Alternate Title #1: Some Dude Named Steven Carter is a Mind Reader
Alternate Title #2: Hindsight is 20/20
A therapist friend of mine was pretty insistent that I read a book called Men Who Can't Love because she was CONVINCED that Joe was [80's pop psych warning!] a commitmentphobe. I know he has more baggage than he can carry, but I didn't think fear of commitment or love were part of his problems. She was SURE of it though so I finally broke down and read the book because I wanted to be able to tell her that NO, HE DOESN'T HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY.
So I put on elastic-waisted pants, got a cat, read the Cathy comic strip, drank some Folgers crystals and started reading this embarrassing-to-own book. I guess it was ALL THE RAGE in like 1986 or whenever it was originally published and I was READY to roll my eyes throughout the whole thing except OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, it's like the author was watching the entire Joe/Elizabeth relationship unfold and wrote it all down. But like 25 years before it actually happened.
A storybook romance that ends bizarrely?
CHECK!
A woman who is left going WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HERE?
CHECK!
I had to stop and go find a highlighter because sooooo much of it was DEAD ON BALLS ACCURATE of Joe. The book is all "The commitmentphobe will likely tell the woman THIS and then THAT and then THIS (CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!) and then they'll fall madly, deeply in love (CHECK!) and then he'll suddenly develop anxiety problems (CHECK!) and then he'll cruelly dump her (CHECK!) and leave her scratching her head and thinking he *must* be having some sort of a breakdown (CHECK!) and then, free from the pressure of commitment, he'll start coming back around (CHECK!), but this time the cycle will all progress much faster and the woman will be abandoned even more cruelly than before (CHECK!) and oh, PS, there will most likely be another woman involved (CHECK!) and don't be surprised if she lives out of the area (CHECK!) but the original woman shouldn't feel like she was inadequate because the more perfect and wonderful and attractive she is (CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, duh!), the more he's going to freak out and run the other way because women like her are the marrying kind and that's exactly what is freaking him out, even though he was the one who started the conversations about marriage and being together forever (CHECK!)."
And then I was like
OH.
MY.
GOD.
It also calls out the "But he was married! How can he be a commitmentphobe?" question and says that some men don't start to feel trapped until after the I Do's.
I don't really understand the details behind why his marriage ended but I wouldn't be surprised if his ex would be able to see her relationship with him in the book too...particularly since I can read the part about how the men will get involved with other (geographically undesirable) women and then see how *I* was that other woman in his relationship with his wife.
Oops. Sorry about that, Former Mrs Joe!
I wasn't the reason why his marriage ended -- it was (allegedly) over before I even came back on the scene -- but the book even says that these other women will often be women from his past...which is true of me AND of the girl he's seeing now.
He did exactly what the book said he'd do and I responded exactly the way the book said I would. I'm AMAZED that we're both so cookie cutter.
It even said that the woman will swear to you that their relationship was special and unique and that she'll swear he must be going through some sort of breakdown and will stand by her man because their relationship was preordained or destiny.
I'm totally blown away at how NAIL ON HEAD that Steven Carter guy is.
Final thoughts before I put the "Bob" tag to bed, once and for all:
1. I'm embarrassed that I found the answer in a self-help book, but I'm relieved to understand how he could have been so in love with me one minute and then so horrible to me the next. I already know that there's nothing I could have done differently, but now I know that his demons are bigger than both of us and I'm the lucky one because I don't have to live in his head and spend my life cycling through feelings of loneliness, anxiety and entrapment. Rinse and repeat.
2. I must admit: If I knew then what I know now I'd probably still walk right into the fire. I recognized other men I've dated in the descriptions of the commitmentphobes but they were far less impactful to me because I wasn't in love with any of them.
You wanna be a dick? Fine. I'm out. ADIOS.
But I spent the better part of 30 years loving Joe so there was no way I was going to walk away without trying my hardest because I would not want to spend another 30 years wondering what might have been.
Which is not to say if he showed up tomorrow I'd be all "Oh, puddin', let me kiss it and make it better" because that wouldn't be the case at all. I'm just saying that if I could rewind a year, I'd probably do it all over again.
3. I will probably never forgive him for what he's done, but now that I'm back at sea level I can forget about him. I feel like I've FINALLY released the ghost and I feel pretty good about whatever comes next.
Showing posts with label bob. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bob. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Things I Would Like to Share:
1. My friend Alyssa moved to Guam for a few years. This means I'm totally going to Guam sometime in 2011.
Have you ever looked at Guam on a map? It is FAR. If you Google map it you have to zoom out five times before you see anything else recognizable and can get perspective on where in the world it actually is. The first time I looked it up I went HOLY CRAP IT'S NEXT TO JAPAN! Except now that I've looked again, it's actually closer to the Philippines, which by the way, is the homeland of my darling nephew's people.
So if I'm in Guam, I might as well swim a bit further and go to Australia to check a few items off the ol' life list, right?
The Australia part will be especially timely because our Australian exchange student and his hot Scottish wife are expecting their first baby this fall so if I go see them in 2011 I'll be able to get my hands on Baby Mordan.
PLUS, I just realized that my pal Dave and his wife are moving to Australia in like A WEEK so I'll have to stop by to see them too!
Basically, Guam and Australia are calling my name. And Carrie's name too because if we can both manage to stay employed for the next year or so (KNOCK ON WOOD), we're gonna be crossing the international date line together!
I bring this all up because now that she has moved to an island out in the middle of nowhere, Alyssa has finally started blogging again and the internet is a more interesting place because of it.
For example:
A. Her husband bought a machete (!) at the local Home Depot and then used it to get a coconut off the tree in their yard, which led to post about how her "yard waste is way more delicious than your yard waste, unless you have a BLT tree or something."
B. This post about the Tecate hat/bottle opener they found made me laugh...particularly the comment about having to wear it really, really tightly.
2. Remember my Stella and Dot hostess friend who told me about the confidence she has felt in relationships and how it's different each time and isn't different good or different bad...just different? And how I was worried about how I'd know if it was different forever?
Welllll, she got engaged over the weekend! Go Lesley and Dan!!
3. And speaking of that blog post...I really can't even begin to tell you how wonderful all the people I know are. The blog comments, emails and real-life comments I got to that post were heartwarming times a million.
These people I know have experienced some crushing, crushing heartache and have bounced back to find people they really, really, REALLY love. These people my people love are very, very lucky but I'll bet they already know that.
I know some really fantastic people and they're all so damn SMART and wise and kind and I'm lucky to have them.
I've said before -- well before this drama started -- that I thought I used up all my chips on having really, really wonderful friends and family and that I didn't have anything left with which to earn a romantic friend. If that does end up being the case, then I'll get to say I told you so. If I'm wrong and I do eventually find a someone, then you'll all get to say I told you so.
