Wednesday, March 31, 2010


BEST GIFT EVER!, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

So you know how I couldn't talk my gentleman friend into getting rid
of his horrible 1997 jeans?

Well he just sent me a present:

My favorite thing about spring!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Monday, March 29, 2010

My iPod threw me a little something unexpected.

I have no idea how I even own this.


FINALLY!, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

I've been trying to get a picture of this outfit all stinking day but
I had phone problems and then there have been a steady stream of
poopers screwing up my ability to have private time in the bathroom.


I just tucked my phone in my bra so I could sneak it into the bathroom for today's BPOTD and then when I took it out, it refused to turn on!

I dropped it on Saturday night but it's been working fine so EVERYONE CROSS YOUR FINGERS that this is just a temporary hiccup and that when I plug it into my computer tonight it'll wake up and everything will be fine!

Setting the Record Straight

My SIL says that the pajamas were not John Deere...that they were flowered.


1. It was dark. My apologies for misleading you, Internet.

2. She says that oh yeah, btw, she has some "leftover John Deere fabric" and had been planning to make pajamas out of it.

I, however, am plumb out of John Deere fabric.

Sunday, March 28, 2010


BPOY, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Bathroom Photo of YESTERDAY!

Friday, March 26, 2010

You have to be married or have a baby to be featured on the buffet.

There's a monkey on my back!


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Here, let me show you my teeth.

And yes, I wore these jeans two days ago.

I am lippy.

1. The picture I posted yesterday? Not the BPOTD but the cross-eyed one? I just realized that it is proof of something I was telling my friend Alyssa a few weeks ago: I have excessive top lip. I'd rather have too much than not enough but seriously, that thing is out there flapping around in the wind and I feel bad for people who have to look at me when I talk.

2. I'd advise that if you don't want me inviting myself to join you on your wine tasting weekend, you shouldn't tell me about it until after the fact.

Case in Point: I have invited myself to join Ho Ho Lo on her trip to visit Carrie this weekend.

So now after work I need to rush home to pack, pick up Lauren and then hightail it down to Casa de Carrie in the greater Paso Robles area. I hear that we'll be visiting a HONKEY TONK tonight and that it will be filled with all the central coast WT you'd think it might be.

What to pack, what to pack? Glittery golden heels? MAYBE! We'll see.

3. The downside to this wine tasting / honkey tonk adventure is that my brother and SIL are out of town this weekend and my parents are in charge of my sweet, wonderful nephew. I had some REALLY EARLY MORNING quality time with him today (I.AM.SO.TIRED) but Ma and Pa are going to have to hold down the fort without me. My John-Deere-pajama-wearing-SIL will also be around to help so I don't feel *that* bad I'm missing the 72 hours of continuous infant care.

4. It's been at least a week since I've gushed appropriately so allow me to say:


He is just so unbelievably CUTE. And who knew giving and taking away a sock over and over and over again could be SO FUNNY?

And whenever I wonder WTF I'm doing living in San Jose again, I remember that when I walk into a room that baby smiles and reaches for me and it's 100% worth it.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Don't let it ever be said I'm not a pretty, pretty princess.


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

But today the B stands for "bedroom."

Other items of interest:

1. I'm using a never-before-used belt hole today.

2. This shirt is another from the back of the closet because it never
fit before collection.

3. I'd be happier if i had pointy-toed brown shoes.

4. Summer clothes to be ironed are hanging up in the background. Of
course, it's gonna be like 60 degrees next week. Grr.

I didn't go to my 5:30AM step class.

I had grand plans to get up for my 5:30AM step class so when my alarm went off this morning I was like OH MY GOD IT'S TOO EARLY BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS.

The night before I'd even tried making a deal with my secret boyfriend to motivate myself: "If I make it to my 5:30AM step class will you burn those jeans I hate so much?" Sadly, me going to my 5:30AM step class is only something *I* want to do...he doesn't care and therefore was not willing to sacrifice his too-short, too-light CARPENTER jeans to the cause.

