Sex Ed by Elizabeth

So the other day I was at a favorite store of mine (looking for gifts for others and SUCCESSFULLY not buying anything for myself, which is a FIRST!) and the cashier asked if I was planning on going to the "retro"-movie-projected-onto-a-big-wall event happening just down the way. No, I said, but it got us into a conversation about watching movies again as an adult after having seen them 100 times as a kid and how amazing it is to suddenly understand plot lines and jokes and OH! THAT'S what they meant!!!!

I cited the movie Baby Boom as an example.

You've seen it, right? Probably on TBS or something for most people, but it was on heavy rotation in my VCR in the early 90's. If you've been living under VHS-free rock, it's about a high-powered executive lady (Diane Keaton) with a fancy New York City lifestyle who inherits a baby from a dead long lost cousin and then she breaks up with her high-powered NYC boyfriend (Igor from Ghost Busters), moves to Vermont, starts a gourmet baby food company, falls in love with the town veterinarian and lives happily ever after.

Sorry if I ruined the ending for you.

But anyway, before she inherits the baby, Diane Keaton and Igor from Ghostbusters are in bed, reading worky-looking papers, and he asks her if she wants to "make love" and then they put the paperwork aside, the camera shoots to the clock, we see that they "make love" for five minutes and then the camera returns to Diane Keaton and Igor from Ghostbusters and other than a few mussed hairs, they're still pajama'd and they go on about their reading.

Eleven-year-old Elizabeth had a vague idea about what sex was, but I was really perplexed about what "making love" might be. With Baby Boom as my limited evidence, surely it was something brief that was done while still fully clothed.

The cashier and I laughed at my naivety.

Then just now a song from that same era came on, which got this post brewing in my head while I sang along and swept the floor:



So based on Baby Boom and Heart's All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You, I knew the following to be true about making love:

1. It didn't take very long.
2. You didn't have to take your clothes off, but it was something that could get you pregnant.
3. It was something you could do with either your boyfriend or a hitchhiker.

Duh.

I don't have a smart or scandalous ending to this story (my life is boring and free of Ghostbusters and hitchhikers), but it was running through my brain, so now let it run through YOUR brain, Internet.

Also: Unprotected sex with a hitchhiker?

Gross.