Lauren and I have just enjoyed our first oysters, except without so much of the "enjoyment."
Friday, December 31, 2010
Jif has been the alleged choice of choosy moms since I was a kid..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
...I wonder if they've validated that in the last 30 years?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wipe your feet twice, put your shoes here, lock the bathroom door, don't put paper towels in the toilet (a standard, I know) and FLUSH THE TOILET. This is like the opposite of that place I interviewed at where the sign specifically said that yellow was mellow and that flushing was optional.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Ignore the first two texts, which don't apply but instead relate to my brother attempting to put the Wiggles DVD on in the TV room and not knowing how to maneuver the complicated a/v setup that includes a TV that was manufactured 20 years ago.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
So I was outside of Aunt Mary Jo's house and I was looking at the apartment building across the street and TO THIS DAY I SWEAR TO YOU, I saw McGruff the Crime Dog walk out of one of the apartments.
It's actually one of my clearest memories from my early childhood.
Happy anniversary, McGruff.
I saw a man today in a Raiders-themed Santa hat and I consciously thought "PLEASE DON'T LET ME DATE A MAN WHO WEARS RAIDERS-THEMED SANTA HATS!!!!!!!!!!"
But really, that applies to all Santa hats in general.
Unless we're at Santarchy.
Adult people in Santa hats or reindeer antlers are foolish.
But PS, merry Christmas peeps.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
2. I got home last night just as my brother was leaving. We said a quick hello while I was still in the car and then he got into his car and drove away. I dilly-dallied a bit and then as I was walking up the stairs I noticed that my brother had turned around, come back and was parked across the street.
But then I saw two perhaps-not-so-upstanding citizens walking past the house and realized that he saw them as he drove away and had come back to supervise my safe entry back into the house. I texted him to thank him for making sure nobody got me and he replied that one of those dudes had a ponytail that indicated that he was a bad dude and that he was just making sure an even badder dude was around.
That's sort of the sweetest thing ever, no?
I can think of four or five similar "I have an armed bodyguard" scenarios (that I know about) and I'm sure there are others where I was an unsuspecting bodyguardeeeee. I prefer to believe that my brothers spend their days rescuing cats out of trees and helping old ladies cross the street, but I know that the reality is that while I'm busy trying to get red, yellow and green bubbles to line up correctly in this very important PowerPoint, they're in a world I've never even seen.
3. And for the record, I'm pretty sure my brother would be proud to have the skid mark story precede the my-brother-saved-me-from-the-bad-guys story.
4. Unrelated: I missed the family Christmas tree expedition yesterday but word on the street is that the Christmas tree farm people wanted to trade us five years of free Christmas trees in exchange for one perfect little 18-month-old baby. I'm shocked to hear that Grandma even considered it (dudes, Christmas trees are expensive!) but DON'T YOU WORRY BABY! AUNT ELIZABETH WOULD HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU FROM BEING A CHRISTMAS TREE FARMER!!
5. Also: Baby calls me "Beh." I didn't realize that was specific to me -- I thought it was just a yell for someone to come put him on whatever side of a door shouldn't be on...but my mom said that when I'm not home he'll go to the hallway outside my bedroom and yell "BEH! BEH! BEH!!!!!!!!" and that she's sure it's his version of Elizabeth.
My heart: WARMED!
When I was a baby I called my aunt and grandfather Ninny and Boppa and those names just stuck and here we are, 34 years later, and Ninny is still Ninny and Boppa was Boppa until the day he died. Or still is, actually. I'm interested to see what Beh turns into or if he'll eventually figure out the other syllables.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
These shoes aren't even a tiny bit rainy day appropriate..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
...but I wore them anyway!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I waited a couple hours before hitting up the open bar because I wanted to be sure everyone else was a few (or more) drinks ahead of me. This was a good strategy for a variety of reasons with the bonus outcome of NO HANGOVER! Yay!
But maaaan. These people are a good time.
And not just because I told a couple of the youngins I work with how old I am and their jaws dropped. THANK YOU, YOUNGINS! Your shock at me being THIRTY FOUR and not twenty seven like you thought I was is appreciated. I was easily one of the oldest 25 people in that room of 250 though.
The OMG NO WAY ARE YOU THIRTY FOUR game is my #1 favorite these days. My good genes and my fat to plump up the wrinkles are serving me well.
In other news:
1. I have a busy weekend of holiday-related gatherings ahead of me.
2. Including today, I have five more working days and then I'm off until Jan 3.
3. I am not finished with my Christmas shopping.
4. I do not have the Christmas spirit, but I am not poopy about it either. I've just been too busy to take a moment and realize that Christmas is NINE DAYS away.
5. I was totally going to register as a bone marrow donor today because they're having a cheek-swabbing drive in the cafeteria and because I was excited when I found out I do not exceed the weight limit for donors but then I realized it was a drive for an Indian lady and that Indians have a 1% chance of finding a match because 80% of the existing registrants are white people. I still could have been a good citizen and signed up, but I went down there and felt self-conscious because I was the one white person in a sea of Indian people and decided to just come back upstairs and stare at a Powerpoint that needs my attention.
I know that the whole thing is more of an awareness event than a "Let's find a match for the one specific lady TODAY!" thing, but I will be keeping all my bone marrow. For the time being, anyway. Maybe tomorrow they'll have a drive for a half English, half San Franciscan by way of Oklahoma lady and then I'll rush down to give her some sunscreen and my bone marrow.
6. Back to the coal mine.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Stupid Apartment Therapy readers.
I love mine. I've had it for a long while, so maybe I can get grandfather'd in?
I miss my beautiful little home and all the things in it. I hope they're enjoying their vacation in storage.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I spent NYE 2007 with Joanie.
Look how big my hair was!