Okay FINE, Mr. 1997!

But then I realized it was only 12:30 and it wasn't my alarm, it was my brother calling me. I wasn't coherent enough to panic at the late night call and now, nine hours later, it all seems like a dream that you could probably convince me never actually happened in real life.

Nothing bad happened. Just so you know.

This isn't going to end with "and then I had to identify the body at the morgue" or anything, so stop worrying. In fact, I'll tell you right now that it ends with "My sister in law wears John Deere pajamas."

So my brother went to spring training in Arizona last night. He tried calling Sarah to let her know he'd landed but she didn't answer her phone and the longer she didn't answer the phone, the more freaked out he got (which I think is reasonable for most people, but my police man brother who A-D-O-R-E-S his wife takes the reasonable amount of concern and doubles it). I don't think he was *quite* ready to get on a plane and fly home just to make sure she hadn't been kidnapped, but he was worried enough to call me.

We discussed that I'd go over to their house, a whopping five minutes away, to confirm that her car was in the driveway and then re-evaluate. I knew that a knock on the door in the middle of the night would FREAK HER THE FUCK OUT, but I also knew that my brother WOULD.NOT.REST until he knew his wife was safe and if I could give him a little peace of mind, I would.

I considered driving over there in my pajamas because seriously, if all went well, it would be a twelve minute round trip. But really, WHERE WAS SARAH? WHY wasn't she answering her phone? WHAT IF I have to call the police? WHAT IF I had to see people and ended up spending excess time in public wearing too-big pajama pants and a sweatshirt? BRALESS, even??

Because seriously, that would be my nightmare. Tragedy PLUS pajamas-in-public?


So I put on a bra and actual pants, tiptoed out the back door so I didn't wake the whole house up and get everybody freaked out, and drove over to Ben & Sarah's house.

[Sidebar: Attention San Jose Traffic Planners: WHAT IS UP with the light at Park and Hedding? WHY didn't it trigger that I was there for AT LEAST three minutes? In the middle of the night? WHY???? I ended up cutting through the church parking lot but seriously, I was all the way down at Newhall before I saw the light turn green in my rear view mirror.

I FINALLY arrived at their house (approximately six minutes after departure, which was two minutes longer than expected because of that damn light) and oh shit. I don't see Sarah's car. But there's a black Altima in the driveway.

Now here's where my eyes started crossing because what I thought was me just making sure Sarah hadn't been kidnapped all of a sudden had the potential to be me catching Sarah with her Altima-driving boyfriend when my brother was out of town!

This was SO NOT POSSIBLE and Sarah's going to read this and be butthurt that I'd even THINK for a MINUTE that A) she had a secret boyfriend on the side and B) she'd ever even date an Altima driver anyway. But seriously, can you BLAME ME for the thought crossing my mind?

The Facts:

1. Her husband is out of town.

2. It's the middle of the night.

3. There's a strange car in her driveway -- literally and potentially figuratively.

4. She's not answering her husband's calls.

So I called my brother and was like "Dude, I don't see HER car, but I see a black Altima."


It's the rental she's driving because she was in a car crash a week or two ago.

Okay, duh. BUT COME ON BENNY -- I should have been given that info in advance, especiallllly when he was asking me to drive by to see if "her car" was in the driveway.

So we decide that I'll knock on the door, which will alert Dave who will wake the whole house up, and cross my fingers that I don't give Sarah a heart attack for knocking on her door in the middle of the night.



*The blinds at the front of the house rustle.*


Me: Sarah, it's Elizabeth.

*Front door FLINGS open.*

Sarah (in her John Deere pajamas): WHAT'S WRONG?

Me: Everything's okay. Benny's just freaking out because you haven't been answering your phone.


I handed Sarah my phone so Ben could confirm that she hadn't been kidnapped and that her phone was just off (oops), apologized for scaring the BEJEZIS out of her, and went home.

