Mr & Mrs Closs

My posse gathered themselves up and headed out to enjoy a central valley New Year's Eve at THUNDER VALLEY (to be said with gusto) Casino and I would have loved to slum it with them but I had very important plans for my NYE: I was going to Sacramento to watch my friend Alyssa marry the love of her life, the handsome and talented Mr. John Closs.

(Note: That's not really Alyssa's husband's name but I AM INCAPABLE of calling him "John." I am compelllllled to call him by his first and last name because they just GO together but I didn't want to out him on the www so I made up something that rhymed...so John Closs it is!)

Alyssa and I went to junior high and high school together (GO HAWKS! GO LIONS!). She was a year younger than me but we shared the glory of PE class together and were therefore bonded for life. "For life" with the exception of "all those years between high school and 2007-ish when we didn't keep in touch" but then a mutual friend was all "Hey! Alyssa just moved to San Francisco and YOU just moved to San Francisco! You should call her!"

And so I did. And then we brunched. And then we discussed that I found an official, documented list of my friends that I'd officially documented in my diary (circa 1990)and that she had made the list. And if it's OFFICIALLY DOCUMENTED, then we must adhere to the documentation.

And so it was...

And then we bonded over a mutual feeling of "Okay no, seriously, there is not a single, datable man in this city. They're all freaks or they don't appreciate us or they're afraid of us. FOR REALS."

And then she went on a blind date with John Closs.

And then I met him.

And then I went "PUT A FORK IN HER, SHE'S DONE!"

And then a couple years later, I was at their wedding.

In lovely downtown Sacramento:



I was all dolled up special in a size dress I've NEVER SEEN before:



Except OOPS! It turned out the bridesmaids were ALSO wearing black dresses and red shoes. Yikes. But oh well.

They all walked down the aisle to a kicky little song that I need to ask the name of because it was awesome and SO Alyssa. The overhead lights in the historic bank building were low but her smile and her dress twinkled in the light of the alter and I'm telling you -- every bride looks beautiful, but THIS bride looked FANTASTIC and HAPPY and EXCITED and full of SASS and I'll betcha a dollar John Closs was watching her and thinking that was the luckiest man on the planet.

I mean seriously, look at how well this woman carries a shopping bag:



Her walk down the aisle was the first of four moments that stuck out for me.

The second was during the vows. Or the talking-about-what-they-mean-to-each-other part. She told John Closs that when she met him she felt like it was just so easy...that she didn't feel the need spend time trying to figure out how to make herself seem more interesting. I got choked up because I remember talking in the pre-John-Closs days about this very thing and that we both KNEW that we were catches, yet we'd both bend over backwards for men who didn't deserve us.

The third was during the toast portion of the evening when one of her uncles (I think?) talked about how he used to worry about her because she was just SO SPECIAL that he couldn't imagine a man ever being special enough for her but when he met John Closs, he knew she'd found someone worthy. I know that's a lovely thing to say at someone's wedding but really, I think it's true.

The fourth thing and the part that got me all choked up was when she thanked her parents. She said that watching her parents taught her how she should expect to be treated by a man.

I needed a tissue.

Slightly less touching, but still plenty of fun and actually kinda prophetic:

Pretending to fight my friend Christopher for the bouquet.



We made up though.



Eventually the party wound down and we went to the after party at a nearby hotel. There were...I dunno...15 people there? I only knew a few of them though and after security came by and told us to be quiet three times I suggested that we all go around the room and whisper who we were and how we knew Alyssa and John Closs.

And actually, I'd like to ammend my previous statement that there were four stand-out moments for me because that whisper circle was pretty great too. I think whispering makes people say lovlier things (or at least makes what they say sound lovlier) -- except for me because I went first and was all "I've known Alyssa since junior high and we had PE class together and we used to play Ultimate Frisbee."

There aint much about Ultimate Frisbee that I'd say qualifies as "lovely."

Also, I think I may have inadvertantly gotten engaged to John Closs's little brother during that whisper circle. (Confidential to 007: Oops! Sorry about that!)

It was getting late and I had beauty rest to get so I could be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for my brother's wedding the next day (or, like, 14 hours later) so I took myself back to my hotel, but not before posing with the emergency rehydration supplies in the bathroom:



And then my tasteful, ruffly dress and I walked through the mayhem in my hotel's lobby (they'd had a mega NYE party there that night) and rode up to the 19th floor with an assortment of gentlemen with grills and their (cough) not-at-all-trashily-dressed ladies and listened to the fights and relationship dramas in the hallway all night long, until it was time to pack up, head home, and prepare for my brother's wedding.

And because I'm realizing I've made it through this whole post without a picture of the groom, here you go -- the happy couple: