Friday, October 30, 2009

Close followers of my denim situation...

...will know that I am throwing caution to the wind by wearing these
jeans. The butt may or may not rip at any moment. Let's hope it's not
this weekend.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'm trying to be better about the outfit photos...

...but this mirror sucks and I've been unmotivated. Or this outfit
sucks. This and the last several. Or it's the mirror. Or the outfts. I
dunno. OR MAYBE BOTH!

New shoes though.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I am preparing to pee outside.

Documenting the Dirty Do

I think I've mentioned this before, but my friend Taylor likes to play a game where everyone has to go around and name their Dirty Do...as in...the celebrity you'd do who is actually awful, but for some reason, floats your boat.

I'm outing Taylor, but that's okay because A) she doesn't read this blog (even though her brother's gf does) and B) she seems to be proud of her Dirty Do: Hulk Hogan.



I'll also out Carrie while I'm at it, but again, she's PROUD of her dirty love for Snoop Dogg:



Christa (who was like YOU DON'T SAY MY NAME IN YOUR BLOG, DO YOU??) loves her some Captain Sig and I don't blame her AT ALL because, believe it or not, when we play "Which Deadliest Catch Captain Would You Do?" Captain Sig is a crowd pleaser:



(BTW, disgustingly enough, "Which Deadliest Catch Captain WOULDN'T You Do?" would be the better game because the ladies love them some nasty crab captains.)

And yes Christa, you have now officially been mentioned. I could be tricky and disguise you by spelling you Krista, but I think there are enough Christas in the world that your identity is relatively safe. ;-)

When I started this post I was going to save Sassy Sarah the embarrassment of naming her Dirty Do because it took her forever to think of one and I couldn't even remember if she finally ever did but then I REMEMBERED! Even though Sarah's longtime boyfriend looks like he stepped out of a J.Crew catalog and has even accidentally been caught in one of Jameth's Hot or Not posts and scored very highly, HER Dirty Do is as follows:



No, that's not Jesus. It's a gentleman named Bob.

Jon should watch out.

Sorry Sarah. It's on the internet now, which means it's official.

My main purpose in documenting these Dirty Dos is that I need to name a new one because my old one recently dropped dead:



RIP, Billy Mays.

His replacement?

None other than Julia Roberts' ex-husband, Mr. Lyle Lovett:



Gentlemen, let this post be a lesson to you that the ladies are attracted to things that can't really be explained.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Shoes I need like I need a hole in my head...

...but that I bought anyway. In the correct size though. This
particular pair is drag queen sized.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

OMG look where I am!


OMG look where I am!, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

I put my summer clothes in storage and took a moment to remember
everyone's favorite ensemble photography spot.

Friday, October 23, 2009

For a good time call SANTA!

Things Carrie and I Email About:

To: Me
From: Carrie

I just dug my santa suit out of the basement and it is fil-thy. I know that it is against the rules to wash it but I'm doing it anyway. Touching it made me kind of itchy.


To: Carrie
From: Me

If it makes you feel any better, I had my Santa outfit dry cleaned which SURELY must be against the rules...but seriously, it had stripper crotch on it.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Deceptively Non-Delicious

But I have a cold so I can't really taste the nasty faux peanutty
flavor anyway.

Uncle Sam can kiss my ass.

Would you like to know what's awesome?

When you don't live in the apartment you own you prettttttttty much loose ALL tax benefits and I'm sitting here reading an email from my tax guy telling me that I should go back to claiming ONE on my withholding thing so that I break even on the taxes...which means that I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS and I'm not financially ANY better off. And this is even factoring in the $1600 a month loss over and above what my tenant is paying in rent. God forbid I find my own place and have to pay rent AND a mortgage without any tax benefits!

Calgon, take me away!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I'm trying to think of a politically correct title but I can't.

I'm going to be staying here in a couple of weeks:



WHY?

Well why the hell NOT?

Actually, it's on my life list, believe it or not. I don't know where I heard of it but I was recently reviewing my list and it's there -- with the website and everything!

So I'm going.

Wigwam: BOOKED!

I was reading the Yelp reviews and this tidbit HAS TO BE SHARED:

"Our friends Mike and Cassie were checked in by a midget (ok, little person) wearing a bolo tie, hooked up to a respirator."

I can't wait!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

20 years went by in the blink of an eye.

