Non Sequitur Story About My Dead Grandparents Coming to Talk to Me

I'm going to a big group reading w/ a medium tomorrow. Like, a dude who talks to the dead. There will probably be a couple hundred people there so I'm not expecting anyone to come through for me personally, but it'll be a Sunday afternoon and I have time to kill, so why not?

Also, I'm lucky enough to say that I don't really know that many dead people.

The closest person to me who has died is my grandfather -- my mother's father, who died on December 31, 2004. I remember thinking that it was nice of him to die on December 31st because it kept the bad in 2004 and allowed us to start 2005 fresh. Of course, 2005 ended up being one of the worst years for me, so I totally jinxed myself there, but it was a nice thought anyway.

Boppa died at 100 years old and after being sad for a day, the next day was fresh and new and we could all be happy for him that he lived a good life and wrapped it up very tidily -- 100 years old and died on the last day of the year.

I don't think many people would argue that there's much to be sad about when someone dies at 100.

Boppa's wife, my grandmother, died more than thirty years before him. She was a lot younger than he was so he'd always expected to go first, but she actually ended up dying several years before I was born and he ended up hitting the triple digits, so that didn't work out as he'd planned at all.

Boppa and I used to discuss -- pretty regularly, actually -- that when he died, she'd be in heaven wating for him. This was ME telling HIM that though. He would say that he hoped I was right, but he wasn't buying it at all. He was a pretty black and white guy and things like heaven were just silly.

(He also thought women should have short hair -- I think he thought hair was hair and that there wasn't any point to growing it long. He was remarkably progressive in his opinions on social issues for someone of his age -- interracial marriage? SURE! But long hair? BOOOO!)

So Boppa died and that was sad for a minute, but mostly it was happy.

Then one night, probably about six months after he died, I woke up in the middle of the night and Boppa and Zena (my grandmother...and yeah, that was her actual name -- like a princess warrior, but with a Z instead of an X) were standing at the foot of my bed.

I immediately started to cry and Zena said "I told you Walter, we shouldn't have come...we're scaring her."

I said that no no -- it was okay.

And then Boppa took a step toward me and said that he just wanted to tell me that I had been right.

And then I went back to sleep and the next morning when I woke up I was like OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDD THAT ACTUALLY TOTALLY HAPPENED.

And I swear to you, it did.

Over the years I've read a couple of books and watched a couple of documentaries on the general topic and even though it could easily be explained away as a dream, I prefer to side with the theory that says that when you're asleep or in a twilight state, you're more relaxed and are open to allowing these visitations  to come through.

I don't know if I actually believe in mediums but I 100% believe that my grandparents came to tell me that I had been right -- that my grandmother was in heaven, waiting for my grandfather to eventually join her. So I've already received the only message I might be expecting and do not expect to receive another tomorrow, but I guess you never know.

------------------------------------------------

Here they are on their wedding day:

When Baby AJ comes to my house she'll point at all the pictures and tell us who they're of. She knows that this one is of "Daddy's Boppa."

A-DORBS.

Rich in Love

Rich in Love, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

I already posted this picture but I'm posting from my phone and having trouble and blah blah blah, it's easier to post a pic via mail and add commentary than it is to post directly.

So:

1. Baby AJ and My SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas came over for a visit on Sunday. When AJ saw me and realized that she was coming to my house she got a big grin on her face and started running toward me.

My heart was full.

2. I was at work today when my brother called me (a very rare thing). It turns out my darling nephew had drawn me a picture and wanted to talk to me about it. So there, right smack dab in the middle of expensive consultant we-are- super-discreet-about-personal-calls land, I said "Hi, Baby" and then we discussed that I told him my favorite color was blue a few days ago, but he drew me a picture in red and that he was going to turn FOUR in June .

And again, my heart was full.

Airport

I went to the airport to pick up my miracle niece and my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas this evening. I was standing in baggage claim waiting for them when I heard Sarah say "There's Aunt Elizabeth!" to Baby AJ so I walked over to them, took AJ from Sarah and gave her 100 kisses.

