Hillary, look at all the words!!

1. Seriously, you guys...all this working I've been doing all day long has really been harshing my blogging gig. I get to the office, do worky things and then go home. It's exhausting, this "being engaged in my work" crap.

I'm staring to get the hang of things, but I'm also getting to know the people better, which makes me enjoy the 9-5 that much more. The firm I'm working for is very into perception and professionalism and I felt stifled for a long time but YOU CAN'T KEEP ELIZABETH DOWN and I can feel my personality coming out more and more. Plus, they put me in a very high traffic area so DON'T BLAME ME when so many people stop by to say hello and chat.

The chick I work with was like "OMG YOU ARE SUCH A FLIRT" and I was like "OMG WHAT OF IT???"

But for reals, I can't keep it in and I don't think I should. IT'S PART OF MY CHARM, DAMN IT!

2. I never got around to telling the internet about the speed dating thing but since I went to my third one last night, I suppose it's time:

I originally went to the 23-33 year old session because my friend Lara needed a winglady. It was way more fun than I thought it would be but I thought FOR SURE I wouldn't get any matches so I was amazed that so many men "yessed" me. My matches from that first session were all way too young though (and short) so I didn't contact any of them but my interest in attending an age-appropriate speed dating event was piqued.

Nothing really came of the age-appropriate session I went to the next month, but it's interesting how as soon as I broke the seal on the speed dating and reported back that it was actually sorta fun, so many of my single lady friends were interested in joining me.

Last night was speed dating bonanza #3 and the crop of 30-45 year olds was MO BETTA because there was only one reallllllllly bad one (versus three or four last month), but I don't know if it was a fluke. I'll have to go one more time to get an average.

There were some duplicate men from last month, including the one I abruptly ditched when I got the call that my brother's baby was being born and I needed to GO GO GO. Sorry about that, dude.

Speed Dating Tips:

* Bring a friend. I would never want to go alone. If you do go alone, hope that you run into a friendly group of ladies like us because we'll let you join our posse and then we can all compare notes later.

* Leslie doesn't think this is worth mentioning, but Hurry Date shows you who yessed you, even if you didn't yes them. I, for one, wouldn't have been so generous with the yesses if I'd known my non-mutual matches would be told that I yessed them.

* This one is written on the scorecard they give you but I think it's a really, really important point so I'll highlight it here: SMILE!

Lesson Learned:

I've been really, really, really surprised that I get as many yesses as I do. If it were a friendship or a you're-a-cool-person matching event, I wouldn't be so surprised because I do know that I am a good friend and am not awful to be around but because it's a how-attracted-are-yo-to-this-person? event, I AUTOMATICALLY assume the worst. I have SO MUCH TROUBLE believing that anyone would ever find me attractive in a non-platonic way.

I've been told before that my biggest wall is that I make assumptions about who will and will not be romantically interested in me and that I don't leave it up to the other person to make his own decision. This is totally true.

Speed dating has forced me to see that mayyyyybe I'm not always right. I'm not gonna say the speed dating has cured me of this deep-rooted bullshit issue, but it does make it harder for me to continue thinking I know the truth and that all the people who think I'm great just don't know any better.

(And yet, I'm also the incorrigible flirt as described in #1.)

3. I'm going to a lake in the middle of nowhere with 28 women in my extended family next weekend. I'm cool with the lack of cell service but I got an email this morning that makes me reconsider this whole thing:

NO HAIR DRYERS OR ELSE I'LL BREAK THE ELECTRICITY!

You guys, I'm not even kidding when I say that MY HAIR DOESN'T DO AIR-DRY!!!!!!

This means I'll be avoiding cameras all weekend long.

Cousin Molly advises a hat which would be wonderful except that I have my father's giant noggin and hats don't fit me.

4. Here's the next item in that list of 30 things...a photo of me without any makeup:



Oh, was that supposed to be a recent photo? Okay, here:



That was post-laser eye surgery.