20 minutes after my phone rang, I was back in bed.

It took me an hour or so of reading to fall back asleep and then when I *did* fall asleep, I had vivid dreams about my secret boyfriend's roommate and something about taking pictures for this blog. When I woke up I actually had to check my blog to make sure I *hadn't* sleep-posted.

So anyway, that's why I didn't go to my 5:30AM step class.

In conclusion, I'll list all the crappy things that have happened to Sarah in March:

1. Dave got attacked by a pit bull while Sarah was walking him and needed stitches. As it turns out, it was Dave's fault for being a jerk to the pit bull, but I think I already reported about this fiasco.

2. She got into a car crash.

3. Her grandparents came for a visit and Grandma promptly ended up in the hospital.

4. I scared her half to death by appearing at her door in the middle of the night.

5. I told the internet that she wears John Deere pajamas.

Everybody is fine, I'm the only one with a secret boyfriend and it's true (and look at me keeping my word about how this was going to end!): My sister in law wears John Deere pajamas.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

1. What you can't tell is that this is a lovely navy blue silk
shantung jacket.

2. Bree, you'll be interested to know that I was like 2 seconds from
getting caught today. I had juuuuuust turned away from the mirror and
put my phone in my pocket and someone walked in.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I sleep! I drink water! ALERT THE PRESS!

1. One of my work friends ran the LA Marathon on Sunday and then SHOWED UP TO WORK the next day. I told her she is both A) BADASS and B) INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE.

I have NO desire to run a marathon, but I do have two 5k races coming up. WATCH OUT!

2. I swapped out my winter and summer wardrobes over the weekend. I was looking forward to buying some new summer clothes but DAGNABBIT, most stuff still fits -- and looks better, even. Like the skirt I'm wearing today -- WHO KNEW it was supposed to sit on my hips instead high up on my waist??? Turns out, I'm pretty sure this was supposed to be a below-the-knee skirt and not the above-the-knee skirt it was when I was 30 pounds fatter.

3. I will be attending the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival next month. It's on the US/Canada list of 1,000 things to see before you die so WHY NOT? We (me and my secret-to-the-internet-boyfriend and another one of my work friends and her husband) will be going on a BICYCLE TOUR. I'm the only one who thinks this is as funny as I do, but I'm looking forward to it.

4. Now that we know I like to use my phone to track my sleep, I'll also share that I've also started tracking my water consumption. As it turns out, I'd been underwatering myself so now that I've doubled the amount of water I'm drinking I've found that I'm actually THIRSTIER. Weird.

For your viewing pleasure, I present to you: Last night's sleep chart and today's water so far:

5. And that, my friends, is about as exciting as it's getting for today. I'll try to do something scandalous and exciting soon so I have something thrilling to write about.


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Monday, March 22, 2010


BPOTD, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

Bathroom Photo of the Day!

This is a satiny shirt that didn't ever fit but now, miraculously,
FITS. If anything, it's too big -- especially in the boobular area.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Omg look where I am!

Omg look where I am!, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

I'm pretending it's warmer outside than it actually is.

I'm still hopeful that the weather report will come true though.

Breakfast, Ice and Biggest Loser

But I didn't listen...

But I didn't listen..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer. the "wipe off the bottoms of your feet" part as closely as I
maybe should have.


Soooo..., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

My spray tan came out good!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Mystic Tan: CHECK!

Mystic Tan: CHECK!, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

This one doesn't have the bronzer in it like the airbrush tan so I'm
not creepily golden right out of the gate.

Entering the spray tan chamber!

This outfit is cuter in my head.

Also: I keep catching glimpses of my collarbone, which is strange but

I texted my brother to see how Baby fared at the hospital:

Peanut butter, bell peppers and PowerPoint...

Two out of three are my favorites.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Would you like to see the cutest thing EVER??