Happy almost-anniversary, Loma Prieta earthquake.

California just "celebrated" with a statewide earthquake drill but I heard the horns and just sat at my desk and watched my coworkers go to the window to see if anyone was assembling in the parking lot.

Nobody did.

If I wasn't wearing a skirt today I *might* have ducked-and-covered just for old time's sake, but probably not.

Do they still do duck-and-cover drills in schools? Because I guarantee my co-native-Californians remember getting up close views of the carpet under their desks while kneeling with their hands crossed over their necks...like a couple of eight-year-old hands would be able to protect the neck from falling bricks? I dunno. But we did it.

Back at home my parents were pretty good about teaching us to stand in the doorway in case of an earthquake...except I remember one earthquake when my neighbor Anthony and I were playing Barbies in my room and we ran right through my bedroom doorway and stood in an entirely different doorway.

I'm sure everyone will be sharing their "I remember exactly where I was on October 17th, 1989 at 5:04PM" stories so I'll give you mine:

I don't remember the earthquake itself, but I do remember being at my piano lesson and after everything stopped shaking we went about our business and then like twelve seconds later my dad was banging at the door, checking to make sure I was okay. I remember being surprised that A) he was checking on me and B) he got there so fast. Granted, it was only like three blocks away, but GOOD JOB DAD! Speedy!

I believe my brother's Loma Prieta story involves being trapped under a bookcase, so his is way more exciting than mine.

The most exciting thing that ever happened to me during an earthquake involved a can of cat food flying past my head. No actual contact though. HOW BORING.

I was out of town for the last GOOD earthquake. I was sitting on the bed at the Holiday Inn Express in Fresno (I was totally a VIP at PG&E) and I felt a vibration but I thought it was maybe someone running in the hall. My mom called like a minute later and said "DON'T WORRY, WE'RE OKAY!" and I was like "Worry? What? Huh?"

But then I got to worrying about all the booze I had in a tall cabinet at my apartment so Carrie kindly went and checked on it for me. IT WAS SAFE, WHEW! (But really, I mostly wanted to know if I would be walking in the door to a mess.)

I should mention that most native Californians I know wear earthquake bravery as a badge of honor. Earthquake? WOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Until someone gets hurt, I guess. And really, I should clarify that I may love earthquakes in daylight but an earthquake in the middle of the night is CREEPY. Especially if you're a kid and you're not 100% sure there isn't a man standing at the foot of your bed and shaking it.

Alllll of this is to say that I'm bummed that my earthquake strategy needs revising. My friend Joel told me that he and his wife had a plan to meet in a park that was near her office and walkable from his office. Their plan also involved red wine so I invited myself to walk to their park and join them.

So Joel, I'm sad that I'm not a San Francisco resident anymore because now I won't be able to crash your earthquake party.

Also: I need to get earthquake insurance. Goodbye, money.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Hagrid the Hut



I don't mean this in a "wah wah wah I'm asking for someone to tell me I'm attractive" kind of way but we allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll know I'm ALLLL crazy in the head when it comes to body image and blah blah blah.

BUT:

I was just looking at one of the fattie "this is what I'm wearing today" blogs and the chicks post their height and weight with the pictures and I was surprised to see that there were plenty of chicks who I thought looked pretty okay (as in, not the JABBA THE HUT I see myself as) and, per their stats, are actually shorter and heavier than me.

Ohhhhhh, the crazy...I'm full of it. I don't expect to ever get over myself, but at least I know THAT ONE CHICK who had the nerve to call me Hagrid was SEVEN inches shorter than me but only like 25 pounds lighter.



AND AT LEAST I HAVE THE GOOD SENSE NOT TO WEAR HORIZONTAL STRIPES AND END UP LOOKING LIKE A BEACH BALL.

Whoa, old drama just came bubbling out.

Sorry about that, folks.

Let's talk about rainbows and puppies or something instead.

Rainbows are lovely.

Puppies are cute.



Oh hey, look at that!

Another antidote to the wah wah wah:



In other news, I was just discussing "Last Names We Wouldn't Take" with a chick at work who recently got married and is less than thrilled with her new last name. Her new name is fine, but doesn't have as much character as her maiden name. Among the names we know people have taken but would not take ourselves are:

Cheeseman and Seaman

Can you blame us?

This gum tastes like watermelon Jolly Ranchers...