(My only request is that if I'm going to find a someone, please let it happen before I have to wear a pantsuit to my wedding.)
(I told my SIL about the pantsuit and she was all "There are plenty of sensible and age-appropriate choices for older brides so you probably won't have to wear a pantsuit" and then I half laughed because her social-worker-raised-on-a-farm sensibility doesn't offer much sugar coating and half cringed because LET'S HOPE I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO SHOP FOR OLDER LADY BRIDAL ENSEMBLES!!!)
Have you ever looked at Guam on a map? It is FAR. If you Google map it you have to zoom out five times before you see anything else recognizable and can get perspective on where in the world it actually is. The first time I looked it up I went HOLY CRAP IT'S NEXT TO JAPAN! Except now that I've looked again, it's actually closer to the Philippines, which by the way, is the homeland of my darling nephew's people.
So if I'm in Guam, I might as well swim a bit further and go to Australia to check a few items off the ol' life list, right?
The Australia part will be especially timely because our Australian exchange student and his hot Scottish wife are expecting their first baby this fall so if I go see them in 2011 I'll be able to get my hands on Baby Mordan.
PLUS, I just realized that my pal Dave and his wife are moving to Australia in like A WEEK so I'll have to stop by to see them too!
Basically, Guam and Australia are calling my name. And Carrie's name too because if we can both manage to stay employed for the next year or so (KNOCK ON WOOD), we're gonna be crossing the international date line together!
I bring this all up because now that she has moved to an island out in the middle of nowhere, Alyssa has finally started blogging again and the internet is a more interesting place because of it.
For example:
A. Her husband bought a machete (!) at the local Home Depot and then used it to get a coconut off the tree in their yard, which led to post about how her "yard waste is way more delicious than your yard waste, unless you have a BLT tree or something."
B. This post about the Tecate hat/bottle opener they found made me laugh...particularly the comment about having to wear it really, really tightly.
2. Remember my Stella and Dot hostess friend who told me about the confidence she has felt in relationships and how it's different each time and isn't different good or different bad...just different? And how I was worried about how I'd know if it was different forever?
Welllll, she got engaged over the weekend! Go Lesley and Dan!!
3. And speaking of that blog post...I really can't even begin to tell you how wonderful all the people I know are. The blog comments, emails and real-life comments I got to that post were heartwarming times a million.
These people I know have experienced some crushing, crushing heartache and have bounced back to find people they really, really, REALLY love. These people my people love are very, very lucky but I'll bet they already know that.
I know some really fantastic people and they're all so damn SMART and wise and kind and I'm lucky to have them.
I've said before -- well before this drama started -- that I thought I used up all my chips on having really, really wonderful friends and family and that I didn't have anything left with which to earn a romantic friend. If that does end up being the case, then I'll get to say I told you so. If I'm wrong and I do eventually find a someone, then you'll all get to say I told you so.
(My only request is that if I'm going to find a someone, please let it happen before I have to wear a pantsuit to my wedding.)
(I told my SIL about the pantsuit and she was all "There are plenty of sensible and age-appropriate choices for older brides so you probably won't have to wear a pantsuit" and then I half laughed because her social-worker-raised-on-a-farm sensibility doesn't offer much sugar coating and half cringed because LET'S HOPE I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO SHOP FOR OLDER LADY BRIDAL ENSEMBLES!!!)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
About to dip the baby in chlorine.
Well shoot.
I've sort of lost the ability to talk about the Joe situation gracefully. The words "LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE" keep coming out of my mouth and that's just not flattering.
I was talking to my SIL last night and was like "OMG YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT!" and she was like "How could it possibly be worse than the post-it note thing??" and I was like "GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRL, LET.ME.TELL.YOU."
And then when I told her she agreed that yes, as bad as the post-it note thing was, this was worse.
I'm officially off the roller coaster and it feels better than I thought it would but while I'm walking out of the theme park I can't help but take peeks back and wonder how in the hell I had been SO WRONG. How was it possible that we were SO in love and SO confident and SO happy, only for it to fall apart SO spectacularly?
I was doing a Stella & Dot party last night and the hostess and I were chatting while I was setting up and I blurted out that OMG JOE IS A LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE AND I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
She volunteered that the first time she felt so much confidence about a relationship that eventually ended she asked herself how she could ever REALLY know if the relationship she would have SWORN would last, didn't. How could she ever trust that feeling?
I haven't known this friend for long and she wouldn't have known that this exact thought had been haunting me for months because I'd never really ever verbalized it: I loved him like I never loved anyone else and I felt SO SO SO SO SURE that he was my future but clearly, he's not. How can I ever ever ever ever trust that feeling ever ever ever ever again?
She said that she has since felt that confidence in a few subsequent relationships and that each time, it feels different. Not really different bad or different good...just different.
It's not really an answer to the question because how do I know when it's different in the forever kind of way? But I suppose if that feeling is sustainable by both parties for a long period of time and lives are grown into each other and commitments are made, it just becomes different in the forever kind of way?
I don't know.
I'm STUNNED that our logistical challenges (Seattle, Chicago, San Jose and the distance between them) went away but were immediately replaced with challenges I thought we were immune to (trust, respect and love).
I really want to say that the man he is today isn't the man he really is, he's going through a really rough time, I love him and I want to be supportive, BLAH BLAH BLAH. Except when I was 19 his final words to me were that I'd always be alone. I'm disappointed in him for choosing a similar sentiment this time around.
"Your impossible standards mean you'll end up alone."
So I guess he hasn't changed much in 15 years.
I feel like I should say that he didn't cheat on ME. He cheated on someone else WITH me and lied to me in the process. If my "impossible standards" of love, trust and monogamy are what keep me from ever finding a partner, then so be it.
But whatever. I'm a woman scorned. I'm a dime a dozen. The thing that DISGUSTS me and the thing that is SO UNFORGIVABLE is that my family got pulled into this mess too.
He hugged my parents. He held my nephew (who, I should point out, wouldn't give him the time of day). These are the people who are the most important to me IN THE WORLD and he, by association, played with their emotions too and THIS is the part that breaks my heart and makes me want to use all caps when I say that he is a LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE.
Remember my roller coaster friend? The one who said she'd be waiting for me at the bottom of the ride, holding my purse? Joe told me that he'd tried to warn me and once again, my roller coaster friend has hit the nail on the head:
I have heard the "I tried to warn you" speech MANY times. It goes with the "You don't deserve this" and the "You are too good for me" speech. They come in a boxed set. They apparently give the user the illusion that they are blanket excuses for bad behavior and absolve them from any guilt and responsibility for anything they do.