He'll be fine, i'm sure, but he has been sick for a couple of days,
has been barfy and fevery and his little chest is going double time
trying to breathe so they took him in just to be safe. Poor, adorable

Oops! Happy March 18th!

I got alllllllllllllll distracted yesterday and forgot to post the pictures from my St Patrick's Day festivities. I spent the 17th itself celebrating by being vomited all over (poor, sick baby!) but we celebrated early at the San Francisco St. Patrick's Day parade.


We didn't *actually* make it to the parade, but as Christa pointed out, that's just the part where stand around and wish for it to hurry up and be we skipped it.

I'm getting ahead of myself though.

2/3 of the posse met up at Casa de ME. Mike didn't come, but he did pose for some pictures:

We met the east bay contingent at our hotel and, after $30 worth of Miller Lite out of the mini bar (read: three cans), we went up to the hotel lounge on the 35th floor (very appropriately named Grand View Lounge) and enjoyed the sunny view and some champagne.

From there we moved on to the traditional (for us, anyway) St Patrick's Day bar and enjoyed the outdoor drinking environment:

If you're my Facebook friend, you know Ho Ho Lo met a gentleman who showed us pictures of his tan. His other offenses:

1. Following us everywhere we went.
2. Being kind of a dumbass when my $8 sandwich ACCIDENTALLY got rung up with *his* $8 sandwich.
3. Texting Lauren the next morning at an ungodly hour.

She liked him though:

I was like "He never looked me right in the eye...always kinda looked at my temple! I'm not sure if he is incapable of eye contact or just wonky-eyed."

She was like "He's half Japanese."


I lolled.

When we looked at my pictures the next day there were multiple inside-the-bathroom shots. These are two I'll share:


Other Notes of Interest:

1. We encountered the same "Brides of March" bar crawl last year:

They bogarted our ability to enjoy the Gold Dust so we had to go elsewhere.

2. The Tuscan Sangria at Cantina KICKS ASS.

2a. Sangria, Elizabeth? And champagne at the first bar? What happened to sticking to lite beer all day to ensure longevity?

Dude, I know. But you know how sometimes you just DO NOT have a taste for beer? Well that was me on Saturday. YUCK-A-DOO.

I ended up taking myself back to the hotel post-kamakaze shots and was asleep by 10, but I did wake up for:

3. The hotel management banging on our door and speaking VERY STERNLY with the other ladies in my party for being so loud.

Multiple times.

And then the next morning I SWEAR we were being smirked at.

Alls I know is that when they had to leave the room so they could SING freely, they went to the fitness center and somebody has pictures of late night treadmilling and sexy posing on the exercise balls.

I missed all that though.

I had a night full of dreams JONESING for a fountain Diet Dr Pepper so after checking out, we went to SF's like ONE drive through Jack in the Box and HOOKED IT UP.

"Three large Diet Dr Peppers and one small Diet Coke, please."

They hit the spot though, I tell you.

So that's about it for St. Patrick's Day. It was fun, I lasted hours and hours longer than I did last year, we did not get kicked out of the hotel, and Diet Dr Pepper was JUST what the doctor ordered.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I am wearing green.

I am wearing green., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

And they fixed the lights in the bathroom. I resolve to get back into
the habit of taking ensemble pictures.

Now for something sad...

My St Patrick's Day parade pictures will follow because you'll need an antidote to this:

My friends...uh...Betty and Harry spent NYE in Switzerland, attending a friend's wedding.

I had dinner with Betty and Harry in January and they told me that it was their friend...uh...Jack's wedding.

JACK got married? In Switzerland? What the heck?

Jack is 50-ish, quiet, kinda curmudgeonly, sits in the corner and watches everyone else drink too much wine and then eventually busts out with something that makes everyone go OMGWTF BUT HAHAHA!

Jack had a high school sweetheart. She wanted to get married after high school but he said naaaaaawwwww so she went off and eventually married a man considerably older than her and had a life and a family with him.

