Linty Cracks

Of the many things I have to be thankful for, the one that really just makes me SO SO SO happy is that my dad got hearing aids and he loves them.

My dad, as anyone who knows him has probably figured out, is loosing his hearing. This is unfortunate for all the standard reasons, but is also FRUSTRATING because he'll either be snippy with you if he doesn't hear what you say or he'll just pretend that he *does* hear you, which is also a pain. Also: I'm sure the neighbors five houses down enjoy knowing exactly what my parents are watching on TV because you can hear their TV FOR BLOCKS. (Only a slight exaggeration.)

He got hearing aids probably 10 years ago but he wore them for a day and was distracted by every hair that fell off his head and landed SO LOUDLY on the floor, not to mention the unbearable cacophony of a crowded room, so he put them in a drawer and never wore them again.

He has had other hearing tests over the years and the answer was always that he had nerve deafness, which is the worst kind of hearing loss because TOO BAD, SO SAD, there's nothing they can do about it.

(Thanks for that, Vietnam War and Job Jackhammering for PG&E.)

[Note: If you are aware of my family's immediate go-to thought when we say "Jackhammer," then I assure you, my dad didn't lose his hearing because my brother turned down a job on a gay porn set, but not before obtaining a copy of their latest hit, Jackhammer II...in this case I really do mean "using the construction variety of jackhammer."]

[And now the www will speculate which one of my brothers used to be gay but has since "turned straight" and has a wife and a child to prove it. Answer: Neither. I know for a fact that I am the only member of my family who has seen Jackhammer II. My review: Boring and monotonous. And why not clean the lint out of your crack first?]

[Also: No need to see Jackhammer I in order to understand the plot of Jackhammer II.]

[AND NOW my dad is cringing that a lovely little story about how happy I am that he got new hearing aids has been derailed by linty cracks in the gay porn his daughter studied so closely.]

So his hearing got worse and worse and I would spend time worrying about what the heck he was going to do in ten or twenty or thirty years.

But then, and I'm not really clear on the details here, but he went for another hearing test just for shits and giggles and when the lady told him she could help him, he figured sure, whatever...but okay VA...gimme what you got.

So she did.

And they worked!

The first time my mom told me how happy he was with his new hearing aids, I had to WILL the tears to go back into my head. When I asked him about his new hearing aids and heard about how happy he was firsthand, I maaaaaaaaaaaaaay have gotten a little misty.

And then I realized that the TV was at a normal volume.

And then I realized that SHIT! We can't talk about his Christmas presents in front of him anymore!

But seriously, Internet...of all the things I have to be thankful for this year, the improvement in my dad's quality of life that is coming as part of his ability to hear again? It's in the top two.