He made me the happiest I'd ever been, but also the saddest I'd ever been. I am pleased to report that I am currently feeling very indifferent, with a side of relief and optimism.
So there you go. A not particularly gracious update, but at least I only called him a LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE a few times. And the next time I see my nephew, I will dip him in chlorine to wash the Joe off of him and then I'll kiss him 1,000 times and thank him for being on Team Elizabeth.
I've sort of lost the ability to talk about the Joe situation gracefully. The words "LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE" keep coming out of my mouth and that's just not flattering.
I was talking to my SIL last night and was like "OMG YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT!" and she was like "How could it possibly be worse than the post-it note thing??" and I was like "GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRL, LET.ME.TELL.YOU."
And then when I told her she agreed that yes, as bad as the post-it note thing was, this was worse.
I'm officially off the roller coaster and it feels better than I thought it would but while I'm walking out of the theme park I can't help but take peeks back and wonder how in the hell I had been SO WRONG. How was it possible that we were SO in love and SO confident and SO happy, only for it to fall apart SO spectacularly?
I was doing a Stella & Dot party last night and the hostess and I were chatting while I was setting up and I blurted out that OMG JOE IS A LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE AND I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
She volunteered that the first time she felt so much confidence about a relationship that eventually ended she asked herself how she could ever REALLY know if the relationship she would have SWORN would last, didn't. How could she ever trust that feeling?
I haven't known this friend for long and she wouldn't have known that this exact thought had been haunting me for months because I'd never really ever verbalized it: I loved him like I never loved anyone else and I felt SO SO SO SO SURE that he was my future but clearly, he's not. How can I ever ever ever ever trust that feeling ever ever ever ever again?
She said that she has since felt that confidence in a few subsequent relationships and that each time, it feels different. Not really different bad or different good...just different.
It's not really an answer to the question because how do I know when it's different in the forever kind of way? But I suppose if that feeling is sustainable by both parties for a long period of time and lives are grown into each other and commitments are made, it just becomes different in the forever kind of way?
I don't know.
I'm STUNNED that our logistical challenges (Seattle, Chicago, San Jose and the distance between them) went away but were immediately replaced with challenges I thought we were immune to (trust, respect and love).
I really want to say that the man he is today isn't the man he really is, he's going through a really rough time, I love him and I want to be supportive, BLAH BLAH BLAH. Except when I was 19 his final words to me were that I'd always be alone. I'm disappointed in him for choosing a similar sentiment this time around.
"Your impossible standards mean you'll end up alone."
So I guess he hasn't changed much in 15 years.
I feel like I should say that he didn't cheat on ME. He cheated on someone else WITH me and lied to me in the process. If my "impossible standards" of love, trust and monogamy are what keep me from ever finding a partner, then so be it.
But whatever. I'm a woman scorned. I'm a dime a dozen. The thing that DISGUSTS me and the thing that is SO UNFORGIVABLE is that my family got pulled into this mess too.
He hugged my parents. He held my nephew (who, I should point out, wouldn't give him the time of day). These are the people who are the most important to me IN THE WORLD and he, by association, played with their emotions too and THIS is the part that breaks my heart and makes me want to use all caps when I say that he is a LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE.
Remember my roller coaster friend? The one who said she'd be waiting for me at the bottom of the ride, holding my purse? Joe told me that he'd tried to warn me and once again, my roller coaster friend has hit the nail on the head:
I have heard the "I tried to warn you" speech MANY times. It goes with the "You don't deserve this" and the "You are too good for me" speech. They come in a boxed set. They apparently give the user the illusion that they are blanket excuses for bad behavior and absolve them from any guilt and responsibility for anything they do.
He made me the happiest I'd ever been, but also the saddest I'd ever been. I am pleased to report that I am currently feeling very indifferent, with a side of relief and optimism.
So there you go. A not particularly gracious update, but at least I only called him a LYING, CHEATING ASSHOLE a few times. And the next time I see my nephew, I will dip him in chlorine to wash the Joe off of him and then I'll kiss him 1,000 times and thank him for being on Team Elizabeth.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Wah wah wah, my life is soooooo hard.
I had high hopes for my silent journey.
TOO high hopes, it seems.
I thought I'd finally get to escape from all the crap that has been swirling around me for months, I'd find peace and I'd come home feeling renewed.
None of that happened. The opposite happened, actually.
I didn't have any distractions so all I could do was focus on how confused I was about everything and the tiny, perfect resort I was holed up in somehow became a prison.
That sounds SO cliche, I know, and I want to punch myself in the face for feeling all these things I think are weak and melodramatic when others experience them...but there I was, driving around Palm Springs in my rental car, hoping for something better but having to pull over so I could have my crying fit without risk of crashing the Hyundai.
I am a champion at feeling sorry for myself on my birthday. This year was just amplified. And then squared.
I did actually try to come home on Saturday and just eat the cost of the plane ticket, last night at the hotel and last day of services at the spa. It would only cost me $100 extra to return the car in San Francisco so LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, HYUNDAI! Except the reasonable me eventually woke up and realized that it was too late in the day to start a 450 mile trip and that I'd be regretting my decision sometime around 10PM that night when I was still 200 miles from home.
So here's what I did:
1. I picked up a pizza.
2. I bought a bottle of wine and some cookies.
3. And then I ate them, which was kind of the opposite of the "I really don't care if I ever eat again" plan that I've been on in recent weeks.
My alternate plan was to take a shower and then take myself to a fancy birthday dinner somewhere in Palm Springs but decided that I'd rather spend $25 on my Pizza Hut, cheap wine and store brand cookie feast than $75 on a chic solo dinner when I knew I'd finish either one and feel the same.
(Proof of my financial responsibility, yo!)
4. So whatever. I made the best of it and met a lady in the hot tub who was excited about getting a floor model couch from Restoration Hardware for 60% off and another lady with dreds and tattoos who told me that she met her husband at Carrow's but that he hates it when she tells people that.
5. And then I did a few laps in the pool and thought about how lucky I was to be floating around in the desert, looking at 50,000 stars.
And then I went to bed and when I woke up, my birthday was over.
Blah blah blah. I woke up the next day, did some more floating around in the mineral water, found a really big, blue bug hiding in my bathing suit and treating my left butt cheek like a buffet (and leaving a painful and now itchy hole in my skin), had a massage (which I decided would be my last...I'm not a huge fan anyway but it occurs to me that I don't like taking my shoes and my belt off at the airport because I don't like the unwelcome intimacy with strangers, so why would I take off my clothes and let some lady who doesn't give a crap about me rub my back?) and then headed home.
All in all, silent journey: FAIL!
TOO high hopes, it seems.
I thought I'd finally get to escape from all the crap that has been swirling around me for months, I'd find peace and I'd come home feeling renewed.
