Please unwrap your candies.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
And now that I've had a chance to cool down, I feel bad for being such a bitch to the lady who messed up my order (twice), but now I get three months of free internet and $20 a month super fast internet after that (without having to make a 12 month commitment) and a $20 reward card for something or other.
I still have to call her back for blah blah blah though so I will apologize for being a BYOTCH and then also hope that nothing else stupid happens that makes me go all HULK on her again.
I take it back. That lady is a pain in my ass. She never bothered to mention that OH HEY, she sent my box of internet supplies to my service address instead of my mailing address because it's against AT&T's policy to send internet supplies to anywhere BUT the service address and since no UPS driver in his right mind would leave it sitting out on the corner of Drunk St. and Disorderly Ave., I'm never gonna get it. She suggested I could go pick it up at the UPS office and SURE, THAT'LL BE CONVENIENT, I'LL DO THAT.
Which, of course, is what I'll have to do.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
About an hour into this thing there was a thud and an "OH!" and a lot of silent shuffling around in the back (while the CEO continued to speak) and it was apparent that someone had fainted. I didn't see who it was, but I could see that it was a lady in heels and I thought that DUDE, SOMEONE WENT OUT OF HER WAY TO AVOID STANDING UP LIKE THE REST OF US.
But the evening continued and the Q&A wore on and I started to feel sorta wavery and I realized that I was concentrating very hard on standing up. Suck it up, Elizabeth. This thing is supposed to be over at 7 and it's 6:45. HANG IN THERE.
Then my boss, who knew I'd donated blood earlier in the day, caught my eye and asked me if I was okay. I said yes, just that I was hungry.
When it was finally over she was like "DUDE. You look better now but I looked over at you a few minutes ago and you were the WRONG color."
I like to think that I am STRONG and IN CHARGE but I forget that sometimes your body is gonna do what your body is gonna do. Next time I donate blood three hours before standing in heels for an hour and a half I'll remember to wear pants because I might not be so lucky the next time and I'd hate for all my colleagues to know what color underwears I have on.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I owe you a post with words and I promise you, it's sitting on my personal laptop all written and spell checked and everything but I don't have internet until Friday. When Friday does finally roll around I will be reporting on the following:
1. My wilderness adventure with my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas and my darling niece and a whole gang of women to whom I am distantly related.
2. My trip to visit my friends Kari and Eric and how I missed one of my planes because I was writing #1 (TRUE STORY).
3. How #2 got me ALL FIRED UP to create an office/focus area for myself at home.
4. How I bought a desk from a braless lady on Craigslist and how I hauled it up the stairs all by myself and how I didn't amputate any toes or fingers in the process OR damage the floors.
5. The floors in MY NEW PLACE, by the way! I am so excited to have such a beautiful not-so-little space to call my own, if even just for a few months. I'm realizing though that it's really not my home yet. I feel like I'm housesitting. I think I really need to have some peeps over to help me break it in, but since I only have four plates and four forks, I suspect we'll have to do four wine glasses' worth of drinking and then venture out to one of the BAJILLION places within a block or two of my new digs.
6. I'll probably also tell you about how well my darling nephew took to hunting for Easter eggs. He didn't like it when Aunt Sarah opened one up to show him the goldfish crackers hiding inside -- his desire for order is stronger than his desire for goldfish!
Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Friday!!!!!!!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Lauren and I were the last to leave the hotel room and as we were packing up, Lauren found a pair of gray skinny jeans on the desk chair.
"Oops. Diana left her jeans. [Lauren] will take these home for her."
And then we went home and blah blah blah.
BUT THEN Lauren told Diana that she had her jeans and Diana was all "Uh, they weren't mine!"
SO THEN Lauren asked Carrie if they were hers but NOPE!
So if they weren't Diana's and if they weren't Carrie's and they definitely weren't mine or Lauren's, then WHAT'S UP WITH THE STRANGER JEANS IN OUR ROOM??
Whose pants could they possibly be??
It's a mystery.