And PS, he was a billionaire. With a B.

The billionaire died a few years ago.

Jack and the sweetheart reconnected sometime within the last year or two and got married in Switzerland over New Year's.

It's an an sweet story, made spectacular by the middle-class-guy-in-SF-marries-international-billionaire-widow aspect.

GOOD FOR JACK though. That's awesome. Enjoy it.

But then...

Jack just found out he has advanced pancreas and stomach cancer.


Poor Jack. Poor Jack's sweetheart.

This is exactly the kind of thing I worry about in my own life. You'd think these tragic stories are one in a million though, right? And that I shouldn't spend time worrying about these horrible things happening, right?


Except that this isn't the only tragic love story I know.

I've been sad for Jack since Betty gave me the news. It's a tough one to shake.

I wish my 5 years of piano lessons had been more effective.

Okay. So Chat Roulette is some sort of chat service where you get connected with random strangers for video chat. I've never used it, but I've heard it's frequently used for exactly what you'd think it's used for.


This guy, who is rumored to be Ben Folds, used it in a way that made my day:

Attention Secret-to-the-Internet-Boyfriend: You'll get a kick out of what happens at about the two-minute mark.

Thanks to Dionne for the find!

Friday, March 12, 2010

The most wonderful person I know!


1. Someone brought her dog into the office today. I don't recognize the owner and I don't know what she's doing here with a dog, but it's a friendly dog, so whatever. At one point he came running into my cube (with his leash, but without his owner), said hello and went under my desk. So, okay. I can continue editing this newsletter with a dog under my desk -- no problem.

I heard someone asking if anyone had seen a dog so I piped up and said that "Oh, there's a dog over here" like it aint no thang, like dogs come to work every day, and he took off running.

Bye dog.

Turns out, his name is Nathan which I thought maybe meant he should be friends with Dave and Jim except that then I realized he is a wiener dog so the Nathan thing is probably more of a reference to Nathan's hot dogs than "just a regular guy's name" like my brother's dog naming preferences.

2. My secret-to-the-internet boyfriend thinks I've lost my EVER LOVING MIND because I'm convinced aliens are inhabiting his body, which caused the "You're being weird" conversation to shift from me saying that to him, to him saying that to me.

Reasonable, I suppose, what with the whole alien thing even coming out of my mouth.

Alien paranoia: Officially DROPPED!

3. I am pleased to report I have dropped 10.5 of the 12 pounds I gained last weekend. That 1.5 is troubling, but a LOT less troubling than the 12.

4. This weekend's big event: The San Francisco St Patrick's Day parade! I bought a green shirt from Old Navy for $8 so as soon as a get an adult beverage to put in my coffee cup, I'll be 100% ready to roll!

5. This has been a long, trying week and I am VERY GLAD for the work part to be nearly over.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Do you see these two tangerines?

There were three tangerines last night but one of them mysteriously
disappeared between 6PM last night and 8AM this morning.

Bastard tangerine stealers.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


You wanna know something AWESOME??

I gained TWELVE POUNDS between Thursday and Monday.

How in THE HELL is that possible??

Sure, I went away to Seattle for the weekend and I surely didn't stick to my WW points and I definitely overate the bacon and I'll cop to eating two dessert items on Sunday and an assortment of fried items througout the weekend but TWELVE POUNDS WORTH??

I lost 2.5 between yesterday and today so I'm sure a good chunk of that has to do with the travel and the salty, delicious bacon but STILL. I didn't even get lunch on Friday.

I have my fingers crossed that the other 9.5 pounds are hormonal or something and that they'll continue to fall off at the rate of 2.5 pounds a day because otherwise I'm gonna C-R-Y.

TWELVE POUNDS, you guys.

And for the record, that dinner I ate yesterday was a Cooking Light recipe and everything on that plate clocked in at 9 points.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Why yes....