And then while I was looking for those, I came across this picture, which makes me REALLY REALLY want this hair color back:



I DO NOT, however, want THIS hair color back:

5 & 6

5. The Meaning Behind My Blog Name

elizabethkindalikesbacon is an offshoot of my original public blog (which I will link to instead of name just to keep the search monkeys at bay). 100 years ago my friend Danielle and I got to talking about how [insert blog name with the bacon and the love] would be a great website name and that I should start a website for that reason alone. That never happened but when it came time to create a new blog, I went for it.

But then I was dumb and said my SIL's first name in one post and inadvertently said her last name in another (in a different context) and I was suddenly getting hits originating from searches for her name. Soooooo, since my family is the #1 most important thing to me, I ditched that blog and when I write about her on this one her name is Laverne. Everyone else has generic-enough names that I don't worry about it.

So anyway, I "downgraded the love" to only KINDA LIKING bacon.

6. A Talent I Wish I Had

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be the white girl who can sing like Aretha. I'm sooo not though. I'd love to be a belt-it-out kind of singer but all I can really do is sing a fairly decent lullaby.

Things

1. I don't remember how it ended up on my Netflix list, but I know it was based on a comment someone made -- either in a blog I read or Facebook -- but I just watched City Island and boy howdy, I liked it.

I feel like I should probably act all offended that a subplot involved a teenage boy who is hot for fat women but I don't care so the fat police can suck it.

2. Andy Garcia is the leading actor in City Island and I was reminded of what a good looking man he is, which prompted me to Google him to see if he was within my acceptable dating age range. He's not, but he actually got crossed off my list because he's been married for like 100 years and that fact has the ability to make a man simultaneously totally desirable and totally undesirable.

But anyhooters, in my Andy Garcia research I came across this fascinating fact:

He was born with a dead conjoined twin the size of a tennis ball on his shoulder.

I texted my (twin) brothers to tell them about this and to say that I was glad that neither of them were each other's tennis ball.

3. An email from my mother indicating she is not supportive of the urea-on-the-feet thing:

I am concerned that this kind of activity is going on in my home. You are a college graduate working for an elite company who hand pick their staff and your mother is an RN for God's sake!!!!
I have to say that whatever effect you are getting from the urea on your feet (I don't want to know how much it cost), you could pee in a plastic bag and tie that on your feet for a period of time, and probably get the same result.


She also said that she loves me anyway.

4. It has taken me forever to get to #4 on that list of 30 things in 30 days but that's because it was supposed to be about the last book I read and I was thiiiiiis close to finishing a book and kept thinking that I'd wait until I finished it so I wouldn't have to report that the last book I read was chick lit.

Anyway, blah blah blah, I finally finished Lamb by Christopher Moore.

I haven't read (or seen) Wicked so I can't say for sure, but I think the concept is about the same. Lamb is the story of Jesus, but from his best friend's perspective. It's irreverent and funny but I'd also say it was pretty respectful and painted Jesus (or Josh, as he's known in the book) as a really honorable man.

#3

#3: Something you refuse to do.

I'm thinking of two things:

A. I refuse to eat at a particular pizza place because the owner is THE BIGGEST BITCH EVER. I'm not giving her my money, which sucks because I'm all for supporting small business and she's the daughter of the family who owns the local bakery we've been going to FOR YEARS.

B. I don't eat cooked fruit. No pie for me, thankyouverymuch. Why don't you put a big ol' pile of snot in a crust, sprinkle it with sugar and then eat it!?! DELISH!

Yuck.

Cooked Fruit Items I *Will* Eat:

* Jelly (but not preserves or jam unless they're good and blended)
* Applesauce
* Cooked pineapple
* WHEN I'M FEELING INSPIRED, I'll eat one of those little apple streudel squares that come in the foil tins at the grocery store, but that's just because we had those as treats as kids and I liked them before I realized that apple filling was like cinnamon flavored boogers.

The rest of it? No thank you.

#2

#2: The best part of your day.

It’s only 10AM and I’m hoping that my day continues to be filled with “best” parts, but here are two so far:

1. I woke up to news that Danielle had her baby.
2. I’m wearing those hurty gray shoes again and a lady in Starbucks stopped me to tell me how much she liked them.

