My knees hurt, wah wah wah.

I usually pride myself on my bad ass tolerance for pain but there are some things that just RAIN ON MY FREAKING PARADE, like this newfangled knee pain I've been having.

OHHHHHHHHHHHH the aches.

The funny thing is that running doesn't hurt at all but bending my knee to set my parking break? Oh shit. That's not such an awesome time.

I have internet-diagnosed myself with this:

Chrondromalacia Patella

In layman's terms: Sucks for you, knees get old, too bad, so sad.

My boot camp coach suggested icing my knees, which seems in line with the internet doctor recommendations so I'm doing that PLUS I'm gonna try to take my running and exercising down a notch. No more boot camp (which I'm not crying any tears over -- I am NOT a fan of the Campbell classes) and instead of continuing to kick my own ass with the running business (which is less fun and empowering than it was over the summer), I'm going to start over and do the Couch to 5k thing.

In other exercisey news, I took my knees to my favorite train wreck of a step class on Saturday morning. The class is very complicated and LOUD and difficult to follow and people are alllllllllways leaving after like 10 minutes because it's not your standard 24 Hour step class. The teacher is a WHACKADOO though and you never know what the heck is gonna come out of her mouth so I partially go for the entertainment value.

Example: A couple years ago I brought a friend to the class and I was like "Okay, it's gonna be complicated and fast and totally over-the-top loud, but just stick with it and you'll survive." Halfway through the class some dude came in (not a 24 Hour staff member or anything...just some dude) and asked Polly (the teacher) to turn down the music and she LOST HER EVER-LOVING MIND.

"F-THIS, F-THAT, I'M NOT TURNING SHIT DOWN MOTHAFUCKA SCREW YOU I'M SICK OF THIS, I MAKE $100 AN HOUR AT MY DAY JOB I DON'T NEED THIS BULLSHIT I'M OUT OF HERE, BITCH!"

So she packed up all her stuff in a HUFF, all while continuing to tell us all the curse words she knew, and then she was gone.

Poof!

Except guess who didn't get fired over that display?

HER!

She's still around, still teaching a non-standard class that confuses the hell out of anyone who's not a regular, and still all at a decibel level that SURELY must be damaging my hearing.

So last Saturday rolls around and I decide that I'll go back to her class (for the first time in months) and it was the first real Saturday of the new year which meant that there were a bunch of newbies who had no idea what they were in for and of course, a few dropped out almost immediately. Two of them made the faux pas of not putting their equipment away so she started yelling at them as they left. They really should have put it away, but Polly screamed at them about leaving their stuff in the way and stormed over to pick it all up and then THREW IT AGAINST THE WALL.

Two step benches and the associated risers.

AGAINST THE WALL.

So, OF COURSE, they BOUNCED BACK AT HER so she KICKED everything back against the mirror, but they BOUNCED BACK AGAIN and it was COMICAL. And also wildly inappropriate.

Yet, I'm SURE she'll be back next week.

The best part is that Polly is a plumber in her non-psycho-aerobics-instructor life and she likes to tell everyone how much money she makes, how retarded customers are, how much money she makes (again), etc. She's also somewhat of a butta-face: Rockin' bod, BIG FAKE BOOBS, but hmmmmmmmmmm...not gonna win any beauty contests. (And she uses scrunchies to pull her hair back.)

Conveniently, my old friend Joanie's baby daddy is a plumber and a bunch of his friends are plumbers so I asked them if they knew a lady plumber named Polly and they all rolled their eyes and said YES AND OMG, SHE'S A BUTTA-FACE WITH THOSE BOOBS AND THAT TRUCKER MOUTH AND OH MAAAAAAAAN SHE'S A FREAK!

In summary:

1. My knees hurt.

2. I'm starting the Couch to 5k thing today.

3. My step teacher is a FRUIT LOOP with big, fake boobs and an unpleasant disposition.