At the same time, the flight crew was coming down the escalator and walking past us. I noticed that a few of them looked at us and smiled at the warm and fuzzy "my niece has been gone for five days and I missed her" cheek kissing that was happening. I commented to Sarah that AJ must have been a good girl on the flight because none of them were giving us "THANK GOD that nearly-two-year-old-who-has-all-of-her-Aunt-Elizabeth's-less-awesome-qualities is off our plane!!" looks. Sarah said that no, AJ slept for the whole flight.

Then later I was thinking about the beginning and the end of Love Actually and about how it talks about the arrivals gate at an airport as proof that love is all around us. That flight crew, for all the bullshit I'm sure their passengers offer them, are also lucky that they probably also get to see people being happy to see each other all the time.

Also: I'm not sure if not-quite-two-year-olds are suppppppposed to speak in full sentences, but I swear to you that if Baby AJ enunciated just a tiny bit better, she'd be about ready to join Toastmasters. (Assuming the topics involved Dora the Explorer, trains and the dog.)

Blog Mom & Dad's Anniversary / Retirement Party: CHECK!

My brothers, sisters in law and I hosted a party for my parents' 40th wedding anniversary and their retirements (my dad basically retired 100 years ago, but he's OFFICIALLY retired now). This all happened back in October so while their garden is lovely, it's not this lovely in January.

And this isn't really a blog post as much as it is a picture dump because it was all just so stinking pretty...but I can't really take credit for all the great ideas - it was like 80% Pinterest. I will, however, take credit for being on a ladder at like 5:30 that morning, hanging those damn lanterns. It all looks so simple and easy breezy, but it did take a lot of effort.

And speaking of effort, our friend Mary -- my brother and SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pamajas' neighbor, was SO AWESOME. She offered to help and at first I told her not to worry about it because I knew I'd be in bitch mode but she was like "Elizabeth, I totally know what it's like to be our kind of person in party prep mode. You tell me what to do and I will do it."

And hot damn, she rocked it. SO HELPFUL!

I believe I've already reported that I wouldn't do the driveway balloons again because they got all tangled with even just a light breeze:

The main food was a taco guy who I didn't get a picture of, but there was also a table of supplementary items - the big hole was for the artichoke jalapeno dip that was in the oven when Laverne took this picture:

The oranges in the mason jar were a bit of a twist on something I saw on Pinterest that I'd totally do again...though my morning would have been less hectic if I'd decided on baby's breath earlier and did the running from store to store to buy enough sometime OTHER THAN the morning of the party.

Sangria and sun tea down at the end (not in view: the jelly jars I rented for said sangria and sun tea! I LOVE A THEME!):

One of my favorite Pinterest ideas:

The crates for the empties (there was another one for dirty dishes and another for something else that I can't think of right now) were my idea -- I have three of them in my garage now, so expect to see them again at any future adorable outdoor parties I may throw.

The other side of the yard with the seating. It was unexpectedly warm so umbrellas would have been nice, but then I couldn't have done the lanterns:

 The kids' table was this adorable little midgety table (with matching midgety chairs) that I stocked with kid stuff:

See that bike in the picture above? Mary and I looked over at it at one point during the set up process and we both noticed that her husband had sort of awkwardly tied the balloons to it (per my request), but we were busy and I was thankful for his help and we had bigger fish to fry so I was going to ignore it...but then Mary, my party execution twin, was like "You're thinking the same thing I'm thinking."

"Um. Probably. But don't worry about it."

And then the next thing I knew, her husband was re-doing the balloons on the bike.

I'm pretty sure that when he offered to help he thought he'd be doing masculine things like moving tables and putting beer on ice (my brother's ONLY day-of job was to get ice, but I had to send him back to the store three times because this task wasn't being completed to my satisfaction) and that he didn't at all expect to be named the VP of Balloon Decor (he also did the driveway balloons for me!), but those balloons on that bike (which were an afterthought because my dad's bike just happened to be leaning up against the fence and we had extra driveway balloons) actually turned out to be one of my favorite details.

Mary also made the cupcakes and her mother-in-law made the party favors (chocolate pops) -- I would have FOR SURE been up a creek without Team KPR!

We had a huge turn out, it was a lovely day for a party, and I know my parents enjoyed themselves.

WIN!!

And I totally overbought on beverages so we have beer and soda in the basement to last us for years.

I also had a bunch of people say that OMG ELIZABETH, YOU SHOULD DO THIS PROFESSIONALLY and I was like OMG THANK YOU BUT NO, because then I'd have to execute other peoples' ideas and truthfully, it's a lot of effort and it's really only worth it when I'm doing this for someone I love.

And speaking of someone I love, here's a beautiful picture of my miracle niece that Laverne took (one of many -- some of which I've stolen for use in this blog post):

Teaching

The above is a screenshot of my dad's Facebook page. The photo on the left was posted first and the photo on the right was posted the next day.

I don't know if the lady whose comment I circled was specifically referring to the picture on the left, but now that I see them in Facebook's timeline view, she's exactly right.

Things

1. It's been MULTIPLE WEEKS since I last posted. What the heck, Internet?

2. My mom asked me about my last post and what about my location was so scandalous. Well, Internet...there's no tasteful way to explain it, but I SWEAR TO YOU...ON MY LIFE that it started out as an accident (because I'm naive) and somehow I ended up on a tour of a porn mecca...and not just regular porn, but BDSM porn (Mom, don't Google that).

The tour itself wasn't a big deal...we saw some curious contraptions and heard stories about how the "models" (because they're actually into the stuff they do and per the tour guide...they're not "acting") overcame personal fears and KUMBAYA became happier people or some shit. My date for this excursion did some pre-research and was like "Dude. The porn site these people film for? Totally fucked up." But I was like "Dude. Quit being a prude. Different strokes for different folks."

And even after the tour I didn't think it was a HUGE big deal...twisted and not at all sexy...but DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS.

And then I went to the site and HOLY CRAP! PEOPLE ARE FUCKED UP! If I die tomorrow and you guys see my browsing history, I swear, I only went to kink.com because of the tour we ACCIDENTALLY ended up taking.

I'm going to make a broad judgement here: The people who are into that type of porn (women screaming in pain and the like) are NOT HEALTHY PEOPLE.

So after that tour we went straight to a BBQ at my friend Christa's house where we were able to cleanse our palates with wholesome, suburban good times.

3. In other palate-cleansing news, I went to Tahoe last weekend and it was awesome and I did not get a sun burn AT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...I even kayaked again AND DID NOT FALL IN THIS TIME!!!!!

4. In OTHER other palate-cleansing news, SO MARK MY WORDS, the next man I date will NOT be a shipping and receiving clerk. I don't know what it is about me that makes me such a magnet for the under achievers.

5. Weekend Agenda:

A) Go visit my mom in the hospital as she continues to recover from her second knee replacement and where her physical therapist is an adorable young man who is physically incapable of saying the word "bra." He prefers "top underwear."

B) Enjoy a delicious sushi lunch with Walkera.

C) Crash my friend Kelly's neighbor's BBQ...which seems potentially awkward, but I trust Kelly to not drag me along to a BBQ where strange non-neighbors will feel unwelcome.

D) Take Allison to a Dailey Method class with me.

E) Pick up my CSA box. This CSA box thing has been a commitment...I love the potpourri of the weekly CSA box, but I feel pressured to eat it all up each week, which means my meals for the week have been revolving around what's in my CSA box instead of what I feel like eating.

F) Pre-celebrate my birthday with my family.

6. I'm going to do another juice fast starting Aug 24th...SO MARK MY WORDS. I may not last the whole 10 days because starting on the 24th means it'll run into Labor Day weekend, but even a 7 day fast would be awesome. And also quite sucky.

6a. Also: HOW IS IT ALREADY ALMOST LABOR DAY???????????