Why yes...., originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

I *will* make someone a great little wife one day.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Friday, March 5, 2010

This booth is talllllllll.

Attention Seattle:

You are lovely. And also cold.

And it turns out, I met my secret boyfriend's roommate my first year
at Burning Man. He pitched my tent for me. In the most literal sense

Today's blog post comes to you in the form of an email from my mother:

Dad and I had a fun filled evening last night at the Ben H*** household. We were expecting to have [Baby] while Andrew went to a new boxing gym, but then poor Dave had his traumatic experience [editor's note: Dave got attacked by a bigger dog and was mostly okay and I wasn't sure they'd taken him to the vet but then yesterday afternoon SIL Sarah called and asked if I could watch Dave because she had to leave to pick up the new puppy Jim and didn't want to leave Dave and his cone head alone but I was already on my way to Seattle], so Dad and I went to dog sit poor groggy Dave post surgery -- stitches in his leg, while Sarah had to go and get Jim post surgery -- gender reassignment! [He was neutered.] There we were with Dave with one of those plastic cones on his neck, looking all bleary eyed, and he couldn’t jump on and off anything, so Dad kept picking him up and down off the sofa, and [Baby] was as happy as a clam, keeping himself entertained with two pieces of paper that Sarah had torn from a magazine - [Baby] talked and chewed and babbled over the paper for about an hour altogether. As Dave started to get over his grogginess and actually did jump off the sofa by himself, Sarah came back with Jim - also a little drunk, but a puppy! Followed Sarah everywhere, got under your feet when you moved them, decided to have a chew on one of [Baby's] toys, and, of course, exploring everything - Dave just stood and looked at him! There were several advertisements on TV that featured dogs, and Dave didn’t even react. He and Jim had a slight difference of opinion over table scraps at one point and Dave made his superior status known, which made Jim cry and cry - reminds you how much puppies are like babies.

We took the collar off Dave because he really wasn’t touching his leg and Jim did not have one on because he seemed oblivious to what he had lost - however, I do not know what kind of night the Ben H***s had!!!!

[Baby] also decided yesterday that it was time to learn how to pull himself up to standing - he did it once earlier in the day, and he was putting some pretty concentrated effort into it last night - I know he is going to be walking before he is one!

Poor Sarah remained remarkably composed through a rather traumatic day, Dad and I went home about 8.30 and I know it took me about an hour to begin to wind down.

And you left town - these family moments can never be recaptured!

I love you.



My mom is funny. Sounds like quite the night!

I was busy flying to Seattle. And boy were my arms tired!

But the flight path from SJC to SEA flies you RIGHT OVER my office building -- I could see exactly which one it was -- and my HOUSE -- I could see exactly which one it was too!

We were just over my house when the pilot said we could use our electronic devices so I turned my phone on but in the eight seconds it took for me to fiddle around, the plane had changed position and I didn't have my eyes directly on my house anymore but looking at this picture now, I can see my block:

When I see airplanes fly overhead I wonder about the people looking down at us and I wonder if anyone is looking at the exact spot where I'm occupying the earth. If anyone was at my house at 4:45-ish yesterday afternoon, I thinking about how much I love the people under that roof. Sounds like maybe they were all off tending to various canine dramas though, so maybe the squirrels in the yard were the only ones feeling the love.

Anyway...kumbaya, right?

And then BOOM! The next thing I knew there was snow!

And then I arrived in Seattle and we went back to this Thai place we went to last time I was in town because they have the MOST DELICIOUS crispy garlic chicken EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

And then, with the friendliness of one cocktail in me, I made BFFs with the desk clerk (who for some unknown reason welcomed us to Seattle on behalf of all asians and I responded with "My nephew is asian!" and we had a discussion about these mysterious honey donut things that I had at the last family gathering) and he upgraded us to the mac daddy suite and now I'm sitting at the desk between the kitchen and the living room:

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