WORDS! OMG!

1.     I have gained 18 pounds in the last 11 months. This is unacceptable. About half of that is from the time I spent eating and drinking my way through Colorado (and then celebrating my time at home with more eating and drinking) and half from the last month or so. The last month portion is thanks to a variety of factors:

A.      I’m only marginally employed. I have a job and a paycheck and all that jazz, but I’ve been between projects which means I have lots of time to sit around in close proximity to the fridge.

B.      I’ve been battling a case of the blues. This is partially because of my lack of a place to go every day, but also because I’m pretty unfulfilled in terms of love and career. The effort to make changes in these departments has taken A LOT of energy, but ultimately has failed (for now), which has been discouraging and exhausting and has also led to a lot of couch à refrigerator à couch à refrigerator circles.

The good news is that the family and community portions of my life are rich and I couldn’t ask for more. I’m trying to eek out some wins in the career department to push me over to the greater-than-50%-happiness side of things (assuming 25% weight across the family, community, love and career categories, though I don’t necessarily think the weighting is truly equal). 50% happiness isn’t baaaaad and plenty of people would be happy to be 50% happy, but I’m used to being closer to 75% and I’d like to get back there. (I won’t even get into the topic I spend a lot of time thinking about: Does anyone get 100%? Should I be content with 75%?)

2.       The bonus to being only marginally employed is that I’ve enjoyed a lot of flexibility with my workout schedule so I’ve been kicking ass and taking names. We could argue that at least a smidge of that 18 pound weight gain has been because I’m building muscle and sure, I’ll agree to that, but I know I haven’t gained muscle in my face, so plenty of it is fat.

3.       Dating is brutal and I do not recommend it. I’m trying to decide if it’s more draining than a job search but I really can’t tell. Both involve significant effort and lots of rounds of interviews and long periods of anxious waiting.

Part of my current struggle is that I got kicked in the head by a job prospect and a relationship prospect in the same week and, as Leslie pointed out, in virtually the same way:

You are really great and but we’ve decided to close this particular rec. We like you SO much that we tried to see if there was another role we could put you in but decided that the timing just isn’t right. We may have a spot for you in the next 3-6 months though so please keep in touch!

And then:

You are really great but I’m realizing that I’m just not as ready for this as I thought I was and last week I was cool but this week I’m freaking out and all I’m doing is making us both crazy while I try to sort through my crap. The timing isn’t right. Please keep in touch.

Seriously, Internet. THE.SAME.WEEK.

But then because my community is 100% amazing, my lady friends circled the wagons and we drank a lot of pink champagne together. There were also a lot of spin classes to counteract all the pink champagne (see: #2).

I beat my head against the dating wall all the time, but to actually like someone is *rare*. “OMG that guy couldn’t stop touching his teeth!” or “OMG the first words out of his mouth to me were ‘Just so you know, I don’t have a sense of smell’” or “OMG he smelled like old sweat” are easy peasy to move on from (“run away from” is more like it). But “OMG he was cute and he smelled like soap and he enjoys his family and we could talk foreverrrrrrr” was a tough one to walk away from (I did manage to beat him to the punch, but just barely).

The search for cute, pleasantly scented, from-a-nice-family, employed and EMOTIONALLY STABLE men continues. If anyone knows where they’re hiding, I have half a dozen amazing single ladies on my team who would also like to tap into this elusive circle.

So, I’m sort of sad and fat these days. Unfortunately, they’re a coordinating set. 

But *fortunately*, I have friends who will drink pink champagne and go to spin class with me (not usually in that order) and I have the five cutest nieces and nephews in the whole entire world so my 50% of awesome is REALLY awesome.

And speaking of those perfect children, so help me God, I *will* video my miracle niece saying my name. Even though she can say “Elizabeth” perfectly when telling you what her name is (her middle name is Elizabeth), she can’t say it at allllll when she’s talking about me. “Aunta Bip Bip Bip” is the best I can type it. And because she’s a sassypants (the fucking fours, we’re told), if you directly ask her what my name is she starts purposefully speaking jibberish.

But when I walk up to their house and I hear “AUNTA BIP BIP BIP!!!” I care far, far less about the crappy 50%.