SF Apt

So I have this apartment in San Francisco that I rent out to a lovely lady who happens to be an interior designer. She told me EONS ago that she was using the apt in her portfolio and I've been up there a handful of times since she moved in and it always blows my mind at how fantastic it looks. I thought the apt looked really, really lovely when I lived there and I was very proud of it, but HOLY CRAP, my tenant makes me look like a dull 30-something who has the suburbs in her heart.

For example, this was what my bookshelves looked like when I lived there:

Not overwhelmingly inspired, but perfectly fine.

In comparison, this is how my first tenant utilized the shelves:

 

And for reals, that was after she'd lived there for a couple of months. AND this was FOR SURE the cleanest and most organized area of the place when that chick lived there.

But then I got the BEST! TENANT! EVER!, who made the shelves look like THIS:

 

Absolutely incredible.

And when I lived there, the kitchen bar looked like this (I had a couple more things on those shelves -- I took them down to take this picture for the rental listing, but it was still pretty bland, now that I think about it):

And now? It looks like this:

The kitchen was the most amazing part that blew my mind the most when I saw it in person. My 1983 formica cabinets had been transformed and looked so chic and modern -- all with what she explained as basically vinyl stickers.

And the bedroom nook was never my overwhelmingly awesome, but it was fine:

She re-oriented the bed and changed the window coverings and WOW, it's lovely:

I remember thinking that my next door neighbor at the time had the chic gay man version of my apartment and I had the single 30-something lady version, but now my apartment can give his a run for its money!

SO LOVELY.

(For a minnnnnnute these pictures made me reconsider whether my current home is too "suburban 30-something," but I don't think so. It's not as modern as my tenant's aesthetic, but it's very ME.)

I do not recommend landlording.

Seriously you guys, I do not recommend landlording.

My last tenant told me her movers were coming on the 14th and that she was going back to Michigan on the 15th. Great, I said. I'll be there on the 18th to do the walk through, please send me your forwarding address and leave the keys on the counter.

No response.

Then the 18th arrived and I showed up to find a dirty apartment with a random assortment of abandoned stuff but no keys.

I was disappointed in her, but it was what it was.

I called the locksmith and had the locks re-keyed while I was there, I gathered up her stuff and tossed it, and I made appointments to have the apartment cleaned, to have the carpets steamed and to have the shades re-corded (one of them was jacked up).

All of the cleaning will happen on Friday.

Then today I got a call from my tenant saying she's there with the carpet cleaners but she can't get in.

Me: Dude, you were supposed to leave the keys, you didn't, so I had it re-keyed.

Her: But I have the apartment through the 27th.

Me: Right, but you haven't responded to me in two weeks. You said you were leaving on the 15th. I assumed you were back in Michigan.

Her: But I have the apartment through the 27th.

Me: But you said you were leaving on the 15th, you didn't leave the keys, you didn't call or email me to tell me anything different. When you said you were leaving on the 15th, I figured that meant you were leaving on the 15th.

There was some back and forth about what I should have inferred from "I'm moving back to Michigan on the 15th" and we ended up agreeing that she'd send her carpet cleaners away, I'd take the cost of my carpet cleaners and the shade repair out of her deposit and I'd eat the cost of the cleaning (which truthfully, isn't a big deal since I have a Groupon for kitchen and bathroom cleaning anyway).

The only real downside to this compromise is that the Groupon cleaners weren't available until Monday morning so I was hoping to find full price cleaners who could come while I'll be there on Friday (which I was having trouble finding anyway).

It's added stress I'd rather not have right now but it will all be okay, the old tenant is getting out of having to clean the apartment and the new tenant (who I loved even before she told me she owned her own steam cleaning machine, which means she's one of my people) will get an extra sparkly clean apartment. I might even have to pop open the bottle of champagne the old tenant left while I wait out the time between the shade guy (10AM) and the carpet guy (230PM), which will make it extra okay.

(Note to self: Add orange juice to shopping list!)