6b. Also: I'm looking forward to fall. I love all the seasons though, so I'm always looking forward to whatever's next.

Wave

You guys.

My miracle niece has had another accident.

She’ll be fine, despite being the tiniest little pacemaker recipient with the tiniest little nose job, but good god did this one take a toll on my family. On the other hand, it really did cement our pre-existing belief that we’re the luckiest family ever in the history of the world.

And not just because Miracle Niece will be fine, but because we have this incredible support system where we all have each other’s backs ONE MILLION percent and are able to mobilize and take care of things.

I was telling my parents that I feel like the nose incident made our family react like a wave: We reared up, paused as we gathered steam and figured out the path forward, and then carried each other smoothly toward the shore. They think I’m too metaphoric and in my head about it, but I think it’s exactly representative of what happened…and now we’re all wrapped up in appreciating each other and thinking about how lucky we are, when I’m sure plenty of people would be thinking the opposite if they were in our shoes.

I’ve been working my way through a couple months’ worth of other peoples’ agony (2012 is proving to be rough for A LOT of people) and feeling strong and capable of supporting the people I love, but this last thing with the baby made me think that perhaps I might be near the end of my rope. Let’s not test that out, okay Universe?

But that tiny little girl? She’s the least traumatized of any of us. And when I helped my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas put medicine on Miracle Niece’s nose the other day, I expected it to be a struggle but instead, the world’s tiniest TROOPER just leaned forward and patiently let me glob crap on her face.

She’s not quite photo-ready these days, but here’s a shot from our family portrait photo shoot a couple of months ago just so you can be reminded of how beautiful she is:

Grandma and Miracle Niece enjoy reading

Grandma and Miracle Niece enjoy reading, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Miracle Niece loves Grandma, but not nearly as much as she loves her Grandpa Joe.

Those two are BFFs 4 -->

Three of my absolute most favorite people

Three of my absolute most favorite people, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

SOS

Hey, remember when I actually used to blog words and stuff?

Yeah, me neither.

I was just looking at my blog hits and realized that I have lost 2/3 of my traffic from back when I had time to actually do this. Oops.

Turns out, this whole "Elizabeth Has a Career" thing is a time suck.

Here's the status:

1. I WILL NOT *not* blog about our recent adventures in Guam and Tokyo. This weekend?

2. "Our" in #1 refers to me and Carrie. There has not been a sudden influx of appropriate men in the bay area.

3. My nephew and miracle neice are still perfect.

We had a family dinner in honor of my miracle niece's actual birthday yesterday (her big bonanza party is on Sunday). It was also my dad's birthday, so he was holding her as he blew out the candles on their cake. She seemed disappointed when the pretty fire was gone, but then Grandpa let her stick her hand in the frosting.

The texture was a surprise to her, but that was nothing compared to the surprise of the frosting when she stuck her hand in her mouth. It was, hands down, the sweetest thing she'd ever tasted and the look on her face was one of shock and made me think that maybe she wasn't a fan of buttercream frosting...

But then that tiny little pumpkin went to town licking it all off her fingers, getting more off the table where the original chunk fell and generally just proving that yes, she is very much like her Aunt Elizabeth.

A short while later she was sitting on her mother's lap (My SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas) and was grabbing for any little crumb or piece of cake even remotely within reach.

She's no fool.

4. I'm the editor in chief of my firm's newsletter for all the peeps working for this client. The last EOC was very professional in her Letter from the Editor section and YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT and have my name signed at the bottom, so I tested the waters this month (my first issue as EOC) and am pleased that A) the communications chick didn't think I was being inappropriate and ask for a re-write and that B) it went out today and I've already had a couple of notes from people telling me they thought it was "very Elizabeth."

4a. I wrote about how I was going to plant a secret word in each issue so that I could ask innocent walkers-by if they knew what it was because I wanted to make sure people were actually reading. This month's word was "ribbit" (because of leap year...frogs...leaping...ribbit) and I'm VERY pleased to have received a few pre-emptive "ribbits."

