Office Worker

When I was 19 I dated Joe v1. His BFF at the time was a dude named Matt. Joe and I were joined at the hip with Matt and his girlfriend Kindra. Matt and Kindra broke up and not that long afterwards, Joe and I broke up too (in unrelated events). Matt and I stayed friends for a while but we eventually lost touch. There was one meet up for coffee sometime post-college, but that was about it.

Fast forward 10 years and I started working at this client site and I figured out or somehow already knew that Matt was an employee here. I looked him up, we said “WHOA! LONG TIME NO SEE!” and other than the high level update on life since we’d last seen each other, that was it.

A couple years later I started dating Joe v2. He and Matt had also sort of lost touch over the years (which I think had something to do with the fact that OOPS! Matt married one of Joe v1’s ex-girlfriends!) but still talked once in a while.

Matt and I didn’t talk during the Joe v2 period but I know he knew that Joe and I were back together. There wasn’t a particular reason for the non-talking other than Joe+Elizabeth+Matt+Kindra was 100 years ago and now Matt is married to Joe’s ex girlfriend (who I met once and she was NOT in the Elizabeth fan club) so we were never going to be Joe+Elizabeth+Matt+Meghan anyway.

And then I started working on a new project last summer, right in the middle of the whole breakup v2 fiasco, and one day I looked up and went “OH MY GOD.” Because you know what, Internet? Not only did Matt work somewhere here (there are a billion buildings so we were not at risk of running into each other and even if we did, I’m cool with Matt so I would be happy to see him), but OH HEY! IT TURNS OUT HIS WIFE DOES TOOOOOOO!

And she sat like 50 feet away from me.

My ex-boyfriend twice removed’s ex-girlfriend who was now married to the ex-boyfriend twice removed’s ex-BFF.

Yay for me. But bonus mice: I’m pretty sure Joe would have shit his pants if he’d known that he had so many ex-girlfriends working in such close proximity to each other.

I’m still not sure if this was the correct decision because Meghan was Matt’s wife and Matt is an old friend of mine so it would have been nice to be nice to her, but I was still stunned from the Joe v2 fallout and opted to stay quiet about it all. I don’t work in that building anymore so the daily risk of running into her in the bathroom (again) was over, but I wish I could have been like “OMG! Meghan! Hey!” and had everything be okay.

[Sidebar: I’ve had the same hair stylist for more than ten years, minus a year or so where I went to Shasta – the BFF of the wife of a dude I went to high school with (complicated, I know) but then eventually bailed on her and went back to Laurie, my one true hairstylist love who has never let me down. Well last week I was getting my hairs did and I looked up and saw Shasta WHO NOW WORKS IN THE SAME SALON AS LAURIE and I really wish I’d taken the opportunity be all “Hey! I know you! You are Amy’s friend! You cut my hair a few times!” but I didn’t (but I did tell Laurie that OMG SHE USED TO CUT MY HAIR FOR THAT SPLIT SECOND 100 YEARS AGO WHEN YOU WEREN’T DOING IT, which I’m sure will get back to Shasta) and I saw her recognize me as someone she probably knows and now that I opened my trap to Laurie, the cat is probably out of the bag but I missed my window to be cool about it.

My point here is that I HATE when I randomly weenie out and don’t call out that OMG I KNOW YOU because it makes it even more awkward in the long run.]

So I never said anything to Meghan, but whatever because I switched projects and switched buildings and blah blah blah.

And then one day I was on a web meeting (which is every day) and I was looking at the attendee list and I’M SORRY, WHAT? Turns out Matt is working on this project too! And now I’m in web meetings with Matt three or four times a week and even had to ask him to get this one particular document for me today.

And the whole point of this post is to give you the background for what really just boils down to one thing:

It’s really, really weird to hear him talk on these calls because in my head he’s 20 years old but suddenly it’s 15 years later and we’re adults and we’re talking about businessy things and we’re not eating burritos on the beach or shaving his head in my basement or discussing whether or not he should throw his mack at my friend Valerie (who is now married with two kids).

So when I hear him talk about TPS reports and the policy about that other thing and the strategy relating to that other thing, a little bit of smoke comes out of my ears. My brain can’t process that the dude who spent half of his 21st birthday passed out on the toilet (I have photographic proof) is now a player in my daily game of “Office Worker.”