We kicked around SF and looked for trouble. We took a $30 cab ride out to Ocean Beach. She fell down and I photographed it:
The next morning she woke up wondering how she got sand in her mouth.
But blah blah blah, that NYE she stood (eventually) on Ocean Beach and proclaimed that 2007 was going to be HER year...and SURE ENOUGH, a few days later she met her now-husband.
So then fast forward to 2010.
It's funny how it started out being the best year I'd ever had. I was the happiest I'd ever been. But then, as we all know, the second half of 2010 really kicked my ass.
While 2010 was kicking my ass, it was reallllly walloping my friend Christa's ass.
Ass. Ass. Ass.
So Christa and I have been looking forward to 2011. It's gonna be OUR year. We know it. Joanie is supportive of this and just sent me a link to this poster:
I love it. I totally just bought it. And now I want like 10 others from that site.
And now I'm going to go find that necklace I'm wearing in that photo because it's one of my all-time favorites but I'm only just now remembering that I've forgotten about it.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
...this means the privacy tree outside my bedroom window will soon lose its leaves and I'll be ducking from the neighbors until spring. (Because closing the shades is SO HARD. Or because I'm lazy.)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
See, as soon as I tell Guam that I'm watching, she makes me a liar., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
A. The narcissistic and manipulative (but dashing) one with the French accent.
B. The one who is sweet and funny until he remembers he's supposed to be rock and roll, at which point he goes out of his way to be an ass.
C. The one who said he'd do just about anything to make me happy.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I am wearing tights! Patterned ones, even! Good thing it's dark enough that you can't tell the stripes are sorta crooked. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED to wear control-top tights with a pattern that needs to be straight? Putting these suckers on should be an Olympic event.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
1. We had a TON of fun.
2. There were tons of men who were so buff that they couldn't walk straight.
3. Competitors were straining so hard to lift the sand-filled keg, push the boulder over the wall, pull the truck, etc. that they were hurting themselves.
While we were watching that truck pulling business go on I looked over at Janelle and was like "Dude. You're dying to get strapped into that thing just to see if you can do it, aren't you?"
And so was I.
We didn't though.
4. I will never be a strength competitor because the heavyweight category started at something like 167 pounds and I don't want to ever have the word "heavyweight" associated with my name. It's just not flattering.
5. It was COLD and Janelle's fingers kept turning funny colors so we kept running inside to the bar to "rehydrate" and defrost between events.
6. I don't know what they're called, but you know those very, very tall crane things that you can get strapped up and flung around by? Peeps around here might have seen one at Great America?
There was one at the mini golf place across the parking lot and Janelle is totally into activities that involve fear and heights so she was like OMG LET'S DO IT! And I thought that A) they for sure would be closed or B) I would for sure exceed the weight limit so I said that sure, if they were open and if I wasn't too fat, I'd do it with her.
Except DAMN IT because the time change and our early start messed with my time estimation and it was only like 6:30 and they were open.
But was I too fat?
At first I was flattered because the lady was like "Oh noooo, you're FINE!" and then she showed me this:
Awesome. She can tell I weigh at least less than 467 pounds.
But whatever. WHIRLWIND WHIRLWIND WHIRLWIND and the next thing I know, I'm wearing this outfit:
(AND I JUST NOTICED that the 467 pounder and I are both in red outfits and Janelle and the skinny people behind me are in BLUE. GREAT. This is like that one time I went snow mobiling and the snow coats for my people all had XL or XXL written on the back and I was jealous of those bitches with the M on their coats. On the upside, his appears to only cover his front, whereas mine wraps around my sides.)
And then I followed the instructions of a teenage boy and BADABING, I was strapped to Janelle and we were being hoisted up in this thing:
I was supposed to wait until I heard him count to three and then pull the release but I didn't hear him count to three and Janelle was laughing and yelling to PULL THE THING. I was NOT about to take HER drunken advice on this matter but I did finally hear him so I pulled the thing and then we went flying.
The video is not all that exciting, but there is a "HI MOM!" toward the end:
Life experience: CHECK!
And actually, next time I'd probably even do it sober.
7. At the end of the day, my homie Nancy McNancerson won two events and second place overall in her weight class. GO NANCY!!!!!
8. There was also a natural bodybuilding expo at the same hotel. The contrast between the thick buffness of the strongman competitors and the greasy, tan, disgustingly ripped buffness of the bodybuilders made for some awesome people watching.
9. I can't tell you about the rest of the evening, but I will say that the strip club near the hotel was also a sushi bar.
I'll also say that when you're with a gaggle of strongmen competitors, they give you a separate room.
And that water costs $8.
And that after a cab ride through the Burger King drive through, I deposited Janelle in the room and I went back down to the casino to lose my last $40 (in leftover ones) on some blackjack.
10. And then the next day we ate a crappy buffet breakfast that was only $5 because we were there as part of the strongman posse.
So that's what I did last weekend.
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- Amuse Bouche
- I am genetically gifted.
- Afternoon Tea w/ SIL Sarah
- Jif has been the alleged choice of choosy moms sin...
- This acupuncture place has signs for everything.
- Needles in my left arm
- I am about to get acupuncture...
- There's a pecan-picking bandit on the loose!
- I swear.
- Grinch? Or just age-appropriate?
- The tree has made it inside the house...
- Six days until Christmas...
- All tuckered out...
- These shoes aren't even a tiny bit rainy day appro...
- THIRTY FOUR OMG
- Keep Calm and Carry On
- The leaves fell
- 2011 = MY year!
- It's beautiful but...
- All bundled up!
- Holiday Magic
- Another reason I love TinyPrints
- See, as soon as I tell Guam that I'm watching, she...
- I have new shoes and they're awesome.
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