In other news, I had a dream that I met Lady Gaga.

Wacky.

BPOTD

I've decided that I hate this outfit:



The jeans, the shoes and the sweater are likely to end up in the Goodwill pile.

The ring and the necklace do not await the same fate:





In other news:

1. I had a great trunk show at Leslie's house last night, followed by a post-happy-hour happy hour in a private room at Maggiano's that we happened to get invited to while we were in Cabo. I was in that room, surrounded by adult people, and I realized that OH MAH GAH I think I'm the oldest one here.

Save for the bartender, anyway.

So I was "OH MAH GAH"'ing about it and someone was like "No way! [What's His Name] is older than you! He's 33!" So I asked What's His Name, he said his birthday was in November, which means:

A. I'm older than the crowd's go-to "old guy."

B. What's His Name was butthurt that he was the crowd's go-to "old guy."

In my head I'm 27.

My crow's feet would tell you otherwise.

2. I'm thinking about joining the Junior League.

...

Have you recovered from the shock?

We'll see though...I'm going to an open house in a couple of weeks. I'm nervous about how much being-a-nice-person I'll have to do.

3. Tonight's Exciting Agenda:

* Drive up to SF and do a walkthrough of my old apartment.
* Meet the locksmith so he can re-key the joint.
* Meet my new tenant so she can measure for furniture.
* Possibly do the hut-to-hut run along Crissy Field, which will hopefully make me feel better about how non-attractive I'm feeling today. Of course, my dining-out breakfast and lunch didn't help either.

4. Tomorrow's Exciting Agenda:

* Possibly go to Happy Hollow with Joanie and Grady and MAYBE even my wonderful nephew, if I can steal him away from his other grandparents for a few hours.
* eBay some never-before-worn clothing.

100 Pounds of BULLSHIT

1. I would like to point out that the Leslie's Bedroom Photo of the Day outfit and the Old Apartment Lobby Photo of the Day are actually two different dresses and two different sweaters.

2. My Saturday at the spa was nice but the lady doing my treatment did not respect my silent journey AT ALL. Chatterbox!

3. I went to SF on Sunday to show my apartment to six people but ONE BY ONE, the first four cancelled so I ended up spending two hours just killing time. Luckily, the last two did actually show up and both were contenders...let's see if either of them send me their applications!

4. There was this other chick who was DYING to see the apartment but was flying in from Atlanta on Monday afternoon and was leaving on Thursday morning and the only time I'd be able to show her the apartment was Monday afternoon and I hemmed and hawwed over whether or not I should drive my ass back up there to show it to her but decided that I would because A) maybe she'd take it! and B) "I just don't wanna" didn't seem like a good enough excuse.

So I drive up there and she shows up with her boyfriend (I think the place is too small for two people but I've had bunches of interested couples) and they were inside for all of 30 seconds when we have the following conversation:

BF: You allow dogs, right?

Me: Yep.

BF: Great! I have a 100 pound dog.

Me: You're kidding me.

BF: No! He's 100 pounds. He's huge. He's really old though.

GF: He doesn't really move around much.

Me: There's just nooooo way. The HOA limit is 30 pounds.

BF: He's more than three times that size. But really, he's old. He doesn't move.

Me: There's just nooooooooo way.

GF: What's an HOA?

Me: The Homeowners Association.

GF: Hmm. Do you think other buildings will have the same rules?

Me: Uh, probably.

BF: Are you kidding?

Me: UM, NO.

GF: Sorry...I guess I didn't read the ad that closely.

BF: You didn't come up all the way up here just for us, did you? (I told them I live 50 miles south)

Me: Yes, actually I did.

BF: Wow. Sorry.

Me: GOOD LUCK WITH FINDING A LANDLORD IN SF WHO WILL ALLOW A 100 POUND DOG!

And then I went next door to bitch to my neighbor because FOR REALS YOU GUYS, who moves a 100 pound dog to San Francisco?!?!!?