I'm giving the big boss dudes until Monday to read it and then I'll be checking to see if I can get them to say "ribbit" too.

4b. I also maaaaaaaaaay have made reference to the Milli Vanilli concert tickets I won in a radio contest circa 1991. I'm willing to bet that's the first time Milli Vanilli has ever been mentioned in the newsletter's entire history.

5. Carrie and I are going to see Dr Phil tape his show in a few weeks. My friend Marcy won VIP passes but didn't want to come all the way out to CA to watch Dr Phil do his thang, so she gave them to me. I've never once seen an episode of Dr Phil, but WHY NOT?

The thing that BUMS ME OUT about this adventure is that no cameras or phones are allowed. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ENJOY THE VIP DR PHIL EXPERIENCE WITHOUT ANY PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!?!?!?!

6. I'm still rocking my parents' guest bedroom. My current stay at the inn was not intended to last this long (I've been back since Halloween'ish), but my client had a surprise furlough last spring so we all had to take a week of vacation (or work on other stuff, but boooooooooooo to that) so I'm waiting to see if they're going to do it again. I don't want to take time off to move and then have to take another surprise week of vacation, so I'm just gonna hold off until April. Plus, every month I don't move is another million dollars in my pocket. So I'm waiting.

6a. 100 years ago my friend Joanie bounced from temporary living situation to temporary living situation and used to talk about how much she missed her stuff. When she finally landed, she had an SOS party (Stuff out of Storage) and I'm TOTALLY understanding that now.

6b. The good thing about most of my things living in storage for the last two years (OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN TWO YEARS...actually, two and a HALF years, I think) is that when I get all my stuff OUT, it is going to seem like ALL NEW STUFF!!!

I really miss my artwork and I miss having matching towels but lately I'm also totally missing my dishes, of all things.

STUFF IN STORAGE, I MISS YOU AND I'LL BE COMING FOR YOU SOON, I PROMISE!!!

Five Star Day

I am not known for my good mood during the holiday season. All the happy people tend to bum me out and then in recent years I've worked for a client that shuts down between Christmas and New Years, which means that I end up with a lot of time on my hands, which is also never a good thing for me.

Wah wah, my life is so hard, I am on vacation, blah blah blah.

I know.

But for reals, the holiday season is not a good one for me.

THIS holiday season, I'm pleased to report, has been really good though!

HURRAH!

Take my Monday, for example:

I spent the morning going to my Dailey Method class with Morven, our Australian exchange student's wife (they're in town for Christmas). Quality sweating time with one of my favorite people, with bonus baby squeezing (her baby and my miracle niece) when I went to pick her up.

Then I went to San Francisco to brunch and museum with my friend Christopher. He has a membership to the Cal Academy of Sciences and I don't know how we got to discussing that we'd go, but we did, so we went. It's a really cool museum that opened up while I still lived in SF, but I never got around to going despite it being RIGHT THERE in my backyard AND on my life list.

We got the last two passes for the 3:30 planetarium show (and were very proud of ourselves for our good fortune) and wandered around looking at stuff for like 15 minutes before the fire alarm went off and the whole place was evacuated. Okay, fine, we'll evacuate, but let's go to the bathroom first! OOH! GOOD IDEA!! NO LINES, HOLLER!

So we took our sweet time evacuating, but when we finally did, we found a park bench and Christopher produced two Tootsie Pops from his murse and HOT DOG, I LOVE TOOTSIE POPS! So while everyone else was crowded around waiting for the "emergency" to be resolved, we relaxed, enjoyed our suckers and did some people watching.

We were let back in at the EXACT RIGHT TIME for us to make the 3:30 planetarium show (again, very proud of ourselves for our good fortune) and after a quick trip around the universe, we saw the rest of the museum.

When I dropped Christopher off back at his apartment I had the thought that OOH! Maybe I'll see if Cousin Kristina is available for a drink! It was an idea suggested in a Facebook thread the week before so I sent her a "What are the chances you're sitting around right now wishing you were drinking champagne, because I'm in the city and could either go home or have champagne with you" text.

