself-in-my-death-bed perspective and thinking about it from a I-am-the-person-in-the-death-bed perspective.

That thought occured to me however many months ago and I pushed it out of my head but it came back to me in the shower yesterday.

Also: I would like to learn CPR. I don't want someone I love to be needing CPR and then just sit there freaking out instead of being able to do something about it.

Let me see...can I throw anything else sad and depressing into this one post so I don't have to make multiple posts about sad and depressing things?

Nope, I think I'm finished.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Blurry because I heard footsteps and had to hurry.

Boring because I had a wardrobe crisis this morning and was late for a meeting.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Most flattering sport ever!


1. Here's what I know about dating: It's the most confusing, stressful, drink-inducing thing ever.

Except for maybe buying a house.

Except buying a house, in my own experience anyway, turned out better.

And I say that even though I pay through the nose for a house that someone else lives in while I sleep in my parents' guest bedroom.

1a. I think my next tattoo will be "He's just not that into you."

Right across the back of my hand, so I can always see it.

1b. Recent discussion with a lovely lady friend: How dating brings out every insecurity you've ever had, regardless of how wonderful and beautiful and smart and charming you might be and how seeing others cycle through the crap makes you feel better about cycling through it yourself and A) we're so lucky to have girlfriends and B) dating sucks.

2. I think it's pretty universally accepted that using a speaker phone in an open area is a dick move, right?


3. I was singing the praises of this fast drying top coat the other day and I thought I'd take a moment to tell the internet:

Poshe' is fantastic and really does dry with LIGHTENING SPEED.

4. I didn't really get around to wrapping up 2010 and laying out my plans for 2011 but here's the jist:

A. 2010 was a rocky road, but I learned a lot of things about being a human.

B. 2011 is going to be MY year.

C. I will continue my (undocumented) 2010 resolution to not eat at Weinerschnitzel anymore. I totally rocked that one and didn't touch it AT ALL, despite The Schnitz being one of my favorites. As it turns out, I really CAN live a life without pastrami pretzel dogs!

For 2011 I will add "I will not eat at Burger King anymore." Another favorite.

D. I failed at my resolution to achieve my drivers license weight in 2010. BUT, considering the way 2010 unfolded, I'm pretty stoked that I have maintained my weight. So for 2011, I'm targeting that drivers license weight again.

E. I failed at my resolution to read a measley 12 books in 2010. I got to like 10 1/2 but I really need to buckle down on that because if I'd spent less time laying in bed playing Bejeweled Blitz or Bookworm, I'd have read those 12 books AND THEN SOME. So 2011...a book a month. For reals this time.

F. I didn't pay off that one credit card either. But I did reduce it by half.

So that's it. No Weinerschnitzel, no Burger King, lose 40 pounds, read more books.

5. I have to attend a team FENCING activity tonight. And it was my idea, so when I end up strapped into a too-small straightjacket'y looking thing with a strap up the crotch, I won't have anyone to blame but myself.


I'm glad I did the ice scraping while it was still warm out.

Just scraped the ice of my car. I might die from frostbite.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I narrowly escaped a hair drying emergency...

...because the beauty supply let me buy their floor sample of the diffuser I desperately needed. The sticker encouraging you to check me out is just bonus mice.


Non-jewelry enthusiasts, I apologize.

Jewelry enthusiasts (MY PEOPLE!), here's what's left after I unloaded a bunch of my Stella & Dot jewelry at the sample sale I held this morning. I'm selling it all off, so let's make a deal. I'll give it to you for at least half off, probably more...just tell me what you want and I'll give you a bargain basement price.

Starfish: $34

Rosary: $20

Bee: $22

Owl: $22
(Note: The owl's body is actually a coral-ish orange color...not the mauve'y rose shown here.)

Gilda Earrings: $19

Bloom Ring (adjustable): $15

Clover Key: $27

Charlotte Ring (adjustable): $19

Black Clover Wrap Bracelet: $29

Vintage Twist Bracelet: $19

Mira Bangles: $24

Clover Cuff: $32

Silver Charm Bangle: $20
(Note: Does not come with charms, unless you happen to want the August birthstone, in which case I'll throw that in for free.)

Colette: $69

Byblos: $50
(Note: A few of the crystal things are slightly chipped. Nobody seems to notice this but me, but I'm not comfortable selling this one without calling that out.)

Sadie: $39

Silver Pansy Charm & 18" sterling silver chain: $34
(Note: The chain and charm are usually sold separately but I'm selling the samples as a combo just for kicks. If you'd rather just have the charm, that's fine by me...the charm alone would be $22.)

Jenna: $22

Gilda: $59
(Note: Gilda has matching earrings somewhere up above.)

Uma: $22

Starburst Brooch: $24
(Note: This one has hook things on the back so it can clip into the La Coco necklace instead of the flower brooch that comes with La Coco.)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy 2011

I just realized that exactly ten years plus one day ago, I was celebrating NYE with two of the same ladies I celebrated with last night:

The other two were supposed to come but one hurt her back and the other one opted out at the last minute. I have NYE'd with varying combinations of these same ladies nearly every year since. We are older now, but still fabulous (even though none of the group shots are particularly good):

But there are some crazy awesome solo shots:

And this one that Lauren posted to FB but then it "accidentally" got deleted when she woke up this morning (MMMM HMMMMMM)...good thing I screen capped it before my phone refreshed:

An official 2010 wrap-up / high hopes for 2011 post will be coming. Eventually.

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