So Lauren and I had important plans that involved airport bloody marys but DAGNABBIT, our flight was so early that the airport bar wasn't even open yet. GOOD THING WE WERE FLYING FIRST CLASS and were able to enjoy a pre-fight cocktail (even if the flight attendant totally judged us for our early morning drinking):
We were disappointed to hear the pilot say that they wouldn't be offering in-flight drink service because of turbulence (that never happened) but that's okay because we had an hour to kill after our flight got in and before Carrie's flight arrived so we made up for lost time at the airport bar.
Not surprisingly, we were the only INBOUND passengers rocking the airport bar at 8AM. We were the only women in there and ALSO not surprisingly, we made BFFs with the bartender and all of our fellow morning drinkers. Of the dozen or so people at the bar, ten of us were drinking bloody marys, which IS sort of a surprise but in my informal research, I've found bloody marys to be contagious. You sit at a bar and order a bloody mary and then the next person sits down and sees how delicious your bloody mary is and needs one too and then the next person and the next person and the next person.
I'm also pleased to report that the airport bar represented the first of many rounds of drinks to be purchased for us that weekend. (Note: Cheering with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN!" is a great way to have drinks sent your way...I recommend it even if it's not anyone's birthday.)
Eventually it was time to go find Carrie and our limo driver at baggage claim and then BADA BOOM, we were in our first limo of the day:
Here's an exciting fact: When you arrive in a limo they don't drop you off in front to stand in the regular person registration line. Oh no, Internet. They drop you off at some other door where a lounge and continental breakfast await. And then when you're traveling with Lauren, whose brother set this whole thing up via his high rollerness, you get a room on the 50-something'th floor, with exciting elevators that show up IMMEDIATELY because your private elevators only serve the 50-58th floors.
I've been to Vegas a bunch of times but I've never had a view that even came close to this one:
And then the ladies went down to (surprise!) the bar while I hopped in a cab and went to meet my friends David and Tonya, who happened to be in town for a conference:
We went to a place called Hash House a Go Go, which has exciting things like Snickers pancakes and Bud-in-a-bag on the menu. I had one of these items:
AND THEN David, Tonya and posse gave me a ride back to my ho-tel, where I met Carrie and Lauren in YET ANOTHER bar. They were drinking champagne so when the bartender asked me what I'd like, I said I'd have whatever they were drinking and put $20 down on the bar. He came back over and was like "Uh, it'll be $24" and I was stunned because my ladies like them some champagne, but they're more the $12 a glass type than the $24 a glass type. I pulled more money out and was like WHAT HAVE YOU TWO BEEN UP TO???????
As it turns out, I got there right when the asshole bartender's shift started (and not just because he charged me for my drink) and they had no idea they were getting glass after glass of free $24 champagne from the nice bartender.
PSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But don't worry ladies. I will pay my $24 and not blow the cover on your free champagne drinking asses.
But then, because the new bartender really was a dick, we walked over to *another* bar over by the Baccarat lounge. This one was small and hidden and we probably never would have found it if we weren't headed over toward our VIP elevators but it turned out to be our go-to spot for the rest of the weekend because the bartenders, waitresses and fellow patrons were all such a good time.
Carrie and Lauren thought the bathroom was THE MOST AWESOME GOLDEN BATHROOM EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD:
And ooh! We posed with Elvis at some point that day too:
Eventually Diana, the fourth member of our posse, arrived and we got all dolled up because OH HAY, Lauren's brother hooked us with with passes to a VIP after party for Britney Spears and DJ Pauly D, who happened to have been filming an MTV special in Vegas. Another limo came to get us -- this one wasn't the tasteful gray limo that picked us up from the airport though...this one was an Expeditionzine, was BLASTING music (with accompanying music videos) and neon lights.
And then we arrived at The Palms, the site of the Britney Bonanza, and met our host (seriously, it was someone's job to be our host?) but found out that it was a hurry up and wait situation so we sat at, SURPRISE, the bar for a while:
But then we met a bachelor party and got distracted away from the Britney Spears thing.