And magically, not only was she available for champagne, but she was with Cousin Eleanor and they were about to go to dinner and would I like to join them?

HECK YES.

So I met them at the proposed restaurant and I'm not sure why there was a last minute change of heart re: Papalote, but that's fine because plan B was a restaurant that has been on my To Try list for a while. YAY!

So my totally serendipitous day suddenly not only included champagne with Cousin Kristina and Cousin Eleanor, but we were able to try TWO items on the list of 100 Things to Try in San Francisco Before You Die (the eggplant from the 2009 list and a cocktail from the 2010 list), which all translated into a lovely, lovely evening with my people.

I would like more days like that please, Universe.

My Dad is FAMOUS!

My eagle-eyed brother noticed that not only has the Google Maps street view image of our childhood home been updated, but if you zoom in on the driveway, YOU CAN SEE MY DAD!!!!



You can't tell from the cropped view, but based on the leaf-less trees, this picture was taken in the winter...which you wouldn't initially guess based on my dad's shorts and Hawaiian shirt, but that's his uniform.

Why bundle up when you can just turn the heat in the house up to 75?!

Also note the signature white sneakers. He doesn't like sneakers with color. He's all white, all the time.

And for the record, I didn't blur him -- Google did...but they weren't that on-target.

My precious darling is sick, but Grandma is on hand for napping support.

My precious darling is sick, but Grandma is on hand for napping support., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

August

Okay, it's time to stop kidding myself.

I'm never going to find the time to give my birthday and my Tahoe posts the attention they deserve, so let's go old school and just throw all the pictures up on the www and if words come out to accompany them, YAY! And if not, you're getting a hodgepodge of August events.

(And for reals, this is hardly proofread AT ALL and probably isn't all that interesting so please forgive me for being so lazy but it's past my bedtime and I have a busy day at work tomorrow and this is all I can offer you right now, Internet. Plus, by posting these pictures I'm officially all caught up and I can get back to not feeling like a crappy and out of date blogger.)

Up first, TAHOE!

One of our favorite places for lakeside salad-bar-and-Irish-nacho'ing is a place called Jason's:



More Jason's:



Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Tahoe Biltmore...we love you (but your $2.99 buffet SUCKS).



Preparing to contribute to the Biltmore's profit for the evening:



I can't find the photos from the olden days, but we've had photo shoots in this room at the CalNeva casino more than once. The CalNeva used to be one of our favorite haunts but the casino is gone so now it's just a really quiet, really empty hotel lobby. It sits right on the state line, so that particular room is half California and half Nevada (and we know from previous experience that they don't really like you to WHIZ over the state line in rolling chairs).



My heart belongs on the Golden State side:



My right foot was happier than my left, I can guarantee it:



We went mini-golfing another night.

Mini golf ambiance:



Christa and Jeff making the mini golf ambiance more romantic:



I have no idea what our photographer had in mind here, but Carrie and I followed her instructions and now we know what we look like sitting in front of a giant fiberglass tree:



Re-enacting a photo from 2005:



The 2005 version:



I don't know...we weren't even drinking:



Glamorous photo shoots aside, Carrie takes her mini golfing very seriously now that her boyfriend is a full-size golf fiend:



The damn blowy parts wouldn't come off the damn blowy thing!!



I cropped the rest of us out of this picture (mainly because it forced me to make a mental note to throw out the swim cover up that is three sizes too big), but Miss M here was the best part anyway:



We had dinner again...this time at a place called Gar Woods, a place known for a cocktail called a Wet Woody. They're very potent and I MAY have had a few that night.



And finally, Carrie chops onions in style:



AND NOW FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!

I was flattered that so many of my people came out to Stockton on a 100 degree day to watch the sprint car races:



My darling nephew got to ride one of the racers' kid's "Rusty" (Lightening McQueen to everyone else):



Lesley got to strike a pose in one of the cars!