BPOTD

I think I speak for all Northern Californians when I say:

ENOUGH WITH THIS CRAPPY WEATHER, ALREADY!

It's raining outside my office.

It's snowing at Tahoe.

WHAT THE HECK?

I'm stuck in a transitional seasonal wardrobe, which makes me nuts. Meaning, it's spring but it's too cold for my springy wardrobe.

Like for example, I've worn nearly this exact outfit like 100 times:



The bling is new though!



That's the Boca necklace linked in with the La Coco necklace.

The weekend is supposed to be nice, THANK GOODNESS.

Here, Internet...let me share my very strenuous weekend plans with you:

Friday

1. Get a pedicure.

2. Get a car wash (it STILL has criminal cooties in it from when it was broken into).

Saturday

1. Get a spa treatment that involves a salt scrub, a mud wrap and a facial while I'm waiting for the mud wrap to do its thing.

2. Take my sweet time at the spa, preferably with as much time under an iced peppermint lavender washcloth as possible.

3. See Sex and the City 2.

4. Attend my friend Leslie's MBA graduation party. I wouldn't miss this for multiple reasons, including:

A. I've missed or otherwise flaked on almost every other party Leslie has had. If I was the type of person who broke out in hives, parties would make me break out in hives.

B. Her school was in SF and she had class one weekend a month so on the one weekend a month that she was in school, she slept on my couch. My couch and I are very proud of her.

C. Also, Leslie's house is SO FREAKING COOL and she has a balcony the size of my entire apartment in SF and she has all this awesome furniture out there and I'm always telling her that her balcony was BORN for me to come over to sit on it and drink wine. So I am.

Sunday

1. Show my apartment to three very friendly-sounding people who responded to my ad.

2. Probably also try to knock something off the list of 100 things to eat in SF while I'm up there.

3. Ooh! And go to that place in my old hood that has the most ass-kickin'est chai lattes.

Monday

1. Nothing.

Unrelated to any of this:

My gum fell out of my mouth earlier (my dad would say I should close my mouth when I'm thinking) and I can't find it. I'm sure it's stuck to my butt or something.

Things

1. I'm disappointed to report that the pomegranate pulled pork wasn't delicious at all and now I have to eat three pounds of it anyway. I added some brown sugar to cut the sharp and kinda bitter spiciness of the sauce so I'll survive and all, but I'm disappointed that I don't "get" to eat pulled pork this week...I have to.

2. I am pleased to report that I hit my goal of running Saturday's Mermaid 5k in less than 45 minutes. 43:15, to be exact! So that's great, but I still only came in 154th out of 201 5k'ers, which isn't that great -- especially considering I was passed by some run/walkers.

I'm interested to see if I can beat that time when I run the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving, but I'm not holding my breath because that's a much bigger race with a really frustrating bottleneck toward the end and I will probably be trapped behind 100 babies in strollers. I'll shoot to beat last year's time though -- 52:11. Ooooh, except there's a new course this year! Hopefully we'll stay off the Guadalupe trail and I'll be able to KICK SOME ASS.

3. I am also pleased to report that I am the new owner of a brand new refrigerator and that my delivery window was very conveniently right smack dab after my race so I crossed the finish line and beelined to my car so I could sit in the lobby and patiently wait for the appliance magic to happen:

4. I think I've already posted about the string of bad luck I've been having with recipes (the pork was just the most recent flub) but they haven't allllllll been bad. For example, I made these to take to a wine and appetizer party at Ali's house on Saturday:

They didn't quite turn out as pretty as the sample and I almost didn't bring them because they looked pretty sad on the plate, but I'm glad I did because they were a hit. But seriously, they're fat with fat and a side of fat so what's not to love about them?

5. The only other item of interest for today is that Walkera and I were supposed to go see our boyfriends Billy Joel and Elton John tomorrow night but they postponed the show. DAMN THESE OLD PEOPLE AND THEIR INABILITY TO JUST SUCK IT UP!

E.coli, schme.coli.