...and that's not really a good thing since I happen to believe that
watermelon Jolly Ranchers taste like what I'd expect watermelon floor
cleaner to taste like.

It's $1.29 lost to gum science.

My Fat Ass, Lyle Lovett and Adult Acne

1. I have been a very bad weight watcher these past few days. I neeeeeed to get my head back in the game. Tonight is Power Ranger kick boxing FOR SURE. No bones about it.

2. I have a few Lyle Lovett songs on my ipod that I must have picked up in CD exchanges and I have to say -- I totally see how he scored him some Julia Roberts. I got all cocky with my spending last night and I bought a whole gang of of Lyle Lovett stuff and I think I am going to add "Go to a Lyle Lovett concert" to my life list.

3. My skin sucks. This is making me crazy because I've always had perfectly lovely skin so I never read those articles in the teen magazines and now I'm stuck at 33 and not knowing how to MAKE IT STOP. My dermatologist gave me some Retin-A cream, which was nice until I realized that it has to make it worse before it gets better and OH CRAP MY FACE IS PEELING, which wasn't as bad as OH CRAP I GOT IT ON MY EYELIDS!

Do you KNOW what happens when you accidentally get Retin-A cream on your eyelids, Internet?

Let me tell you: YOUR EYELIDS CRACK OPEN AND BLEED.

How's that for HOT?

Seriously, I'm a mess. And not even a hot mess...just a mess.

I thought maybe a facial would clear me out and get me back on the right path but YOU GUYS, I left that facial with SCABS. I guess that's what I get for trying a new place because I got a Groupon. Next time I'll know better and I'll pay full price for quality time with Jessica at JEM.

4. This is a lame update, I know. SOMEONE was giving me shit for the lack of updates about things other than my newphew so THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I need a better mirror. The lighting in here just will NOT do.

After today, this dress is getting put away until spring. Sleep tight,
Dress.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Cinnamon

I would like to apologize to cinnamon for being a hater for all these years.

I was wrong. Cinnamon is actually pretty good, once you get it away from that disgusting mess people like to call "apple pie."

Particularly:

A. In Mexican brownies, which I made for the fireworks extravaganza I went to on Saturday night. They're pretty awesome, which is saying something because this was the first time I've ever made brownies from scratch. PLUS, despite the four eggs, two cups of sugar and whole cup of butter, they're only five Weight Watcher points each (if you cut them small enough) so last night, in lieu of dinner, I had a warmed up brownie topped with a four-point baby thing of coffee ice cream and a few slivered almonds and OH MY.

I think I might need to have brownies and ice cream for dinner every night this week.

B. In Mexican chocolate ice cream at Mitchell's. That list of 100 things to try in SF was wrong about the baby coconut ice cream...the Mexican chocolate is the way to go.

C. In coffee. I was watching an episode of the 10 Dollar Dinners (of The Next Food Network Star fame) and she suggested adding a pinch of cinnamon to coffee to special it up and, inspired by my new found enjoyment of cinnamon in brownies and ice cream, I gave it a shot this morning.

My official review: Even though I forgot about the ol' French press and left it brewing for close to 20 minutes (oops!) while I beautified, the cinnamon made it delicious.

In summary:

I like cinnamon now.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I mean, SERIOUSLY...

HOW CUTE is my nephew?





His hair continues to kill me. It just DOES THAT! All by itself! We're all going to cry the day it lays down like normal hair but until then, when he sleeps on your chest you get a nose full of mohawk.

These are for my mom, who has some sort of technical issue that keeps her from seeing any videos I might send her privately but she can see them here, so you all get to see them too:

video

And (IT'S AN UNFLATTERING ANGLE, I KNOW!):

video

Photo Documentation

1. Okay so I used to post my near-daily outfit pictures to a different spot but I changed my Flickr auto-blog-post settings so they post here...so if you're wondering why all of a sudden I'm posting pictures of me in my office bathroom, it's because I like to document these things. Most of you are familiar with my vanity, I'm pretty sure.

So here are a couple of last week's outfits that I didn't post because I wanted to explain the outfit posting thing before I posted more. This was Tuesday:



Jordan, that's that Old Navy sweater that I copied from you!

I don't know what happened to Wednesday and I didn't bother with Thursday because I was unhappy with my ensemble -- I had to find something "appropriate" for the geocaching expedition immediately after work so it was pretty blah.