None of that happened. The opposite happened, actually.
I didn't have any distractions so all I could do was focus on how confused I was about everything and the tiny, perfect resort I was holed up in somehow became a prison.
That sounds SO cliche, I know, and I want to punch myself in the face for feeling all these things I think are weak and melodramatic when others experience them...but there I was, driving around Palm Springs in my rental car, hoping for something better but having to pull over so I could have my crying fit without risk of crashing the Hyundai.
I am a champion at feeling sorry for myself on my birthday. This year was just amplified. And then squared.
I did actually try to come home on Saturday and just eat the cost of the plane ticket, last night at the hotel and last day of services at the spa. It would only cost me $100 extra to return the car in San Francisco so LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, HYUNDAI! Except the reasonable me eventually woke up and realized that it was too late in the day to start a 450 mile trip and that I'd be regretting my decision sometime around 10PM that night when I was still 200 miles from home.
So here's what I did:
1. I picked up a pizza.
2. I bought a bottle of wine and some cookies.
3. And then I ate them, which was kind of the opposite of the "I really don't care if I ever eat again" plan that I've been on in recent weeks.
My alternate plan was to take a shower and then take myself to a fancy birthday dinner somewhere in Palm Springs but decided that I'd rather spend $25 on my Pizza Hut, cheap wine and store brand cookie feast than $75 on a chic solo dinner when I knew I'd finish either one and feel the same.
(Proof of my financial responsibility, yo!)
4. So whatever. I made the best of it and met a lady in the hot tub who was excited about getting a floor model couch from Restoration Hardware for 60% off and another lady with dreds and tattoos who told me that she met her husband at Carrow's but that he hates it when she tells people that.
5. And then I did a few laps in the pool and thought about how lucky I was to be floating around in the desert, looking at 50,000 stars.
And then I went to bed and when I woke up, my birthday was over.
Blah blah blah. I woke up the next day, did some more floating around in the mineral water, found a really big, blue bug hiding in my bathing suit and treating my left butt cheek like a buffet (and leaving a painful and now itchy hole in my skin), had a massage (which I decided would be my last...I'm not a huge fan anyway but it occurs to me that I don't like taking my shoes and my belt off at the airport because I don't like the unwelcome intimacy with strangers, so why would I take off my clothes and let some lady who doesn't give a crap about me rub my back?) and then headed home.
All in all, silent journey: FAIL!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Potpourri
1. First of all, look at this person:
If you were wondering if it was possible to be in proximity of those cheeks and not kiss the hell out of them, I can tell you that it's not.
We all drove together to my brothers' birthday dinner a week or so ago and Baby was sitting between me and Grandma and he was plenty confused about what the heck we were doing in HIS car, but he enjoys passing time with "If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands" and funny enough, so do we, so a good time was had by all.
I should mention that my brother has a different rendition of that song that goes "If you're chunky and you know it clap your hands" and that's far less flattering for Aunt Elizabeth but I can't help but merrily clap along. I AM CHUNKY AND I KNOW IT.
**clap clap**
2. Today's BBPOTD:
3. I went and met my dear friend Kari's husband Eric for burgers and alcoholic milkshakes on Sunday night because he happened to be in town for work. I'm sure the bartender thought it was an internet date because Eric and I had never met and it was clearly a meeting-someone-I-don't-know situation, but I hope he noticed Eric's wedding ring and thought we were particularly scandalous.
The milkshakes and I posed for a photo to send to Kari:
Note: Mine was actually a beer float: A dark stout with coffee ice cream in it -- KICKASS.
I wore one of my newest S&D necklaces but WHAT IS THIS?
Oh hey, it turns out the damn necklace rubbed black shit all over me and I ended up walking around like I'd pulled this wife beater off an actual wife beater!! Turns out I'm not the only one with this issue which is a CRYING SHAME because I love this necklace. I'm going to wear it around the house for a few days to see if the black stops rubbing off, but if not, I'm returning this bad boy LICKETY SPLIT.
4. This is vague but I would like to quote Team Texas for my own personal reference: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. She also referenced Whitney Houston circa 1986 and that was plenty wise and time-honored, but I'm going with the proverb.
If you were wondering if it was possible to be in proximity of those cheeks and not kiss the hell out of them, I can tell you that it's not.
We all drove together to my brothers' birthday dinner a week or so ago and Baby was sitting between me and Grandma and he was plenty confused about what the heck we were doing in HIS car, but he enjoys passing time with "If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands" and funny enough, so do we, so a good time was had by all.
I should mention that my brother has a different rendition of that song that goes "If you're chunky and you know it clap your hands" and that's far less flattering for Aunt Elizabeth but I can't help but merrily clap along. I AM CHUNKY AND I KNOW IT.
**clap clap**
2. Today's BBPOTD:
3. I went and met my dear friend Kari's husband Eric for burgers and alcoholic milkshakes on Sunday night because he happened to be in town for work. I'm sure the bartender thought it was an internet date because Eric and I had never met and it was clearly a meeting-someone-I-don't-know situation, but I hope he noticed Eric's wedding ring and thought we were particularly scandalous.
The milkshakes and I posed for a photo to send to Kari:
Note: Mine was actually a beer float: A dark stout with coffee ice cream in it -- KICKASS.
I wore one of my newest S&D necklaces but WHAT IS THIS?
Oh hey, it turns out the damn necklace rubbed black shit all over me and I ended up walking around like I'd pulled this wife beater off an actual wife beater!! Turns out I'm not the only one with this issue which is a CRYING SHAME because I love this necklace. I'm going to wear it around the house for a few days to see if the black stops rubbing off, but if not, I'm returning this bad boy LICKETY SPLIT.
4. This is vague but I would like to quote Team Texas for my own personal reference: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. She also referenced Whitney Houston circa 1986 and that was plenty wise and time-honored, but I'm going with the proverb.
Monday, August 2, 2010
WHEEEEEEEE!
A. From the outside looking in, break ups are just SO STUPID but now that I'm on this side of the fence I'm suddenly understanding how they make perfectly sane, reasonable people lose their marbles.
B. When Joe first dumped me everyone was all "OMG I AM SO SORRY! Do you want to talk about it? Do you need anything??"
I was appreciative of the outpouring of support but I was also surprised. Was this what I was supposed to have done every time one of my friends broke up with someone? I had no idea because I'd never been through one before (other than Joe v1, but that was different because I was young and naive)! I thought breakups went like this:
1. Someone is being stupid
2. Break up
3. Feel sad for a day or two
4. Get back on that horse
5. Move on
I even remember a time a few years ago when I told my friend Leslie that her boyfriend was a nice guy but we both know he wasn't the right guy for the long term so CHOP CHOP -- just get on with it already and break up with him. We had that conversation a few times, even.