Things

Here's what I have to report today:

1. My tenant emailed me to tell me that the fridge is dead. This is a bummer but really, those appliances are old so I'm really not surprised AND she's going out of town tomorrow and said that she didn't mind if I replaced it while she was gone or if I had it delivered Wednesday afternoon when she gets home. Sooooo, I'll be spending my Saturday afternoon at Sears, investigating new fridges.

**EDIT** I just went looking around Home Depot and Sears' websites and I think this might be more difficult than I thought. Crap. I'm trying not to stress out about it but if the websites are to be believed, the fridges that meet my needs (color, style, size and under a thousand dollars) don't appear to be available to be delivered in time, which is LAME because "in time" = six days from now!

Soooo, I guess I'll be spending my evening at Sears, hoping for the best.

2. I'm doing the Mermaid 5k on Saturday. My goal is to finish in less than 50 minutes...because I'm a speed runner, obviously.

3. I'm having a day that makes me want to go home, sit on the couch and bury my head in Chinese food and Butterfingers.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHY, Internet? Because I was a poor planner and didn't pack a lunch today and I was rushed this morning so I skipped breakfast which led to a poor eating decision which is now sitting like a rock in my stomach and making me half want to take the Chinese food and Butterfinger route and the other half NEVER EAT AGAIN.

The silver lining here is that I didn't PIG OUT or anything so I'm glad to recognize that my body just does not enjoy having greasy breakfast foods in my stomach. I'm getting better at caring about the consequences *before* I say FUCK IT!

In fact, maybe even just thinking about that makes me feel better and less BLAH and that the whole day is not shot afterall.

4. But blah anyway because I still have refrigerator stress.

5. And blah because I can't go run the grease out of me after work because of the refrigerator.

6. So stress leads to blah which leads to stress which leads to blah.

Oh my.

Time to quit my pity party, for sure.

Uncle Sam can kiss my ass.

Would you like to know what's awesome?

When you don't live in the apartment you own you prettttttttty much loose ALL tax benefits and I'm sitting here reading an email from my tax guy telling me that I should go back to claiming ONE on my withholding thing so that I break even on the taxes...which means that I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS and I'm not financially ANY better off. And this is even factoring in the $1600 a month loss over and above what my tenant is paying in rent. God forbid I find my own place and have to pay rent AND a mortgage without any tax benefits!

Calgon, take me away!

YAYAYAAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAY!

1. I AM A LANDLADY!

I didn't want to jinx it because I'm incapable of thinking anything EVER will EVER work out but I showed her the apartment on Thursday and now it's Monday and the LEASE IS SIGNED! Yay!

I L-O-V-E her. She's the cutest damn thing ever and her dog sounds like a chicken clucking when he barks and she has the prettiest drivers license picture I've ever seen EVER. BONUS: When she got there I was like "OMG I love your dress" and she was like "OMG thanks - I was meaning to ask you where you got that dress you were wearing last week!"

Girl knows the way to my heart, that's for sure.

1a. Now that I have that whole thing figured out I can do all the little things that have been piling up since I decided to move. Things like reading magazines, finally burning all those CDs I owe my co-CD-exchange participants, organizing my jewelry, getting rid of all the clothes that have suddenly gone from "fits" to "whoa, too big!" And like 100 other random things that I haven't done because I've been going up to SF all the time.

2. This is not my renter but I wanted to share:



Okay so first of all, I love anything related to this song.

Secondly, I would like to say that I'd be willing to bet $100 that the singer in that video hasn't been single for more than 30 days in a row since she was 18. Granted, she's probably not THAT much older than 18 but I figure she might have been gawky in high school and the point I wanted to make is that THIS is the kind of girl who ALWAYS has a boyfriend. She's cute and approachable and probably hangs out in coffee shops that are so hipster that they only offer full fat milk and raw sugar.

Her wide-eyed-ness is a little annoying (and truthfully, before she started singing I thought she was a boy) but how much cuter could that little lip mole possible be.

AND I'M NOT EVEN LESBIONIC!