Sunday, November 28, 2010
A. The narcissistic and manipulative (but dashing) one with the French accent.
B. The one who is sweet and funny until he remembers he's supposed to be rock and roll, at which point he goes out of his way to be an ass.
C. The one who said he'd do just about anything to make me happy.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I am wearing tights! Patterned ones, even! Good thing it's dark enough that you can't tell the stripes are sorta crooked. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED to wear control-top tights with a pattern that needs to be straight? Putting these suckers on should be an Olympic event.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
1. We had a TON of fun.
2. There were tons of men who were so buff that they couldn't walk straight.
3. Competitors were straining so hard to lift the sand-filled keg, push the boulder over the wall, pull the truck, etc. that they were hurting themselves.
While we were watching that truck pulling business go on I looked over at Janelle and was like "Dude. You're dying to get strapped into that thing just to see if you can do it, aren't you?"
And so was I.
We didn't though.
4. I will never be a strength competitor because the heavyweight category started at something like 167 pounds and I don't want to ever have the word "heavyweight" associated with my name. It's just not flattering.
5. It was COLD and Janelle's fingers kept turning funny colors so we kept running inside to the bar to "rehydrate" and defrost between events.
6. I don't know what they're called, but you know those very, very tall crane things that you can get strapped up and flung around by? Peeps around here might have seen one at Great America?
There was one at the mini golf place across the parking lot and Janelle is totally into activities that involve fear and heights so she was like OMG LET'S DO IT! And I thought that A) they for sure would be closed or B) I would for sure exceed the weight limit so I said that sure, if they were open and if I wasn't too fat, I'd do it with her.
Except DAMN IT because the time change and our early start messed with my time estimation and it was only like 6:30 and they were open.
But was I too fat?
At first I was flattered because the lady was like "Oh noooo, you're FINE!" and then she showed me this:
Awesome. She can tell I weigh at least less than 467 pounds.
But whatever. WHIRLWIND WHIRLWIND WHIRLWIND and the next thing I know, I'm wearing this outfit:
(AND I JUST NOTICED that the 467 pounder and I are both in red outfits and Janelle and the skinny people behind me are in BLUE. GREAT. This is like that one time I went snow mobiling and the snow coats for my people all had XL or XXL written on the back and I was jealous of those bitches with the M on their coats. On the upside, his appears to only cover his front, whereas mine wraps around my sides.)
And then I followed the instructions of a teenage boy and BADABING, I was strapped to Janelle and we were being hoisted up in this thing:
I was supposed to wait until I heard him count to three and then pull the release but I didn't hear him count to three and Janelle was laughing and yelling to PULL THE THING. I was NOT about to take HER drunken advice on this matter but I did finally hear him so I pulled the thing and then we went flying.
The video is not all that exciting, but there is a "HI MOM!" toward the end:
Life experience: CHECK!
And actually, next time I'd probably even do it sober.
7. At the end of the day, my homie Nancy McNancerson won two events and second place overall in her weight class. GO NANCY!!!!!
8. There was also a natural bodybuilding expo at the same hotel. The contrast between the thick buffness of the strongman competitors and the greasy, tan, disgustingly ripped buffness of the bodybuilders made for some awesome people watching.
9. I can't tell you about the rest of the evening, but I will say that the strip club near the hotel was also a sushi bar.
I'll also say that when you're with a gaggle of strongmen competitors, they give you a separate room.
And that water costs $8.
And that after a cab ride through the Burger King drive through, I deposited Janelle in the room and I went back down to the casino to lose my last $40 (in leftover ones) on some blackjack.
10. And then the next day we ate a crappy buffet breakfast that was only $5 because we were there as part of the strongman posse.
So that's what I did last weekend.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
1. That's my friend Nancy.
2. The DJ is very Thunderdome-esque, which will mean something to my
Burning Man homies.
3. It is cold here.
4. I want to try this. Not train or anything, but I want to be
strapped to a truck just to see how I do.
I know I look like an asshole in my leggings and uggs..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
...but it's 43 degrees and I'm on my way to the Dailey Method so SUCK
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
True love and just regular plain ole love is so FUCKING HARD every now and then. That is why REAL TRUE LOVE is so worth the wait and bullshit, you know. Because it is just honestly worth all the heartache in the end. Sometimes your heart has to get all bruised and tender so it can recognize itself when it is whole.
I just came across that again tonight and I'm posting it for three reasons:
1. At the time I thought I was supposed to keep hanging in there through the hard parts because it would be worth the wait. I'm amazed at how differently I'm interpreting it now.
2. When I get to the recognizing part of my life I'm gonna put all this on a t-shirt. Probably in really small print.
3. She's so smart and wonderful and has been one of my most trusted advisers and advocates on this subject for many years.