It all seemed so cut and dry.
Holy crap, was I wrong.
C. I have this other friend who was having a romance that paralleled mine -- college boyfriends, torches that never went out, exwives and custody situations to work out, etc.
We valued each other as confidants who wouldn't tell us that we needed to quit looking back and start looking forward and that we deserved to be with people who were fully available, etc. These are all smart things to say when it's not the love of YOUR life, so we both just avoided discussing this stuff with people because nobody really got it.
So anyhooters, we were on similar roller coasters but mine turned out to be way more fun than hers. I was laughing and having fun and she was having motion sickness. We talked about how long she should keep riding and I told her that I didn't think she should get off until she was GOOD AND READY. I told her she didn't want to live with the regret of not having tried until she was sure she was done trying.
I sent her a print of a roller coaster and told her to keep riding as long as she wanted to.
All that is a bunch of blah blah blah leading up to sharing a part of an email she sent me this morning:
I am waiting at the bottom of the ride for you holding your purse. Go around as many times as you want. I will be here.
And THAT, dear internet, is what got my mascara running at 8 o'clock this morning.
My roller coaster isn't fun anymore but I'm afraid to disembark. He's not even in the theme park with me anymore, but here I am, foolishly trying to keep a smile on my face while simultaneously trying not to throw up.
B. When Joe first dumped me everyone was all "OMG I AM SO SORRY! Do you want to talk about it? Do you need anything??"
I was appreciative of the outpouring of support but I was also surprised. Was this what I was supposed to have done every time one of my friends broke up with someone? I had no idea because I'd never been through one before (other than Joe v1, but that was different because I was young and naive)! I thought breakups went like this:
1. Someone is being stupid
2. Break up
3. Feel sad for a day or two
4. Get back on that horse
5. Move on
I even remember a time a few years ago when I told my friend Leslie that her boyfriend was a nice guy but we both know he wasn't the right guy for the long term so CHOP CHOP -- just get on with it already and break up with him. We had that conversation a few times, even.
It all seemed so cut and dry.
Holy crap, was I wrong.
C. I have this other friend who was having a romance that paralleled mine -- college boyfriends, torches that never went out, exwives and custody situations to work out, etc.
We valued each other as confidants who wouldn't tell us that we needed to quit looking back and start looking forward and that we deserved to be with people who were fully available, etc. These are all smart things to say when it's not the love of YOUR life, so we both just avoided discussing this stuff with people because nobody really got it.
So anyhooters, we were on similar roller coasters but mine turned out to be way more fun than hers. I was laughing and having fun and she was having motion sickness. We talked about how long she should keep riding and I told her that I didn't think she should get off until she was GOOD AND READY. I told her she didn't want to live with the regret of not having tried until she was sure she was done trying.
I sent her a print of a roller coaster and told her to keep riding as long as she wanted to.
All that is a bunch of blah blah blah leading up to sharing a part of an email she sent me this morning:
I am waiting at the bottom of the ride for you holding your purse. Go around as many times as you want. I will be here.
And THAT, dear internet, is what got my mascara running at 8 o'clock this morning.
My roller coaster isn't fun anymore but I'm afraid to disembark. He's not even in the theme park with me anymore, but here I am, foolishly trying to keep a smile on my face while simultaneously trying not to throw up.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
It's been a day.
Good Thing: I got a KICK ASS compliment from a super big boss today
and word traveled so quickly that I became today's "Something to
Celebrate" in the staff meeting.
Good Thing: Everyone loved my shoes and my necklace today. Yellow
shoes start conversations with people all over the place.
Bad Thing: I confirmed my suspicion that Joe has a new girlfriend. I
figured it would probably happen eventually because as much as I
(still) love him (because I'm a fool), I thought we probably wouldn't
be the spectacular long term fit I was SO SO SO SURE about six months ago.
The sting of being replaced just a few weeks after we broke up? It's
pretty rough.
So tonight I give myself permission to cry over the 14 Valentines and
then tomorrow I'll wake up and feel better.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Bob
So lemme tell you why I'm dropping everything and going to Cabo on Tuesday. It's kind of an unexpected leg of my silent journey that won't really be silent at all, but is definitely part of the cure to my OMG ENOUGH ALREADY ailments lately.
First of all, Bob's real name is Joe. We'd been together for months, but it's been on the down-low from the www because I didn't want to rock his child custody boat. I don't have reason to care about that anymore and I hate that I wasn't ever able to write about our relationship so now that we've broken up, I'd like to see if I can do a graceful post-mortem.
I've known Joe for 25+ years. Our dads have been friends forever so we grew up together and as far back as I can remember, I adored him.
I even took him to my prom, which was only possible because his girlfriend at the time was kind and knew that I wasn't much of a threat. See?
I was thrilled. I would have died happy. (Also: Kudos to 17-year-old me for wearing a black dress so you couldn't see where my fat ended and his tux started.)
First of all, Bob's real name is Joe. We'd been together for months, but it's been on the down-low from the www because I didn't want to rock his child custody boat. I don't have reason to care about that anymore and I hate that I wasn't ever able to write about our relationship so now that we've broken up, I'd like to see if I can do a graceful post-mortem.
I've known Joe for 25+ years. Our dads have been friends forever so we grew up together and as far back as I can remember, I adored him.
I even took him to my prom, which was only possible because his girlfriend at the time was kind and knew that I wasn't much of a threat. See?
I was thrilled. I would have died happy. (Also: Kudos to 17-year-old me for wearing a black dress so you couldn't see where my fat ended and his tux started.)
Fast forward a year or so and we actually started dating.
(GOD my hair was thick and pretty then!)
I'd never felt so at ease, so relaxed, so content as I did when I was with him.
It was SO MUCH FUN, unless we were busy being SO STUPID AND DRAMATIC and after a couple firey breakups, we both finally crossed the line and that was that. I didn't talk to him again for 14 years.
When we were happy I remember thinking I was absolutely going to marry him. After we broke up I remember thinking PSSSSSHHHHHH -- *every* 19-year-old thinks she's gonna marry her first love, you dummy! Many years later, sometime after I turned 30, I realized that OH SHIT! I'd never even the TINIEST, TINIEST, TINIEST bit ever felt for anyone the way I felt for him. DID I SCREW THINGS UP WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE??????????????
I made my bed and I would have to lay in it.
Lie in it?
Whatever.
We ended up reconnecting via Facebook while he was going through a divorce. When all that was said and done he was planning to move back home to the bay area so he could go back to school and otherwise get himself organized. (Didja notice I'd been going to Seattle every month or so for a while?)
v2 of our relationship was SO MUCH BETTER than v1. It was all the fun, the comfort, the ease, the joy, the everything, but without any of the drama. 30-something us was 100 times as awesome as college-aged us.
