A utilitarian Cabo wrap up!

Okay Internet, as you know, I picked up and went to Cabo last week.

I was resort ready:



Here I am self-portraiting in the shuttle while I waited for the other shuttle-ees:



Note the Jasmine earrings.

Also note: If you ever go to Cabo, listen to your friends' advice and BEELINE outside the airport because the guys INSIDE the airport want to sell you a timeshare and they'll spend 85 years telling you how beautiful you are and acting amazed that you're not married because you're so beautiful. The shuttle guy you're looking for is all the way outside the airport...not in the lobby.

The view from our room:



Hello, Pacific Ocean!

The waves were big and they looked like FUN but I guess the depth drops off pretty quickly and the current is strong and people DIE and stuff out there so we weren't allowed to go IN the water. But boy was it pretty!

After a quick look around I put my 40-pounds-ago bathing suit and Old Navy cover-up on (turns out...if you lose weight you should get a new bathing suit) and hightailed it to the pool for cocktails and ceviche:



And then it was ladies' night!



You can't see my efforts here, but I did accessorize Leslie with the Stella & Dot collection!



Sweet Hayden, ladies' man that he is, did not join us for ladies' night. He didn't meet the dress code:



We spent some quality time taking advantage of the free drinks for ladies and watching a lady who, we swear to you, was out on the town in a figure skating outfit, black fishnets and Easy Spirit *pumps* and then we somehow ended up eating all-you-can-eat sushi at the sort of attached sushi counter next to the bar.

You guys.

That sushi?

Easily the best sushi I've ever eaten!

My SIL-Who-Does-Not-Wear-John-Deere-Pajamas asked me if it was better than that time I went to Tojo's for world class sushi and I'd say it was on par with Tojo's, but since it was $50 a head versus $200 a head, Cabo sushi was better.

The next morning Leslie and I ate off our hangovers with a lukewarm buffet breakfast (with a spectacular view) and then we all spent the day lounging, eating fish tacos and drinking blended beverages by the pool.

After our busy day we got dolled up and headed down for dinner at one of the restaurants:



We did not dine here, but I'm still DYING to know what Asian/Mediterranean/Mexican food is:



Instead we had a extremely disappointing dinner that would have been completely worthless and blah had it not been for the dessert.

The restuarant we chose turned out to be their 24 hour family dining coffee shop disguised as a white tablecloth place. The menu was eclectic -- reubens, seafood enchilladas, lasagna, pad thai, burgers, etc. And calamari! And since I will ALWAYS order the calamari if it's offered, we got ourselves all tasted up for it and when the waiter came toward us with a big, giant bowl I was salivating and silently thanking Mexico for being such a seafood value.

Except then he sat the bowl down in front of us.

And Leslie and I peered in.

And then looked at each other.

It was a very "WHERE'S THE BEEF???" situation.

Imagine if you took a big, giant pasta serving bowl and added a MOUNTAIN of those white, fried, space-filler Asian noodles. Then imagine you took ten typical calamari rings and busted out your mandolin to slice each ring into five or six paper thin slices before frying them up, letting them sit there for a while and then serving them to your diners.

Cold fried calamari aside, the whole thing was damn near the most ridiculous plate of anything I've ever seen.

But we ate it anyway.

The next day I got up BRIGHT AND EARLY because we had 10AM spa appointments and I wanted to be sure to enjoy the spa's assortment of hydro therapy options before my treatments.
On my way to breakfast (another disappointment):



Taking an illicit spa locker room photo because it was so early that I was the only one there:



I've been to a handful of spas in my day but this was the first time I'd seen a cold plunge. You couldn't just bite the bullet and jump in -- you had to walk down the ice bath stairs, willing your body to continue. I was the only person I saw go in neck-deep -- most people wouldn't go past their toes (SUCK IT UP, PEOPLE!), but I have to give credit to Leslie for going in about chest-deep. The little yelp she made when her torso hit the cold, cold water was worth the price of admission.

After my two treatments -- a facial and some sort of Indian massage that involved long, light strokes from my neck, down my butt and to my ankles -- I went and lounged poolside while I waited for the other ladies to finish their spa appointments.

Shrimp cocktail, poolside:



My efforts to shoo this little bird away from my chips:



Were in vain because he was a bird with cajones:



And he caused me to knock over the Tabasco:



It was a windy, gray day so we eventually headed back inside:



And were greeted by towel swans!





(Which totally made the towel folding class listed on the activity board make much more sense.)

I decided that since this was my last full day, I wanted to brave the cold weather and get as much sun on my white legs as possible so I walked up to the infinity pool:





And oh hey, it was happy hour! In Mexico this seems to mean that they bring you two of whatever you ordered...in this case, it was two chi chis (appropriate, no?):



And then I walked back down the mountain:



And got ready for dinner:



BUT FIRST! It was happy hour again:



And then there was some picture taking:



(And again I Stella & Dotted Leslie up!)

And then there was an argument with the cab driver.

And then we went back to that AWESOME sushi place and did (my first) saki bombs:



Which were followed by happy hour (AGAIN) two-for-one margaritas:



Sushi and margaritas!

My kind were not welcome here:



The next morning was sunny and beautiful so we got a couple more hours of pool time in before we had to go home:





I'm torn between showing you a close up of THE necklace (the one that started it all) and allowing you to think I have a mustache (as indicated in the photo)...but I'm going for it:



And JUST SO YOU KNOW, I do NOT have a mustache because I pay a lady very good money to keep it that way!

And then, after a seemingly endless wait in an un-air-conditioned airport terminal, I was home:



If you're my Facebook friend you know there was a celebrity-I-am-not-cool-enough-to-identify on my flight. That's him in the blue:



I probably need to read People magazine more often.

Overall Observations:

1. The resort was gorgeous.

2. With the exception of the poolside menu (and the sushi we left the resort for TWICE), the food sucked.

3. The toilets would clog if you flushed more than 3/4 of a sheet of toilet paper so needless to say, they couldn't handle my action. On the upside, our toilet got plunged within five minutes each time we called (which was multiple times).

4. The ashtrays were reguarly smoothed out and stamped with the resort logo:



I LOVE THIS and one day when I'm rich, I'm going to have ashtrays all over my compound...not for people to actually use, but for someone to moisten, smooth out and re-stamp. (But I'd prefer for this to just magically happen because Leslie and I did happen to see the lady doing it one time and it was like I'd seen Santa Claus.)

5. It was a very, very welcome trip and I had a lovely, lovely time. I don't see myself becoming one of those Cabo-Twice-a-Year people (or even twice a decade) because there are so many other places I'd like to go, but it was 10000% money well spent!

Ten million thank yous to Leslie and posse for allowing me to crash their vacation!