[Nothing to see here. Move along.]
And then we spent the entire next day laying around our hotel room, watching Real Housewives and Sex and the City marathons and ordering room service.
And then we got all dolled up again:
And had a pre-dinner cocktail (and I had two double espressos and a 5-Hour-Energy in the hope of counteracting the three hours of sleep I'd had in the previous 24 hours...I'm incapable of sleeping past 7 AM, even if I was out until the weeeeee hours the night before) in our favorite Baccarat lounge and met another birthday celebrant:
And then we had a long dinner (and another double espresso), which was an energy-killer for me so even though we went to the hotel nightclub, I was too tired to rally, despite the AWESOME people watching. We were staying at Aria, which is new and modern and fresh and GORGEOUS but the nightclub was fillllllllllled with 21-year-olds rocking their finest Forever 21 fashion and the worst shoes I'd ever seen.
If they weren't wearing acrylic heels that night, they were wearing flip flops and had band-aids on their toes and heels, indicating they wore their acrylic heels the night before. I understand me some foot pain but REALLY? Flip flops, band-aids and nightclub wear?
I ended up calling it a night around midnight and damn near fell asleep in the elevator on the ride up to the 50-something'th floor. Six shots of espresso and 5-Hour-Energy BE DAMNED!
In summary, we had SUCH A GOOD TIME, Vegas VIP-style is THE WAY TO GO, a million thank yous to Lauren's brother Casey for the hook up (and the room service tab that magically DECREASED each time we looked at it) and HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY LAUREN!!!!!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting in my brother's recliner, watching a show about hoarders..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
...so my opinion on this matter might not carry a lot of weight, but I keep getting distracted by her shirt, which I'm pretty sure is supposed to be an off-the-shoulder style.
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'm dogsitting for my brother and SIL for the first few days and was planning to do all kinds of catching up on the blogging and the book writing (HA!) BUT THEN my brother and SIL were all "Hey, our tenant is moving out of our super exciting place downtown so we're gonna sell it but it'll be a while and don't want it to sit empty so would you like to live there for a few months?"
It's super temporary so I'll be living like a bachelor with a couch, a TV, a plate and a fork but I'm looking forward to it. I've been in my parents' guest bedroom for longer than I care to admit so it'll be lovely to stretch my legs and feel like an adult again, if only for a few months.
I feel bad that my dad is bummed that I'm leaving, but A) it's only temporary and B) I'm going to be 35 soon.
I don't know for sure if I'll be back in the guest bedroom when my stint as a squatter is over or if I'll OFFICIALLY move into my own place but I'd be fine with either. Casa de Joe & Judy is a nice place to live and the roomies seem to like me, but one of the things I'm looking forward to is the fact that *I* will be in charge of the kitchen sponge and I'll never see it sitting in water (again) and have to yell (AGAIN) that THIS IS WHY YOUR SPONGE STINKS!!
But anyway, I was planning on a few days of catching up (Vegas and wilderness adventures still need to be documented!) and then flying out to western Mass-a-chew-sets to visit my friends Kari and Eric. Instead, I'll be figuring out how to move for just a few months and organizing myself for that fiasco and then going to see Kari and Eric.
The reality is though, that if I don't document Vegas and the wilderness adventure before I go on this next adventure, I'm never gonna document ANY of it and that's just not acceptable. Cross your fingers, Internet.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
We're kicking it while everyone else watches baseball, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The snow from yesterday was still on the ground when we put on our shorts, bathing suits and summer dresses and went down to sun ourselves on the dock.
It's so gorgeous here, I can't even tell you.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
My nephew is good at pushing multiple buttons at once and getting random screens to come up..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
...but this my first time accidentally reproducing the iPod + misc things screen without his help.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
My brother was concerned that his daughter would grow up to look like him (THE HORROR) but my kind SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas reminded him that he looks exactly like ME and I turned out okay so there was hope for Baby AJ.