We had so much fun together. Really perfect, awesome, life-experience fun. We were excited about having the rest of our lives together. We knew there was some grunt work to be done before we could get there, but it would happen. We would go see the wildflowers bloom in Death Valley. He would teach me to drive a stick. We would try camel milk. We would get bikes and ride them together.
We would get married. (!)
For Valentine's Day he sent me 14 valentines -- one for each year he missed.
The whole story was straight out of a made-for-tv movie and I was SO in love and SO confident that we would grow old together.
We were happy.
But then his ex-wife started looking for a job in Chicago. It started as a distant possibility but soon all signs pointed to Chicago and he decided that if she got the job and moved their 7-year-old son to Chicago, he'd move to Chicago too.
Cue the heartache and the worry.
And then maybe he wasn't going to follow her.
And then she got the job.
And then maybe he was going to follow her.
And then maybe he wasn't.
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It changed with his mood, the wind, the moon, everything.
A month ago, there were a thousand things to be sad about. I was losing so much and I was so disappointed in him and I was so sad and so hurt I couldn't even explain it, but it's funny how the heart works. My grief gradually turned to indifference and every time the pendulum of our relationship swung -- in my favor or not, I cared a little bit less.
If you were to ask me, right this very minute, if I still loved him, I'd say yes.
If you were to ask me, right this very minute, if I liked him or if I thought he was deserving of my love, I'd say no and no.
I'll spare him the public display of the breakup specifics, but did anyone see that Sex and the City episode where Aiden Jack Berger broke up with Carrie via a post-it note?
It was kind of like that.
But possibly even assholier.
[Thank you to Leslie for correcting me -- it was JACK, not Aiden! And now that Leslie has reminded me that Jack's problem was that Carrie was more successful than he was, it all hits THAT MUCH CLOSER TO HOME.]
Am I sad?
A month ago, yes. I was devastated. Today, no. I am relieved it's over. It kind of even feels like the whole v2 relationship never even happened. I am excited to be back in control of my own happiness.
So when my friend Leslie was like "EFFFFF THIS NOISE! Come crash my Cabo vacation with the girls!" I looked at my calendar, looked at airfare and said OKAY!!!!
And THAT, my darling Internet, is why I'm going to Cabo on Tuesday.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Compromise
1. I was just searching high and low for the peanut butter at my
brother's house so I could get the dog distraction toys prepared so I
could leave the house. WHERE IS THE STUPID PEANUT BUTTER????
I eventually found it IN THE FRIDGE. This is clearly my SIL's
influence because my brother was not raised this way. We are SHELF
people, damnit.
2. Looks like Bob and I disagree on this very important subject. Kinda
like when we nearly broke up when I found out that he is Team Whipped
Cream Frosting while I am VERY FIRMLY on Team Buttercream. Luckily,
someone suggested we meet in the middle at cream cheese frosting and
we agreed, but later discussed that it was only a band-aid because
cream cheese frosting is only appropriate in certain situations.
3. I changed his name in my contacts so I could take this picture. A
minute or so later I got a text from "Bob" and I was like "Who the
heck is BOB?"
Duh.
4. He's gonna choke when he sees my phone is down to 25%, which is
still a whole lot of juice, if you ask me.
Friday, April 23, 2010
A variety of topics for your friday reading pleasure:
1. This blog post made me laugh. Thanks to Guster Liz Liz for the find.
2. I entered myself in the lottery for a spot in the Nike Women's Half Marathon. I read a friend's tweet that her card had been charged but she hadn't received a YAY YOU'RE IN email from Nike yet so I checked my card and nope -- I haven't been charged. I'm not sure if I'm relieved that I don't have to do it anymore or if I'm bummed that I don't GET to do it.
Of course, I could still be charged and I could still be accepted and if I am I'm sure it'll be a pleasant surprise but for now, I'm happy to not spend the money or have those 13 miles hanging over my head for the next six months.
[UPDATE: Speak of the devil! I just got an email telling me that I didn't get a spot in the race!]
3. I will, however, be ROCKING the Willow Glen Elementary 5k next month. Who needs big, fancy races with Tiffany necklaces as prizes for crossing the finish line when I have the chance to run my fat ass in front of a bunch of 5-10 year olds!
4. Guess who has the most awesome boyfriend ever in the history of the world?
ME!
Here's why:
It'll come as NO surprise to the people who know me that I am easy going about plenty of things but there are plenty of things that HAVE TO BE EXACTLY RIGHT or I get twitchy and annoyed and I can't rest until I fix them. I KNOW THAT PLENTY OF YOU FEEL ME ON THIS, so don't go thinking I'm insane because it bugged the CRAP out of me that after six or seven years of using the same stickers to track my exercise and WW points, they are no longer available in the wild.
Here, look:
The hearts indicate days I stuck to my WW points and the stars indicate days I got at least 30 minutes of exercise. (Let's pretend not to notice the pathetic month this photo represents.)
I have many packs of the star stickers but I ran out of hearts and I couldn't FOR THE LIFE OF ME find them again. It was always kind of a crap shoot so when I did find them I'd buy several packs, but I had been to four Michael's and two scrapbooking stores looking for the exact right heart stickers but my efforts were FRUITLESS. I gave up trying and tried to come to terms with the tiny heart stickers I found that weren't the same as the old ones, but were at least prismatic and uniform looking.
I would learn to live with them.
EXCEPT!
I was in Washington going to the Tulip Festival and there was a Michael's near our hotel so I was like "OMG HANDSOME AND STRONG BOYFRIEND CAN WE PLEASE GO TO MICHAEL'S TO SEE IF THEY HAVE MY STICKERS?!?!?!"
And because he's awesome, he obliged me but DAGNABBIT, no stickers. They had the brand I was looking for, which gave me hope, but no actual heart stickers.
GRUMBLE GRUMBLE
The brand has a website and you can buy the stickers from them and I went to the site a couple of times and put several packs in my cart but each time decided that no, even the crazy in my head couldn't convince me to spend $7 on shipping for $5 worth of product.
Back to the tiny heart stickers I go.
THEN YESTERDAY I got home and there was a package waiting for me.
From the sticker company.
What? Is that what I'm doing now? Getting drunk and placing online sticker orders?
I was so confused.
But then I saw the date on the invoice was two days ago. No way did I buy these two days ago and already forget.
Wait.
Is it possible?
Did my handsome and wonderful boyfriend send them to me?
Or did I just forget that I ordered them?
But you know what, Internet?
He really is THAT awesome:
So the next time someone accuses me of being high maintenance, I'm gonna tell them about how blown away I was by someone being so kind and thoughtful with heart stickers.