Those of you on my Christmas card list know that my 2008 and 2009 Christmas cards were pictures of me on tractors, so IMAGINE MY GLEE when I realized that the race track had its own tractor!! And because my brother's neighbors are the ones who own this track, the tractor guy got called over and I got myself a little tractor photo shoot! This isn't the shot I'll be using for my Christmas card so it's safe for me to show you that I celebrated my 35th birthday by mounting a tractor in a flowy top in 100 degree heat:



I'll also note that trying to use the exhaust pipe as leverage for climbing up on the tractor is not advised, particularly when the tractor has been running because HELLS BELLS, that exhaust pipe is hot.

Live and learn.

There was cake and nachos and a tractor and mud flying in my hair and 100 degree heat and I'm pleased to report that I had a great birthday.

So anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! (Six weeks ago)

This part is from September and not August, but OH WELL:

My SILs and brothers and my miracle niece and my darling nephew and I went to Carmel to see our Aunt Suzy in a production of Annie.



I don't know what this look is about:



My miracle niece enjoyed the performance:



I love this picture. One day that tiny boy is going to be taller than his dad:



Carmel is usually less than 90 minutes away but GOOD GOD the traffic sucked and it took us two and a half hours to get there. I wont blah blah blah about the trials and tribulations of a journey that took so much longer than planned and about how we didn't have time to stop to pick up lunch because we were afraid of missing the whole thing and about how I was the only one who brought lunch (even though we'd agreed in advance that we'd BYO lunch) and about how my SILs are not ladies who handle being hungry really well and about how the snack bar had EXTREMELY limited offerings and about how my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas, and who is also a vegetarian, was thiiiiiiiiiiiis close to taking me up on my offer of half my chicken salad sandwich, but I will tell you that when Annie was over, our crowd was HUNGRY.

And then there was the whole Sarah-standing-outside-the-car-and-putting-my-miracle-niece's-seat-in-the-car-and-our-car-door-getting-clipped-by-an-old-person-in-a-gold-Seabring-and-scaring-the-crap-out-of-all-of-us situation.

And then the whole finding-a-regular-restaurant-in-downtown-Carmel thing.

But we did eventually settle into an oyster bar and crammed everyone plus a car seat around a table for four and had cocktails and fish and a good time together. I believe I even commented that there was no place I'd rather be at that moment, than crammed around that little table with that exact group of people.

I was less in love with the moment on the drive home because it featured:

1) More awful traffic
2) One screaming baby

But for reals, I like my family a lot.

Symphony Disco Picnic

Oh haaaaaaaay, look at ME blogging something right after it happened instead of being all "this is what happened two months ago!" [Except that OOPS! I wrote this post on Sunday but am only just getting around to posting it on WEDNESDAY!]

So on Saturday night Farah was in a disco show with the Modesto Symphony (there's a lot going on in that sentence so I'll give you a minute to process that...and yes, Modesto DOES have a symphony!).

My parents and I trekked out to Modesto to support our favorite songstress and once we A) found the damn place and B) walked the half mile or so from our parking spot while also carrying our folding chairs and picnic supplies in the 90 degree heat, we had a lovely time.

I spotted this sign on the walk from the parking lot to the disco picnic. We have no idea what happens in the holt shop, but we're glad to know there is one:



The event was held on the grounds of the E & J Gallo Winery...and if you're familiar with California wineries, they don't tend to be in MODESTO...but I do know that plenty of cheaper wines do actually get their grapes from the central valley so it makes sense. Every winery I've ever been to has been adorable and winery'y but the Gallo winery was more like a very loud, very large wine factory (which isn't surprising given the fact that Gallo is sold in gallon jugs). But on the other side of the industrial vats of wine was a pond and a huge meadow and suddenly, we were no longer in Modesto, but on a really lovely hill surrounded by a few thousand picnickers.

And then the bonus to 90 degree heat is that when the sun goes down it's still a very pleasant 77 degrees. We settled in, I skipped the $10 bottles of Gallo wine and bought the top of the line $18 bottle from some other winery (but that was probably just fancier Gallo wine), and enjoyed the show.