Friday:



2. Photo evidence of my F-Secure reunion (Hey Walkera, I totally stole these pictures from you!):

JAZZ HANDS!



Petri, the gentleman on the far right, is SUCH a happy, friendly, go-getting kind of guy so I think it's odd that he's so stoic and straight-faced in alllll the pictures from Friday night:



Me and Walkera:



And the opposite view of the 2 Girls, 7 Cups picture I posted on Friday:



All in all I think 20 or so people showed up and even though it had been ten years, everyone looked pretty much the same. YAY, FSC!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Two Girls, Seven Cups


Two Girls, Seven Cups, originally uploaded by dumpstar_drummer.

You may now reboost your computers.

NUMBER ONE: HOW IN THE HELL IS IT OCTOBER ALREADY?

2. My nephew is just the most wonderful thing ever and I love him so much that I'm willing to post a video featuring my squeaky talking-to-a-baby-or-to-the-dog voice:

video

Baby looks SO MUCH like my brother, which is kind of a trip considering my brother is a red-headed white boy and we really didn't think his DNA stood a chance against L's dark, Filapina genes but sure enough -- he looks like my brother as a baby (with hair that shines reddish in the sun, even!) but with a touch of Asian.

2a. My friend Bree and I were discussing that now that I'm keeping certain peoples' actual names on the down-low from the stalkers, I need to come up with a better naming convention than just initials because that is SO ANNOYING to read. I haven't thought of anything yet though so Bree, I apologize for the "L" in the above paragraph!

2b. Sidebar: I've known Bree since Kindergarten. Her parents still live five houses down from mine. We went to rival high schools. We had Ethiopian food for lunch when she was in grad school in DC and I was passing through on one of my solo road trip adventures. Her mom used to give us American cheese which I thought was THE BEST THING EVER because my mom only ever bought cheddar.

Back to my nephew for one quick minute: So my brothers and I all look very much alike and I swear, I was looking at this video and I could see ME as a baby.

But slightly Asian.

And then the other day I was admiring the chunks of fat that are forming above his knees and I realized that awwwwwwl, that's something else we have in common!

3. In other news, I went "geocaching" last night. The quotes are because unless "geocaching" means "walking around in the wilderness and getting chunks of tree in your hair and wondering if, oh shit, was that poison oak? WHAT IS MAKING THAT RUSTLING SOUND?" then we didn't ACTUALLY "geocache." If we'd actually found something, it would have been a different story, but we didn't. And really, when I say "we" I mean "pretty much just David" because I was in Converse and was carrying a bottle of lime essence sparkling water and it took me about five minutes to be OVER IT and when he was like "Come on, it's only a quarter mile further straight up the face of this MOUNTAIN, want me to carry your water?" I was like "NO SIR, I WILL SIT HERE ON THIS MOSSY LOG AND WAIT WHILE YOU GO FIND YOUR BURIED TREASURE."

So I did.

I plopped it down and observed nature for like half an hour.

I kept reaching for my phone so I could mo-blog the experience and/or keep Facebook updated as to my wildernessy evening but my phone had the GPS coordinates so I gave it to the mountain man which means that OMG I WAS IN THE WILDERNESS WITHOUT A WAY TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

It was like Survivor: Rancho San Antonio Park.

So instead of internetting about it, I sat there on that log and thought about why I was all of a sudden NOT WILLING to climb up this mountain when NORMALLY I'd be all "I might kill myself in the process, but I'm going to prove that I can do it!" I'm still not sure why but I stopped beating myself up about it when David came stumbling out of the bushes and needed to take a moment to recover.

In summary, it was my third or fourth attempt at geocaching and I've still never found one. I think this means that maybe I'm not geeky enough for the sport.

4. Tonight's Agenda:

I am going to an F-Secure reunion. F-Secure was the first company I worked for out of college and it was straight up Melrose Place in that joint (I think that's what happens when you mix the dot-com boom and a bunch of cocky sales people with company-sponsored happy hours and "Happy First Day at F-Secure" shots of diesel) but some of my closest friends came out of that experience and, for the most part, I have fond memories.

I was going to share a picture of me from that era but oh maaaaaaaaaan, they're bad. SO bad that I can't bring myself to do it.

The title of this post, btw, is a shout out to my F-Secure homies.

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