Monday, November 8, 2010
This was a secret from the internet for a long while and I was never
sure when it was okay to blab but my dad has been telling the world so
HEY INTERNET! LOOK! It's my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas!
I'm going to have a niece in February!
There was this other dude who was W-E-I-R-D and who kept telling me that his parents were really rich and then trying to kiss my cheek and who got weirder as the night went on. I told him a bunch of times that I thought he should just go home because he was pretty drunk but he wouldn't leave me alone.
A while later I had my back turned to him and was engaged in our conversation circle with the Canadians and I heard the weird guy make a negative comment about Filipinos, which was SUPER random because who sits in a bar by himself, gets drunk and talks shit about random ethnic groups?
Actually, plenty of people, I'm sure. But there weren't any Filipinos around us so I don't really know where it came from.
But, Internet, you know (or do you know? I dunno) that my darling, perfect nephew is Filipino and whatever it was the weird dude said about Filipinos was like he was insulting my darling, perfect nephew and THIS IS NOT ALLOWED. But shoot...I was in a bar and the dude was drunk and I wasn't trying to educate him on how America is a melting pot so I just told him that dude, my sister in law and my nephew are Filipino so shut the hell up and really, I think you should go home now.
And then back to my conversation circle.
A short while later he said something to one of our Canadian homies that I didn't quite catch but that indicated his displeasure that we were ignoring him in favor of our Canadian friends. This was unacceptable to me and I could tell that the Canadians felt awkward about it so I told him FOR REALS, I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO, at which point the bartender came around and escorted him out.
The Canadians were like I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT! And I was like Dudes, I hate to say it, but I think he was being a dick because you're Indian. And they were like HE WAS FOR SURE BEING A DICK BECAUSE WE'RE INDIAN. And I was like THAT IS EMBARRASSING. HE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HIMSELF. And they were like WHITE GIRLS DON'T USUALLY GET WHITE DUDES KICKED OUT OF BARS BECAUSE THEY'RE BEING DICKS TO INDIAN DUDES.
It wasn't a big production and there was no yelling or anything...I just was not going to allow that guy to make my new friends feel uncomfortable. Plus, the shit he was talking about my wonderful nephew's people got me all fired up.
2. Speaking of my perfect, Filipino nephew...we had lunch together and I showed him my new work badge. For whatever reason he did NOT like the picture and kept looking at it disapprovingly. I didn't get a video of his more dramatic responses, but this is still plenty cute (despite my annoying cackle in the middle) so I'm posting it anyway.
3a. Example #495839092 of how the internet has taught me that I'm not alone:
I posted something to Facebook about how naming my brothers as my life insurance beneficiaries (which I've done a few times in the last year) is a rough reminder that I am single single single and I was surprised to get comments indicating that other single ladies feel the same way.
3b. Sort of related: My brother Ben was shocked that when he married my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deere Pajamas, she expected him to make her the beneficiary of his life insurance riches. I like to tease her for being a scheming gold digger because she somehow finagled my parents into giving her authority over their estate (sort of) but sheesh Benny...no duh your wife should be your beneficiary!
4. I now have eight Dailey Method classes under my belt and I'm starting to feel the results. So much of my awesome buffness will be hidden underneath the fat, but my ability to hold the plank position for more than 20 seconds surprised me the other day.
ATTENTION LESLIE: I'm scheduled to go to the 6AM classes on Tues and Friday of this week but if you have Veteran's Day off you should join me for the 830 class on Thursday!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
There are people standing, but this dude keeps saying the two empty seats next to him are taken, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.
1) Asshole move.
2) Double asshole because he had his feet on the seat in front of him
until that chick sat there.
3) The commute home has been a clusterfuck. They're not running
regular train service because of all the people so now every train is
a makes-all-the-stops train (which BLOWS) and now the regular
commuters and I are stuck, briefcases and all, with TEN MILLION drunk
4) A commuter adjacent to me said that his AM ride turned into a
hotbox situation and he was pretty sure he showed up at work smelling
5) This day has been an exercise in "THIS IS WHY YOU DONT MOVE OUT OF
SAN FRANCISCO, STUPID!" When I lived in SF I didn't give a crap about
the plight of the commuter because worst case scenario, I was a 30
minute walk from home.
6) I'm an hour and twenty minutes into my commute and I'm still like
75 minutes from the SJ train station. Driving would have been the
better choice, which is a PISSER because I trained in today
specifically to avoid a hassle.
7) WAH WAH WAH WHERE'S YOUR TEAM SPIRIT, ELIZABETH??? I lost it
somewhere around having my face in some dude's armpit for the 40
minute MUNI ride to the train station.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
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- I'm going to die tonight.
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- The person I love most in the world.
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- That's more like it.
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