There’s nothing like starting your day with good news and compliments!

Lots of love to Danielle, Mike, Baby Will and Danielle’s parents who I’m quite sure are BESIDE THEMSELVES WITH JOY.

Things

1. This is today's funny-faced BPOTD:



With a bonus necklace closeup:



I've had that necklace for like three or four years but have only worn it once before. Really getting my money's worth with that one.

2. A friend of mine just got her cosmetology license and is doing a whole gang of free facials at her new salon as part of her training. I'll also be allowing her to do something extra to me that causes "profuse perspiration" but that will allegedly make me look fantastic.

We'll see.

But OOOOOH!!! Because she's my homie, I might have to ask her to take a picture of that magic! And then depending on how horrifying it is, I might just have to post it to the www.

Stay tuned.

3. If you missed the comment to my post about the criminal fireplace installer, my SIL Who Does Not Wear John Deer Pajamas is supportive of that romance because she needs a fireplace cover installed and they are not cheap.

I lolled.

I'm working on a non-criminal (that I know of, anyway) option, but it's nice to know I have my family's support. (As long as they get discounts on things they need, like fireplaces.)

4. My Parallel Life Partner Danielle is deviating from the PLPness by having a baby today. The last update I got was four hours ago, at which point she was only at 1.5 centimeters.

Danielle, I just told the www about your cervix, but since you're going to be a mother within the next 24 hours I'm pretty sure you won't have time to read this blog anytime soon, at which point the cervix discussion will be super buried...so really, you'll probably never know.

GO DANIELLE'S CERVIX, GO!

Note to self: Dig up that picture from Danielle's 30th birthday where, during a not-so-private dance, the tranny "entertainer" flipped her ass-over-tea-kettle and save a copy to horrify her currently-being-born son one day.

5. Speaking of lady parts, another friend of mine WHO WILL REMAIN UNNAMED (but who gave me permission to blab about this) is under 30 and has had the bad kind of skin cancer. The original melanoma was a handful of years ago but a recent scare sent her to the dermatologist for a full body inspection.

Internet, DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS INVOLVED in a full body skin cancer inspection after you have already had the skin cancer?

An INTERNAL inspection of things that I'm pretty sure have never seen the sun, but that are ALLEGEDLY favorite spots for the skin cancer to reappear.

---- OR ----

A dermatologist has a hot young thang for a patient and was suddenly regretting not becoming a gynecologist or proctologist.

I'm not sure which. But either way, how's that for a good reason to wear sunscreen?? No surprise crotch examinations by dermatologists for me, thankyouverymuch.

6. And now that I've discussed the crotches of two of my very dear friends, I'll leave you with #1 on that list of 30 things in 30 (ish) days that I said I would do...

Internet, I present to you, my workspace in all its glory:



Today, anyway. Sometimes I sit in a different building at a table I share with handsome 26-year-old men, but it's more difficult to be stealth about sharing that particular workspace.

30 Things!

I'm going to copy my friend Sassy Sarah and do 30 topics in 30 (ish) days:

1. Your workspace
2. The best part of your day
3. Something you refuse to do
4. The last book you read
5. Meaning behind your blog name
6. Talent you wish you had
7. A photo of you without make up (OMG!)
8. Last item you purchased
9. Something that makes you sad
10. 15 facts about you
11. Your favorite thing right now
12. Best Christmas present you ever got
13. Your favorite teacher
14. Something you're thankful for
15. A photo from your childhood
16. Something you crave
17. Your worst hair moment
18. Favorite smell
19. The last time you cried
20. Last time you had to apologize to someone
21. Something that scares you
22. Somethign that really bugs you
23. What you dislike most about your appearance
24. Celebrity crush
25. A trait you deplore in others (But when I write this one I'll say "A trait I don't like in others" because I don't like the word deplore.)
26. A photo taken 10 years ago
27. First book/movie/song that moved you
28. What turns you off
29. The story behind one of your scars
30. Left blank for suggestions!