Somewhere toward the end I decided I'd beat the crowd and hike the 750 miles back to my parents' car, bring it around to the front of the venue and then let them drive me back to my car.

I'm a full service daughter, and all.

It was a good plan -- I even got to see the fireworks, just from the parking lot and not in a picturesque setting:







The problem with this strategy was that once I got the car and was headed back to get my parents, I suddenly became the one lone salmon swimming upstream. But you know what? My mom's car is large and I quickly figured out that if you just GO, then the sea of smaller cars will part and BOOM, you'll make it to your destination.

(And then sometimes, when you pick up your parents and they happen to be standing next to a particularly drunk gentleman, your dad might try to sell him a ride for $100 and the drunk gentleman will refuse until he sees that you're the driver, at which point he'll point at you and yell "YOU ARE CUTE!" and then you yell back "I KNOW!" And then your parents get too much of a kick out of it and you have to remind them that "UM HELLO, PARENTS! I *AM* CUTE!!!" and then they'll still blame the alcohol.)

Ma and Pa drove themselves home and I went to Farah's hotel, possibly the only "high rise" (9 floors) in Modesto, and after a good catchup, we set the alarm for 8AM and went to sleep.

[Sidebar: Earlier that day my complex held its annual fire alarm test, which meant that I had to sit there for 45 minutes while the alarm SCREECHED in my ear and wait for the inspectors to come by to verify that yes, my alarm was operational and that yes, my sprinklers worked (the operational fire alarm was obvious, but I have no idea how they could tell that the sprinklers worked).]

So anyway, Farah and I were asleep and then suddenly at 2:30AM there was a SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH! PLEASE EVACUATE! SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH! and I was totally confused because of all the fire alarm excitement I'd already had that day and I couldn't figure out if I was still at home or if it was my phone making that LOUD AND AWFUL NOISE but noooo...there was a man advising me to evacuate and it was all very discombobulating. Farah eventually figured out how to turn on the light (not an easy feat when you're dead asleep and then suddenly in a cacophony of SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH!) and we established that no, it was not my phone or her phone...it was an actual alarm telling us to evacuate.

I was confused and disoriented, but not so disoriented that I'd leave the hotel room without a bra and pants, so I organized myself, Farah put more clothes on too, we grabbed our phones and purses and headed out.

On our way down the hall to the stairs, we encountered multiple European tourists popping their heads out of their rooms, some more clothed that others. I'm no linguist, but I think I might have learned "What is going on? Do we have to put our bras on and leave too?" in three different languages that night.

Yes, German lady with the spiked hair, leopard print reading glasses and short little black nightie...you do.

We exited the building with a few hundred fellow hotel guests and waited while three firetrucks and an ambulance did their thang.

Note: Farah, who lives in New York, purposefully opted not to fly home immediately because she didn't want to fly on 9/11 so the DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! FIRE ALARM! EVACUATE! DANGER! wake up call on 9/11 was a particularly nerve-wracking one.

In the end, it was a false alarm. Someone up on the 9th floor kindly pulled the fire alarm as a prank or something, which meant that I was treated to a fashion show of European sleepwear.

BONUS: There were at least two and possibly three wedding-related groups at the Modesto Doubletree that night. Once everyone was in their pajamas they all blended together with the tourists, but my FAVORITE PART was that there was one couple standing outside where the dude was wearing sweatpants and flip flops and the poor chick was still in her party dress and heels...which leads me to believe that she may not have been a registered guest with a suitcase of alternative clothing options.

I think they enjoyed a different kind of fireworks.

Ahem.

---------------------

Please keep in mind, Internet, that should we ever be in Jamba Juice together and I happen to notice a poster for the previous night's event that has your picture on it, I'll probably ask you to strike a very serious pose next to the print-you and then post it on the internet.



But don't you worry Internet...you don't have to be a celebrity at Jamba Juice for the real VIP moment -- a picture on my parents' stoop -- but you DO have to be someone special.