And this one just absolutely kills me dead:
I love that boy SO MUCH and I love him even more for being such a wonderful cousin.
I'm staring to get the hang of things, but I'm also getting to know the people better, which makes me enjoy the 9-5 that much more. The firm I'm working for is very into perception and professionalism and I felt stifled for a long time but YOU CAN'T KEEP ELIZABETH DOWN and I can feel my personality coming out more and more. Plus, they put me in a very high traffic area so DON'T BLAME ME when so many people stop by to say hello and chat.
The chick I work with was like "OMG YOU ARE SUCH A FLIRT" and I was like "OMG WHAT OF IT???"
But for reals, I can't keep it in and I don't think I should. IT'S PART OF MY CHARM, DAMN IT!
2. I never got around to telling the internet about the speed dating thing but since I went to my third one last night, I suppose it's time:
I originally went to the 23-33 year old session because my friend Lara needed a winglady. It was way more fun than I thought it would be but I thought FOR SURE I wouldn't get any matches so I was amazed that so many men "yessed" me. My matches from that first session were all way too young though (and short) so I didn't contact any of them but my interest in attending an age-appropriate speed dating event was piqued.
Nothing really came of the age-appropriate session I went to the next month, but it's interesting how as soon as I broke the seal on the speed dating and reported back that it was actually sorta fun, so many of my single lady friends were interested in joining me.
Last night was speed dating bonanza #3 and the crop of 30-45 year olds was MO BETTA because there was only one reallllllllly bad one (versus three or four last month), but I don't know if it was a fluke. I'll have to go one more time to get an average.
There were some duplicate men from last month, including the one I abruptly ditched when I got the call that my brother's baby was being born and I needed to GO GO GO. Sorry about that, dude.
Speed Dating Tips:
* Bring a friend. I would never want to go alone. If you do go alone, hope that you run into a friendly group of ladies like us because we'll let you join our posse and then we can all compare notes later.
* Leslie doesn't think this is worth mentioning, but Hurry Date shows you who yessed you, even if you didn't yes them. I, for one, wouldn't have been so generous with the yesses if I'd known my non-mutual matches would be told that I yessed them.
* This one is written on the scorecard they give you but I think it's a really, really important point so I'll highlight it here: SMILE!
I've been really, really, really surprised that I get as many yesses as I do. If it were a friendship or a you're-a-cool-person matching event, I wouldn't be so surprised because I do know that I am a good friend and am not awful to be around but because it's a how-attracted-are-yo-to-this-person? event, I AUTOMATICALLY assume the worst. I have SO MUCH TROUBLE believing that anyone would ever find me attractive in a non-platonic way.
I've been told before that my biggest wall is that I make assumptions about who will and will not be romantically interested in me and that I don't leave it up to the other person to make his own decision. This is totally true.
Speed dating has forced me to see that mayyyyybe I'm not always right. I'm not gonna say the speed dating has cured me of this deep-rooted bullshit issue, but it does make it harder for me to continue thinking I know the truth and that all the people who think I'm great just don't know any better.
(And yet, I'm also the incorrigible flirt as described in #1.)
3. I'm going to a lake in the middle of nowhere with 28 women in my extended family next weekend. I'm cool with the lack of cell service but I got an email this morning that makes me reconsider this whole thing:
NO HAIR DRYERS OR ELSE I'LL BREAK THE ELECTRICITY!
You guys, I'm not even kidding when I say that MY HAIR DOESN'T DO AIR-DRY!!!!!!
This means I'll be avoiding cameras all weekend long.
Cousin Molly advises a hat which would be wonderful except that I have my father's giant noggin and hats don't fit me.
4. Here's the next item in that list of 30 things...a photo of me without any makeup:
Oh, was that supposed to be a recent photo? Okay, here:
That was post-laser eye surgery.
And then while I was looking for those, I came across this picture, which makes me REALLY REALLY want this hair color back:
I DO NOT, however, want THIS hair color back:
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