5. Speaking of my thoughtful and handsome boyfriend who is unfortunately still a secret from the internet, we went to the Tulip Festival in Skagit Valley, Washington last weekend with my friend Marcy and her husband, who recently moved to WA.
I have a bunch of pictures to share but here's the takeaway:
It's on the list of 1,000 things to see in the US and Canada before you die. YOU SHOULD GO. And take a bike tour. It was unbelievably beautiful and striking and breathtaking and FUN and it was all I'd hoped it would be AND THEN SOME.
I mo-blogged this one but I wanted to include in it my tulip wrap up too:
We had lunch at a farm type place where we joined our co-bike-tour'ers for sandwiches and soup and salad and cookies served up by Margie, a kick in the pants lady who just so happens to own 230 acres of Skagit Valley land, which seemed like a lot to me.
You know how sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich but after you've just spent a few hours riding your bike in the rain, that same sandwich is the best sandwich you've ever tasted?
It was one of those.
Margie's garden had a baby goat!
At dinner the night before I introduced Bob (I feel so lame with the "my boyfriend this, my boyfriend that" so for now, his name is Bob) to the glory of a cheese plate (which they don't serve at Red Robin, which is probably why he'd never had one before) and he discovered that he LOVES goat cheese. I am not a huge goat cheese fan (I think it tastes like feet), but I was glad that he liked it. Fast forward to the next day and we're standing there looking at the goats and I was like OH MY GOD THEY SMELL LIKE GOAT CHEESE!
Big stretch, right? Goats smell like goat cheese. Except really, cows don't smell like cow cheese...they smell like poop...so the fact that goats smell like goat cheese was kind of amazing to me. (And made me think that no, I really don't need to eat goat cheese again...whereas Bob was like "NOW I WANT MORE GOAT CHEESE!")
But enough of that.
Look! Pretty flowers!
Look! A child-size Farrah/Hedwig cutout!
More tip-toe'ing through the tulips. Note the wet pants.
More color:
These are out of order and I don't care enough to reorganize them, but here I am getting ready to be sporty!
Purple!
A little something I like to call "Bears in the Wilderness of the Oil Crisis":
Seriously. Next April. GO GO GO!
2. I entered myself in the lottery for a spot in the Nike Women's Half Marathon. I read a friend's tweet that her card had been charged but she hadn't received a YAY YOU'RE IN email from Nike yet so I checked my card and nope -- I haven't been charged. I'm not sure if I'm relieved that I don't have to do it anymore or if I'm bummed that I don't GET to do it.
Of course, I could still be charged and I could still be accepted and if I am I'm sure it'll be a pleasant surprise but for now, I'm happy to not spend the money or have those 13 miles hanging over my head for the next six months.
[UPDATE: Speak of the devil! I just got an email telling me that I didn't get a spot in the race!]
3. I will, however, be ROCKING the Willow Glen Elementary 5k next month. Who needs big, fancy races with Tiffany necklaces as prizes for crossing the finish line when I have the chance to run my fat ass in front of a bunch of 5-10 year olds!
4. Guess who has the most awesome boyfriend ever in the history of the world?
ME!
Here's why:
It'll come as NO surprise to the people who know me that I am easy going about plenty of things but there are plenty of things that HAVE TO BE EXACTLY RIGHT or I get twitchy and annoyed and I can't rest until I fix them. I KNOW THAT PLENTY OF YOU FEEL ME ON THIS, so don't go thinking I'm insane because it bugged the CRAP out of me that after six or seven years of using the same stickers to track my exercise and WW points, they are no longer available in the wild.
Here, look:
The hearts indicate days I stuck to my WW points and the stars indicate days I got at least 30 minutes of exercise. (Let's pretend not to notice the pathetic month this photo represents.)
I have many packs of the star stickers but I ran out of hearts and I couldn't FOR THE LIFE OF ME find them again. It was always kind of a crap shoot so when I did find them I'd buy several packs, but I had been to four Michael's and two scrapbooking stores looking for the exact right heart stickers but my efforts were FRUITLESS. I gave up trying and tried to come to terms with the tiny heart stickers I found that weren't the same as the old ones, but were at least prismatic and uniform looking.
I would learn to live with them.
EXCEPT!
I was in Washington going to the Tulip Festival and there was a Michael's near our hotel so I was like "OMG HANDSOME AND STRONG BOYFRIEND CAN WE PLEASE GO TO MICHAEL'S TO SEE IF THEY HAVE MY STICKERS?!?!?!"
And because he's awesome, he obliged me but DAGNABBIT, no stickers. They had the brand I was looking for, which gave me hope, but no actual heart stickers.
GRUMBLE GRUMBLE
The brand has a website and you can buy the stickers from them and I went to the site a couple of times and put several packs in my cart but each time decided that no, even the crazy in my head couldn't convince me to spend $7 on shipping for $5 worth of product.
Back to the tiny heart stickers I go.
THEN YESTERDAY I got home and there was a package waiting for me.
From the sticker company.
What? Is that what I'm doing now? Getting drunk and placing online sticker orders?
I was so confused.
But then I saw the date on the invoice was two days ago. No way did I buy these two days ago and already forget.
Wait.
Is it possible?
Did my handsome and wonderful boyfriend send them to me?
Or did I just forget that I ordered them?
But you know what, Internet?
He really is THAT awesome:
So the next time someone accuses me of being high maintenance, I'm gonna tell them about how blown away I was by someone being so kind and thoughtful with heart stickers.
5. Speaking of my thoughtful and handsome boyfriend who is unfortunately still a secret from the internet, we went to the Tulip Festival in Skagit Valley, Washington last weekend with my friend Marcy and her husband, who recently moved to WA.
I have a bunch of pictures to share but here's the takeaway:
It's on the list of 1,000 things to see in the US and Canada before you die. YOU SHOULD GO. And take a bike tour. It was unbelievably beautiful and striking and breathtaking and FUN and it was all I'd hoped it would be AND THEN SOME.
I mo-blogged this one but I wanted to include in it my tulip wrap up too:
We had lunch at a farm type place where we joined our co-bike-tour'ers for sandwiches and soup and salad and cookies served up by Margie, a kick in the pants lady who just so happens to own 230 acres of Skagit Valley land, which seemed like a lot to me.
You know how sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich but after you've just spent a few hours riding your bike in the rain, that same sandwich is the best sandwich you've ever tasted?
It was one of those.
Margie's garden had a baby goat!
At dinner the night before I introduced Bob (I feel so lame with the "my boyfriend this, my boyfriend that" so for now, his name is Bob) to the glory of a cheese plate (which they don't serve at Red Robin, which is probably why he'd never had one before) and he discovered that he LOVES goat cheese. I am not a huge goat cheese fan (I think it tastes like feet), but I was glad that he liked it. Fast forward to the next day and we're standing there looking at the goats and I was like OH MY GOD THEY SMELL LIKE GOAT CHEESE!
Big stretch, right? Goats smell like goat cheese. Except really, cows don't smell like cow cheese...they smell like poop...so the fact that goats smell like goat cheese was kind of amazing to me. (And made me think that no, I really don't need to eat goat cheese again...whereas Bob was like "NOW I WANT MORE GOAT CHEESE!")
But enough of that.
Look! Pretty flowers!
Look! A child-size Farrah/Hedwig cutout!
More tip-toe'ing through the tulips. Note the wet pants.
More color:
These are out of order and I don't care enough to reorganize them, but here I am getting ready to be sporty!
Purple!
A little something I like to call "Bears in the Wilderness of the Oil Crisis":
Seriously. Next April. GO GO GO!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Eli$abeth
My gentleman friend and I were watching Saturday Night Live on, duh, Saturday night and we happened to turn it on just as Ke$ha was starting her first performance and we sat there going WHAT.THE.HELL?
He was like "She's being ironic, right?" And I was like "You know what...I don't think so."
Looks like we're not the only ones left scratching our heads:
http://www.salon.com/life/broadsheet/2010/04/19/kesha_light_and_dark/
He was like "She's being ironic, right?" And I was like "You know what...I don't think so."
Looks like we're not the only ones left scratching our heads:
http://www.salon.com/life/broadsheet/2010/04/19/kesha_light_and_dark/
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Good and Bad News
The good news: I tried on my boyfriend's carpenter jeans and they
button. Hurrah!
The bad news: They're too short for ME and home slice is a solid three
inches taller than I am.
The silver lining: These jeans will soon find a very happy home with a
short Goodwill shopper who happens to also be a carpenter. Note the
hammer.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
BEST GIFT EVER!
So you know how I couldn't talk my gentleman friend into getting rid
of his horrible 1997 jeans?
Well he just sent me a present:
Friday, January 8, 2010
More mushrooms for me, I guess!
Seriously Internet, we have a problem.
My secret-to-the-internet new boyyyyyyyyyfriend is game to eat almost anything EXCEPT three things I could not possibly live without:
mushrooms
blue cheese
coconut
WHAT THE HELL, INTERNET???
I was going through my recipe file the other day and realized that these are the EXACT ingredients that catch my eye. If he had added "caramelized onions" to his list I might have broken up with him right then and there.
So for the record, I would like to share the list of things that I don't like:
1. Cooked fruit. This has been a lifelong thing for me and while I may have come around on the no-meat-on-bones-(unless-I've-been-drinking) thing, I will nevereverevereverever be willing to eat, say, a berry pie. Unless there was money involved.
[Sidebar: A couple of 4ths of Julys ago Christa bet me $10 that I couldn't eat all the red onion left on the plate (probably like half to two-thirds of an onion) and I was like HELLS YEAH I CAN and I was good until all of a sudden I hit the onion wall and I felt like I was gonna barf so I spent the rest of the evening with an upset stomach and the worst onion mouth ever. Kudos to Carrie for not kicking me out of bed that night.]
2. Pine nuts. This whole post was inspired by this Serious Eats post about a phenomenon called pine mouth where the eater of the pine nuts gets a bitter or metallic taste in his/her mouth that lasts up to a few weeks. I can't say that the funk lasts more than an hour or so for me, but I for SURE get a gross taste in my mouth from pine nuts. I could never figure out why people seemed to love them SO MUCH when, for me, they overpower everything else on my plate but now I know it's an actual thing.
I should see if pine mouth sufferers qualify for disabled parking placards.
3. Mango. ALSO TOTALLY OVERPOWERING. I recently learned that I do actually like mangoes STRAIGHT, but put them in or on anything else and the mango is all I can taste. Unfortunately for me, I got some sort of rash around my mouth last summer and I couldn't figure out what had caused it until my friend Andrea mentioned that she had something similar going on but happily went about eating mango after mango after mango until she read that mangoes carry poison oak on their skin.
Awesome.
So I COULD just cut them out of their skins but I was kinda turned off by the whole experience.
4. Chipotle flavor, seasoning, peppers, etc. Or really mostly anything smoked, but chipotle especially.
Other than these four things, COUNT ME IN!
And btw, cilantro? DELICIOUS!
My secret-to-the-internet new boyyyyyyyyyfriend is game to eat almost anything EXCEPT three things I could not possibly live without:
mushrooms
blue cheese
coconut
WHAT THE HELL, INTERNET???
I was going through my recipe file the other day and realized that these are the EXACT ingredients that catch my eye. If he had added "caramelized onions" to his list I might have broken up with him right then and there.
So for the record, I would like to share the list of things that I don't like:
1. Cooked fruit. This has been a lifelong thing for me and while I may have come around on the no-meat-on-bones-(unless-I've-been-drinking) thing, I will nevereverevereverever be willing to eat, say, a berry pie. Unless there was money involved.
[Sidebar: A couple of 4ths of Julys ago Christa bet me $10 that I couldn't eat all the red onion left on the plate (probably like half to two-thirds of an onion) and I was like HELLS YEAH I CAN and I was good until all of a sudden I hit the onion wall and I felt like I was gonna barf so I spent the rest of the evening with an upset stomach and the worst onion mouth ever. Kudos to Carrie for not kicking me out of bed that night.]
2. Pine nuts. This whole post was inspired by this Serious Eats post about a phenomenon called pine mouth where the eater of the pine nuts gets a bitter or metallic taste in his/her mouth that lasts up to a few weeks. I can't say that the funk lasts more than an hour or so for me, but I for SURE get a gross taste in my mouth from pine nuts. I could never figure out why people seemed to love them SO MUCH when, for me, they overpower everything else on my plate but now I know it's an actual thing.
I should see if pine mouth sufferers qualify for disabled parking placards.
3. Mango. ALSO TOTALLY OVERPOWERING. I recently learned that I do actually like mangoes STRAIGHT, but put them in or on anything else and the mango is all I can taste. Unfortunately for me, I got some sort of rash around my mouth last summer and I couldn't figure out what had caused it until my friend Andrea mentioned that she had something similar going on but happily went about eating mango after mango after mango until she read that mangoes carry poison oak on their skin.
Awesome.
So I COULD just cut them out of their skins but I was kinda turned off by the whole experience.
4. Chipotle flavor, seasoning, peppers, etc. Or really mostly anything smoked, but chipotle especially.
Other than these four things, COUNT ME IN!
And btw, cilantro? DELICIOUS!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)